Fall Retreat

I count the days to the Women's Fall Retreat because I remember the ones gone by. This is one of the first things I shared outside my family circle. The ones who saw it encouraged me to write more. They still encourage me. They still push me to stretch my limits and I thank God for them.

Rustic lodge full of comfort.
Queen size beds.
Mounted animals: deer turkey and bear.
Good food presented in candlelit atmosphere.
Wonderful fellowship enjoyed.
Cottage with four beds; cozy. Everything you need to rest and meet God.
Fall colors.
Cool, clear days.
Deer in the mists of early morning (an answer to prayer).
Strangers come together and become friends.
Quiet contemplation.
Lives shared.
Self examination:
What is Love?
How do I feel loved?
How do I show love?
What is my purpose?
To love God, to fellowship with him and to share his great love with others.
Green valley.
Rolling hills ablaze with his glory.
Tears flow; tissues passed around.
God speaks to our hearts and reminds us:

The Greatest of these is Love!

Use Me

A prayer:

Show me the power of the Holy Spirit;
alive, vital and real in my life, in my world,
in my experience. Today; every day.

Imbue me with your power.
Enable me to experience, to Know, your power,
to walk in your spirit, in your will.

Take my natural abilities, talents & gifts
and use them for your glory.
Use me.

Accomplish your will
in my life.
Use me for others.

I surrender myself to you again,
now in this moment.
Take my life.

Use me.
Use me for your glory.

Live through me.
Love through me.

Amen

All I Need

A prayer of worship and surrender:

You are all I need.
I worship you alone.
I give you my heart and my soul.
You alone are God.

You hold my world in your hands.
You hold me every moment.
I believe you are more than enough.
Nothing is impossible for you.

I trust in you.
I believe these words with my mind and my will;
Bring them to my heart
So I completely trust in you.

I could forever tell of your love.
Allow me to see what you have for me.
Fill me to overflowing with your Spirit
So I glorify you with my life.

You look into my heart as
I come to worship.
You are my everything.
All I have is yours.

You are my everything.
I adore you.

Courtney's Birthday

My granddaughter is 14 this month. Where has the time gone since she first arrived? So many changes in my life and, of course, in hers.

I recall vividly the day of her birth. We hurried to the hospital. Grandpa and Uncle Steve waited together with other family and friends. I worked the cam-corder in the labor/delivery room. I held my breath as she emerged and took her first one and then began to cry. So beautiful!

As her dad and I started down the hall to the waiting room, I gave him a hug and tears sprang to both our eyes. Stunned at the emotion overwhelming me at this new life, I wiped my eyes and smiled. When we announced her safe arrival to the full room -- it seemed everyone in town was there! -- joy flooded the entire entourage.

Yesterday, we delivered her and her sister from her mom to her dad. The whole family talked at once and the room filled with laughter. Our sweet girl, no longer a baby but a blossoming young woman, held court center stage as she told of happenings at school and with friends.

She's still a blessing. She's still beautiful, physically as well as so many more ways. I still fight to hold back tears and I pray I always model a godly woman to her.

Talking Leaves

I stand in the wind and watch the trees. I look at limbs stretching 40 feet in the air toward blue sky. The upper branches bend and sway as the leaves lift a song of praise to the Creator.

Rain comes.

The soggy leaves droop and drip. Their shudder sends a cascade of droplets to the ground. They sing a muted song.

Sunshine again.

The leaves whisper in the breeze. They give thanks for sun and rain.

I stand and watch the trees. I hear the soft rustle of their song and I join my voice to theirs. The talking leaves and I offer praise, honor and glory to our Lord.

Today From My Window

Today my view from my window included parking lots in town; lots of peple coming and going.

I watched moms and dads walk with children in tow. I saw laughing and talking and families enjoying the cool fall day. I watched cars parking or whizzing by on the way to somewhere else.

From town, we (my dear husband and I) drove toward home. But, we took an unplanned detour and drove about 30 minutes north; he wanted to show me something he saw while coming home in his big truck the other day. I stared out the window at the changing scenery. Trees fading from green to yellow, orange and red; flat or rolling hills becoming steeper and the road curvier.

From my window I saw mama cows with their calves. I saw horses grazing on green grass. I saw birds flying. I saw fresh water flowing in the creeks we crossed.

We started toward home gain.

Today, from my window, I glimpsed God the Creator's handiwork in the changing seasons. I traveled the gray asphalt road and looked out in awe at how wonderfully He planned our world for us to live.

I really enjoyed my view from my window today.

Outside My Door

In 2006, I went on the road with my husband. This is what I saw outside my door one September day:

Diesel motors thrum. Idling trucks remind me of a rumbling train. The September sun radiates off the pavement. Hungry drivers fuel first and then eat lunch on the run. Some walk their dogs, their full time companions, on the strip of green alongside the busy highway. Some wait, not so patiently, for dispatch to send the details for the next load. In the middle of the grassy strip I see a granite boulder and a few green shrubs surrounded by weathered mulch. I watch the clock tick the minutes away. Across the street, tree leaves flutter only slightly in the still Wyoming air.

Brothers

Children in a family are, more often than not, different from each other. They may share physical attributes and many common qualities but still differ in looks, habits, style and personality.

My two sons for example: Jason, the older, has dark hair and eyes, is an analyzer and is always asking why. He enjoys sports and talking on the phone. He was a demanding, strong-willed child.
Steve, the younger, has blond hair and blue eyes. He loves animals, is artistic, is a cowboy and has always been quieter and more compliant.

They both have always had lots of friends and enjoyed the social aspect of school and work. Neither wants church to be just a social club, but a place to worship, learn and serve.

Jason married right out of high school. Steve waited 10 years to marry. Both take family responsibilities seriously and strive to be the leader in their relationships.

I love them both. Each is very much like their dad, very much like his brother and yet each one is entirely himself; a man of his own.

Sydney's Birthday

Today we celebrate the birthday of my youngest grand-daughter. We ate pizza and Funfetti cake. We watched "Baby Mama" and laughed out loud as we watched. Mostly, we enjoyed the time together.

It's funny how we percieve time. It feels as though her parents just brought her home from the hospital. We oohed & aahed over her perfection. We watched her sleep and we smiled. We prayed over her and for ourselves. We thanked God for her and asked to be wise teachers to her.

As she matures, we still pray to be wise for her. We watch her grow and worry and applaud. Grand-children are a delight and a joy. And a huge responsibility.

I pray I am the grand-mother she deserves. I must be or God would not have brought us together.

On Reading

I have loved reading as long as I can remember. Books have always been a part of my life. A good book brings escape from problems in my life. I can never be bored as long as I have access to books.

Opening a new book introduces me to new people and places. My imagination wraps around the words. I learn of possibilities. I see that families are intact and functional, daddies love their daughters, God cares for man, friends can last a lifetime, homes can be built, roots put down, jobs can have meaning and marriages are full of love and caring. Or a different set of words can show all the horrors of war and poverty and how truly awful humans can become.

Books present knowledge: science, history, instruction. How can one not love to read? When I'm in a hurry magazines are a quick read, filling moments of waiting or providing useful information. A devotional book can open my eyes to a different aspect of God's truth and give me hope.

I love the feel of books. I love the weight of them in my hand, the smooth covers and the crisp pages. I love the sight of print on paper. The soft white pages and black letters contrast to bring words to fire my imagination.

I love reading letters from family and friends. Seeing my name on an envelope then quickly glancing to the return address brings a smile to lips and heart. I love to open an envelope and pull a card or letter from inside. I love to see what someone has chosen to share. Cards show they thought of me and a written message from their heart to mine gives me joy. I love to read of distant events and news from family.

Words and images linger far longer than spoken words. Written down, I can go back and revisit the pages again and again. I can relive the moments more than once. Memories fade; the written word endures.

I love reading for all the ways it gives me pleasure and brings me joy.

Zombie Chicken Award

What an honor! Thank You. I received the Zombie Chicken award from Rebecca Emrich at Living a Life of Writing. Rebecca always has interesting posts on many aspects of writing. I always leave her site with something new.

The Details:

"The blogger who receives this award believes in the Tao of the Zombie Chicken – excellence, grace and persistence in all situations, even in the midst of a zombie apocalypse. These amazing bloggers regularly produce content so remarkable that their readers would brave a raving pack of zombie chickens just to be able to read their inspiring words."

Some of my favorite blogs are:

Victoria Gaines' -- Light for the Writer's Soul

Prill Boyle's -- Defying Gravity (a blog of and for Late Bloomers)

Ginia Oehlschlager's -- Home on the Farm (from Ginia's columns in our local newspaper)

Mark David Gerson's -- The Voice of Your Muse

Chris Guillebeau -- The Art of Non-Conformity

Each of these writers offer a unique perspective on living life to the fullest. Each is a joy and a delight to read.

Driving Time

Last Sunday night I met my son in Mansfield. I picked up my almost 14-year-old grand-daughter from her mother's and delivered her to her dad. No one asked me to do this; I offered.

I haven't spent as much time as I might have liked with my grand-daughters this summer. My part-time, work from home job is taking up W-a-a-ay too much of my play time. So, I took this beautiful summer evening to enjoy her company.

We drove about an hour and talked as she flipped through radio stations. As she listened about 3 seconds to each station, she filled me in on her summer. Or, she would exclaim, "That's my favorite song!" and turn the sound up as loud as I could stand. She sang along and chair danced, her face shining with smiles. I laughed with her and marveled at her happy abandonment.

After we talked with her dad, step-mom-to-be, and sister and I got hugs & kisses from everyone, I started back home. The radio still sang in my ears but stayed on one station and the speakers no longer rattled the windows. Even with the music, though, my truck seemed empty and lonesome. Soon enough, I won't need to drive for her.

Driving together means Family Time for us. The closeness of the car invites intimate conversations. We discuss anything and everything as we drive. Our family has always done this. It doesn't matter if it is a long drive or a shorter one, riding in the car is the time for discussion; the time for revealing secrets. We talk about why we are moving, what friends are doing, what homework needs to be done, the Bible lesson at church, hopes & dreams, goals & plans. It is the time for questions and answers.

These days, those conversations are few and far between. Both my sons are grown and have been driving themselves for a long time. Now they drive their own families and have their own conversations. This is as it should be. It makes the times we drive together all the sweeter and more precious to my heart.


I wonder: Will the conversation be as sweet when I am old and some one is driving me to where ever it is we are going?

Anniversary Thoughts

August 7, 2009 marked 38 years since I walked down the church aisle and joined my life to another. I gave myself to him; we two became one.


We argued (a lot!) in those first few years as we adjusted to each other and learned how to fit together. But, we also laughed (a lot more!). We spent as much time as possible with each other and simply enjoyed being together.


We had children. Those years brought a house full of children: our own, friends, family. A home full of noisy laughter. Our sons grew into men; sure evidence of time passing.


The house grew quiet again. We spent time together and enjoyed our empty nest.


Grandchildren arrived. No longer babies now, but young teens who delight us with all they do. They allow us to be an important part of their lives and give us the opportunity to share what wisdom and knowledge we have accumulated over the years. Grandchildren are a wonderful gift. They give much more to us as grandparents than seems possible.


I don't know why I am surprised each year that we have been married so long; we vowed to be together until death parted us. I guess I'm more surprised at how much time has actually passed. In many ways it doesn't feel like 38 years but I can barely recall life before marriage.


We've been married all my life. He is still my best friend. I trust him completely.


The years have brought many challenges: life style adjustments, children, extended family, jobs and more. Through it all, our faith in Christ has been the glue that bound us. I've matured as a woman, grown as a Christian, watched in wonder as God worked in and through my husband, saw my children and then my grandchildren give their hears to the Lord. Blessing upon blessing.



God has been with us every step of the way. Going before us to prepare the way. Holding our hands as we search to stay in the way.


I may wonder what life will bring in the coming years, but I know God will always be there.

Guest Blogger: Rebecca Anne Emrich from Living a Life of Writing

Today I have a guest: Rebecca Anne Emlich from Living a Life of Writing. Rebecca posts daily about various aspects of writing and publishing. She shares her insights through series of articles covering different subjects and always has some interesting thoughts. She is hosting me at her site today, so click here to check out her site.

Please welcome Rebecca.

Think Small, There's Always Someone Else who Can Help

I would like to thank Karen for allowing me to guest blog on her site. She is an inspirational writer who is always giving me a new perspective. This is something, though, I'd like to share with you.

As writers we need to think small. When we don't have time we can always come up with 15 minutes.Yes, 15 minutes. Of course you must be thinking, one: she's nuts, and two: I can't write each day!!

Okay, deep breath. God gave us all 365 days a year, 12 months, 52 weeks, and most importantly 24 hours. I could go on, but the vital thing here is everyone has this time. Writers, anyone.

So before you decide to comment how dumb it sounds to write for only 15 minutes a day, think of it this way, we all have to begin somewhere, right? I'm not Hemingway or Terry Brooks, so I can't write the way they did or do. I have other pieces to my life, my family and my church. Everyone one of us has commitments and time is at a premium. I can, however write about 400 words in 15 minutes. Of course if I didn't look to check on other things it would be more!

So, think small, 15 minutes a day where you just pick up the pen and write, or go to the computer and type. Don't worry about spelling or anything else. Just write. you can always do more, but by starting small you can create something amazing.

If you like pray before, or listen to music and then, write. Think small. You'll get a novel out of you.

Thank you so much Karen to allowing me to share some of my thoughts about writing. This is such a wonderful blog. Karen is at my blog today, so please take a look at her wonderful post at living a writers life.

Thank you, for sharing your thoughts on the writing life with us today. I look forward to reading more of your work.

I'll be back next week to share what God is showing me through My View from My Window.

Clouds Across the Sky

Clouds light and wispy,
thick cotton balls;
stacked thunder heads with lightening flashing.

Clouds drifting, changing shapes,
floating in azure skies
carry dreams of another life.

Clouds rolling, dark and thick,
bring promised rain.
Bursting, they release fat drops on a scorched earth.

Clouds hiding the sun.
Shadows disappear
and a breeze brings cool relief.

Clouds painting the sky orange, pink and purple
at sunset. Playing peek-a-boo with moon and stars,
they stretch over the night.

Clouds roll back.
King Jesus and His army descend.
Battle rages. War is won by His Word.

My Lord, My God

How wonderful you are!

You are full of grace and mercy.

You see the depths of my soul and know my innermost thoughts.

You see how unworthy I am of your love, yet you love me.

I hide from the world, from myself, but from you I cannot hide.

You reach down and hold me, drawing me close to your heart.

You see beyond any mask I might wear; beyond the words that say, "I'm fine" or "All is well"; past the pasted on fake smile to the child hiding inside.

You love me.

You forgive me.

You heal me.

You set me free.

From before time began until after time is no more, you love me with a never ending love; you forgive with a never ending forgiveness.

When I am bogged down in this life, I come to you, Holy God, and you lift me up to stand before you.

You set my feet back on the path you have for me.

Then I breathe in your breath of grace and begin to praise and worship you.

You encourage me.

You fill me with your Spirit and wait for me to take the next step on the path with you.

I cry out, "I don't know which way to go!" and you remind me that I don't need to know because I follow you, the One who is the Way.

I bow before you.

I worship you.

I praise and adore you.

I honor you with my lips and with my life.

I serve you.

Enable me to hear you.

Empower me in your Spirit to do your will and show you to others.

Be my courage and my strength.

Lead me, as you always have, day by day and moment by moment on your path and in your way.

I thank you for your grace.

I thank you for your salvation.

I thank you for your unfailing love.

Amen

Remembering Brannan's Bluff

A Favorite Swimming Hole of My Youth

Before I could drive myself, Aunt Eva Lea would take us to the "big creek" at at Brannan's Bluff on Baron Fork Creek near Proctor, OK. After chores were done, my cousins (Glenda & Rhonda) and my sisters (Gail & Sandra) and I would jump into the back of Uncle Jewel's 1969 red Chevy pick-up truck. We'd climb up two or three rungs on the wooden stock rack and head to the water. The hot summer wind would rush through our hair as we sped down the road. We'd wave to all we met, happy to be on our way.

After we turned off the highway onto the dusty lane, we'd climb down and crowd around the narrow gate. Almost before the wheels stopped, we'd hop out and race bare-foot across the rocks to see who would be first in the water. We'd drop towels on the way and shout to those behind to hurry. Once in the water, we'd dive straight into the crystal clear cold water, swim across to the bluff and climb the gray flint wall to the natural cut ledges. The bluff had varying heights so you could choose where to stop depending on how brave you felt at the time. Sandra was too little and didn't swim well enough to make it to the bluff so she stayed close to shore with friends -- new or old -- that she found. Gail and Glenda would usually stop on the lower levels; sometimes still knee deep in the water, to practice diving. Rhonda and I were tomboys and would climb as high as we could to jump off.

I would stand on the narrow ledge and look down at the scene below. Groups of swimmers would laugh and splash each other. Some floated on inner tubes and rafts. On the gravel bar to one side, teenage girls would lie on towels talking and sun bathing. Rock and roll from transistor radios echoed off the rock wall. The smell of Coppertone drifted in the still air. Blue sky stretched above. Not a cloud in sight -- birds swooping and darting in joy. Dear Aunt Eva Lea would be in her folding lawn chair, a towel over her head to protect her from the sun, at the edge of the water in what little shade could be found. The water sparkled and reflected the sun except int he shadow of the bluff. There, where the water was deep, fish swam lazily or did under a ledge. A glorious place to be when you are a young teen: before worrying about looks, boys and popularity yet and after being an over protected kid. That just right age.

Rhonda would jump. Then I would. Or, we'd all four play follow the leader or other games we made up as we went along. We'd climb and jump and swim until breathless and shivering we'd find a sunny spot to rest and warm. Rhonda, shivering with blue tinged lips and fingers, would sit on the ledge just long enough to stop shaking. Denying she was cold, she'd jump in again and we'd all be off once more.

After about two hours, it would be time to go. We'd hear Aunt Eva Lea call us but would delay as long as possible. We'd swim to the shallow side and beg for just one more jump. She must have been about to melt from the heat but was kind and usually gave us a few more minutes. Eventually, we'd all come dragging out, wrap in our towels then climb in the back of the truck for the ride home. Often, since we thought we were starving, we would stop at the Proctor Store for an ice cold Coke and a candy bar.

As soon as we got home, we'd run down to our little creek to wash off the "big creek". We'd play until supper then fall into bed exhausted to sleep the dreamless sleep of the young.

Oh, those were wonderful days!

We Have Puppies at Our House

Last Thursday morning, my son's Blue Heeler had 7 new babies: 5 females and 2 males. Heelers are born white but usually get their color by the time they're weaned.

No one planned these puppies -- except their mama. We thought we watched her closely and kept an eagle eye out for male visitors but nature took over. Now we have Puppies! They are one week old today.

They are the cutest little babies and Dixie, the mama, is very caring and protective of all of them. She stays on alert for any possible intruders and will hardly leave them long enough to eat and get a drink. If one of us humans comes close, she tries to cover them with her body and a paw.

When I look at newborns, I see the Creator God in the miracle of birth and life. Amazing chances of conception, developing in the womb and birth come together in new life. Nurturing parents give attention and protection until the young ones are able to fend for themselves. I am amazed by the intricate planning of God to bring about each life.

Even more amazing is the new life we have in Christ. The Father planned for our forgiveness and salvation before He made the world. He knew me before I was born and provided for me to come to Him in faith.

Puppies, all new babies, are beautiful and wonderful. New life in Christ Jesus is Awesome.

Why I Need Books

Books have always been my close companions. They let me hide from the real world. They explain life and show me what the world is like -- or how it could be.

Books show me God. First through His Word, then from other Christians. With books, I can learn almost anything: to speak well, write, science, cook, childcare, relationships, home decor and on and on and on.

Books allow me to lose myself in time. I can go far into the past, see how it must have been to live in a cave or in the wild west, be on the "inside" of courts with kings and queens, learn to love selflessly, fly into the future, or go "Over the Rainbow" to Oz and other worlds of make believe.

Books show and tell and bless and inspire. They encourage me to be better. In biographies, I see how ordinary people become extraordinary and do great things. They explain the whys of the world, keep history accurate, expound on God's grace and how to please Him.

Technically, I could exist without books. But, books make it more of a life than an existence. Books often say it better than I can. I need books to help me enjoy life.

A Chance I Didn't Take

I had the chance, the opportunity, to go to college. Not once, but twice. Right out of high school I enrolled at the college closest to my home town. I could live at home and commute as did many others in our area. Then I decided to get married and since we planned to move to Colorado to begin our life together, I withdrew my enrollment application. We didn't stay in Colorado long, so I didn't go while we were there. I thought about starting classes many times after that, but the timing never seemed quite right. I had children; I was needed at home; many things seemed to call me away from school.


When our younger son finished high school, we moved from Arkansas back to Oklahoma and I again felt it might be time to enroll. My husband agreed I should explore the possibility. I started the application process and learned how to apply for grants, loans & other money. Then, we received a job offer to work together on a 12 house broiler farm. This was a good opportunity: a nice salary for both of us with a house & bills furnished. We agreed we should take the job. I cancelled on school again.


We worked hard on the farm, and the next one, and the next one. Now my dear husband is driving a truck again and trying to build a trucking company. I am home doing the paperwork needed to run the business. I deeply regret that I never followed through; never actually went to any classes. My life -- our life -- would have been completely different if I had taken a chance on myself but in those days it was difficult for a woman to be married and have a career. Now I wish I had tried.


I regret most that I didn't seek God's counsel and wisdom in my decisions. I didn't pray about getting married. I didn't enquire of the Lord about what would be His best for me. I hope that over the years I have learned to seek God first, but I'm not sure that I have. I still tend to go with my intuition and personal desires in any decision that I need to make. I pray the Holy Spirit is leading me as I make choices. I hope I am willing to take the chances He provides.

Pen & Paper

Nearly everything I "do" requires that I write: mail to friends & family, pay bills, keep records for business, my journal, to do lists. All these require my use of pen & paper.

I am particular about my pen; one that flows smoothly, has a good line on paper, goes through to carbon copies and feels comfortable in my hand. Not too small so my fingers don't cramp. Not too big or I can't handle it well. I usually prefer black ink, but the pen itself can be boldly bight or soothing in color. Sometimes, for emphasis, I choose a different color ink.

When I did accounting, blue and red were necessary, but black is the easiest for me to read. I don't care to use pencils. They need to be sharpened, smear and don't show up as well when I read it the second time. But -- they do erase! That's a plus for me as I tend to make mistakes when my head rushes ahead of my hand.

I love varieties of papers. White with lines, colored with borders, bright bold colors, columns for work accounts, note pads, post cards -- almost anything that will hold ink.

Pens & papers are my self expression. My way of showing my creative side. I'm not very good at drawing, so I use paper with color and/or pictures. I see beauty in the choice of paper. Post cards and occasion cards express my thoughts and feelings for or about others. They show I care, I'm thinking of them. I can choose the ones that will best please the receiver.

Without pen & paper I couldn't take care of our business, but as important to me is the communication with family that they enable. I would be totally bereft if I couldn't write to my granddaughters. Receiving a personal note in the mail, something to hold onto and savor, something that is a tangible sign that I thought of them seems more satisfying to me than a phone call or an email. I don't care if I don't receive cards and letters, although it is a great treat, but I must be able to express my self with pen & paper.

This thing that I feel I have been called to do (writing) would be impossible for me without a pen & paper. I write my thoughts down then edit as I transfer to the computer. This is how I share what God is showing me. This is how I show others the wonderful world that God has created for us. It amazes me when I think of the care and planning He took in making our world: the beauty, the divirsity, the minute details of the interdependence of all of life. Each day I see His love for me, for us, in the world around us. I must write what I see so I can tell others of Him.

Half a Glass

To see the glass as half empty is to see the world through depressed and sad eyes.

The mindset of depression and pessimism nags at me trying to drag me down into the abyss, spiraling deeper and deeper into blackness. Sadness overwhelms me and presses me farther and farther down into the pit of despair. It is only through an intentional effort to cultivate a grateful attitude that I begin to crawl back into the light of His goodness and grace. There I can again look at the glass as half full. There I begin to grasp at hope and optimism.

I know that in many ways I am deeply blessed. I have much to be happy about and little that is really bad in my life, but at times I find it hard to remember all the goodness. I try to write thanksgivings in my journal each time I record an entry to remind myself of all that I do have.

Naturally an optimistic person, it has been only in the last four or five years that I have had this problem of a deep, overwhelming sadness. It began on our farm at Noel and has been a struggle since then. I think it had its roots in a high and out of control blood sugar coupled with fluctuating hormones and a high stress level. As I better controlled these, the depression came back into balance, too. The year 2008 was a breakthrough year concerning this and now, in 2009, I am much better and have only an occasional "bad" day. I can usually tell if it is sugar related, if I am tired or if there is some other logical reason that I'm feeling down. Seldom does it last more than a few minutes or a few hours.

Life is full of ups and downs. When I was "down", I feared for my sanity and often my husband feared for my life. Through the power of the Holy Spirit, the struggle to remain on an "up" comes less often and is easier to win. Through the help and concern of friends and family, the touch of gifted Prayer Warriors, and God's grace I am very much better than I was. Today, as I strive for balance in all things, I am again more likely to see the glass as half full.

My Prayer

The Lord gave this to me during the music portion of a worship service. I felt a little odd sitting to write when everyone else was standing, but I felt compelled to put down the words racing through my mind.

A Prayer

You draw me, Father, gently, lovingly to your side. I have no one but You. You only are my friend, my strength, my refuge, my shield. Fill me with your Spirit, moment by moment, that I may rest and rely on You. Quiet my thoughts that I may hear You as You speak to me. You, Lord, shower blessing on me. You encourage me. You convict and instruct me. You love with a never ending love. You lead me, step by step, to a relationship with You. Holy Spirit, teach me of You. Lord Jesus, mighty King, Savior of my soul, cleanse me of unrighteousness and sin. As the psalmist said -- Create in me a pure heart. Let me hear You. My Shepherd, call me, lead me to green pastures and beside still waters. Oh, Father, my God, may I hear You, obey You, worship You, praise You, honor You. Lord, may I sit at your feet and learn of You. Do not let me be so busy, even in service to You, that I reject time with You. Let me concentrate on You, Lord, and on Your Word. You are more important; You are vital to life. All else -- church, family, friends -- are nothing without you and your Holy Spirit. I give my all to You: all that I am, all that I have, all that I hope. Only in You is there promise of wholeness. Let me build a relationship with Jesus, all else will fall into place. Thank You for once again reminding me of your love, mercy and grace.

A Moment of Freedom

What is a moment of freedom? Is it freedom from responsibility; worry; stress; a job you hate?

Freedom means many things. At times, it is the blissful silence when the baby finally stops crying and you can sleep. Or it is when all the children are out the door to school and you have your day ahead of you. Or it is when the house quiets at night and you settle in to unwind. Freedom can also mean not worrying about what you're going to eat or wear. Or that you won't be killed by a passing marauder. Freedom means different things to each of us at different times in our lives.

For me, at this season of my life, a moment of freedom is the time I have to sit on the swing with my favorite book -- which is the one I am reading at the time. I sit and swing and read and listen to the sounds of nature around me. No unwanted phone calls; no fax to send or receive. No one asks me to do anything I don't want to do. No one criticizes me for just sitting and relaxing. I am completely on my own to do or think anything I want. I could go in the house, take a walk, lie down to rest or go somewhere.

Money brings freedom of a kind if we are not slaves to work, not obsessed with having more. It can also give us the means to travel and experience new things from anywhere in the world. And, of course, money frees us from worry by providing our basic neccessities of life: food & shelter.

A moment, though, is such a short time frame. A time to relax and enjoy my surroundings. Sometimes freedom is the ability to share that time, money and space with friends or family. The point being that it is my choice to do exactly what I want at any given time. Very seldom in my adult life have I had such complete freedom. I feel constrained by money, the duties of a job and the needs of my family. Guilt drives me from my time on the swing to work in the house or office. Seldom do I do what I want to do instead of what needs to be done.


This is simple freedom, but true freedom is my freedom in Christ. My freedom from sin, from spiritual death, from separation from God. Freedom to love, to serve, to worship, to fellowship, to life. This freedom lasts more than a moment. It lasts a lifetime and beyond.

My New Office

Ten days ago, my husband helped me move furniture. We emptied a small bedroom and created an office for me. Now, I have all the paper work for our growing trucking business out of my living room and a place to store all of it. This is also my writing space; a space to be alone when I need to create.

If I stand in the door to my office, I see the care my husband took to make this small space just right for me. His efforts to please me, to make it comfortable for me and just as I wanted show in his setting the computer and printer/fax in easy reach (with no tangled cords!), the chair just so, the filing cabinets spaced along one wall and the shelves he brought in for my books.

My space has a window and from my desk I can see the trees. If I move to my reading chair, I can see the back yard and more trees. Yesterday, I sat in my chair and stared out the window just to see what I might see.

I watched a rabbit peer across the yard and then run circles around a tree, under a trailer, out into the grass and then back into the brush. He seemed to be playing a secret game and that brought a smile to my lips.

Then i noticed a bright red blur as a male cardinal landed on the nearest oak tree. He perched for just a couple of heartbeats then was off again. He was a spot of joy on an otherwise dreary day.

The sun began to shine. The trees quit dripping from the rain that fell the last four days. As the clouds cleared, so did my mood. I no longer felt gray and overcast. Blue sky erased my frown.

Because our woods are full of oak and hickory trees, we have squirrels everywhere. I saw one dash across a grassy space then jump up the closest tree, stopping to taste acorns and hickory nuts along the way. He sat to nibble one but, ever on the alert, he watched warily for the dogs or other predators. I could tell because he was always looking this way and that, tail twitching, ready for a quick escape if startled.

Everywhere I look I see God's goodness. He has given me a husband who encourages me, cares what I think and does his best to give me what I desire because he loves me. God gave me a view from my window that reveals His creation in all its many variations. I am truly blessed.

Better to Light a Candle

Why sit around complaining about circumstances. If things look dark, find some light. There is always something you can do to light even the smallest of flames in a dark world.

I begin by praising God for who He is. He is the Creator, the Provider, the Healer, my Peace, my Salvation, the Righteous one, the Beginning and the End, Worthy of all praise. The Mighty God, the All Sufficient One, the Author and Finisher of our faith, he is my Hope, my Shepherd, my Great High Priest, the Everlasting One. He is love and mercy. He is righteous and good. He is the Enabler, the Empowering One, the Defender of the weak. He is my Everything.

The darkness fades when I concentrate on who God is: the Light of the World, the Word, the Bread of Life, and the Never Thirst Again Water. He is Joy Unspeakable and full of glory. He was and is and is to come. He is the King of Kings. Any problems I have are small compared to the greatness of God. Whatever is causing darkness in and around me fades and shrinks before my God of the Universe. When I praise Him, all else fades into inconsequentialness and all I want is to be with Him, study Him, enjoy Him, worship Him and serve Him in whatever He asks of me.

It is better to light a candle than to sit and curse the darkness. Once you light the flame, the Light of the World grows in you and spreads out to those around you. You can be Light to your family, friends, co-workers and the world. All you need to do is light the candle of praise.

A Room of My Own

Being the oldest girl can be difficult. Setting the pace, expectations, and examples for younger sisters is not easy. Being the first to mature and need privacy is hard, especially when you share a room.

I was about 10 or 11 when we moved into a big house: a former duplex remodeled into one house. We had a den for the first time and my brother had a room with a locking door (he thought that was great!). He could lock his little sisters out and keep his boy stuff however he wanted. We had a big yard, too, and lots of kids in the neighborhood. But best of all, for me, was the front bedroom. All for me. No sharing.

It was not a very large room, but, oh how I loved it. Red wallpaper with huge white roses; a hand-me-down dresser that had only my clothes in it; a closet with racks that weren't crowded with "baby" clothes; shelves for my books; a twin-sized bed with just enough room for one. For the first time I could remember, I didn't have to share. Only my things wherever I looked. They -- my sisters -- had to stay out unless I invited them in.

At night, I would turn off the light and dance across the floor to slip under the covers and enjoy my solitude. During the day was ample time to be with friends and little ones, but at night I had my own space. For a special treat, Mom and Dad surprised me with a new (used) stereo. I could stack records to drop and play or have one album repeat over and over until I fell asleep. My choice. My records. My space. It was wonderful!

We soon moved away and once again I shared a room. As we became teenagers, though, a shared room was The Best. We could talk about friends and boys and what was happening at school. We shared everything: secrets, clothes, shoes, books, friends and our room. It was that way until our brother married. Then, for awhile, I once more had a room of my own.

She Waits

She lives a life of waiting.

She waits for her husband to come home. She waits for children and grandchildren to come to her. She waits for retirement. She waits to do the things she dreams of doing. She waits for Jesus to return. She waits for heaven.

While she waits, she lives in a modest home on ten acres of mostly woods. It's a comfortable home although not large. She opens the living room blinds and watches the birds and squirrels in the trees surrounding her home. From her window, she can see the horses in the pasture and neighbors as they pass.

While she waits, she prays. She prays for safety for her family. She prays for guidance and strength. She talks to the Lord all day as she reads and writes. She sits at the computer and sees Him in the e-mails, blogs and web sites she devours.

While she waits, she works on the family business. She keeps the records of all they do; she keeps track of all that needs to be done.

While she waits, she goes to church to join the worship there. She serves the Lord as she is lead, as she is able. She visits with friends and waits for the day the waiting is over.

Pics of my girls

I spent some time with my son and his family in Arkansas this week-end. I always enjoy seeing them, and this was no exception.

We talked and laughed and caught up on all the news. We ate great food and generally had a good time -- at least I did and hope they did, too.

My granddaughters created some wonderful self-portraits with the digital camera. I think they are beautiful from the inside out and I can hardly believe they have become such young women.

A Prayer for Today

You draw me, Father, gently, lovingly to Your side.
I have no one but You.
You are my friend, my strength, my refuge, my shield.
Fill me with your Spirit, moment by moment, that I may rest and rely on You.
Quiet my thoughts that I may hear You as You speak to me.
You, Lord, shower blessings on me.
You encourage me.
You convict and instruct me.
You love with a never-ending love.
You lead me, step by step, to a relationship with You.
Holy Spirit, teach me of You.
Lord Jesus, might King, Savior of my soul, cleanse me of unrighteousness and sin; create in me a pure heart.
My Shepherd, call me, lead me to green pastures and beside still waters.
Oh, Father, my God, may I obey You, worship You, praise You, honor You.
Lord, may I sit at your feet and learn of You.
Do not let me be so busy that I neglect time with You.
Let me concentrate on You for You are vital to my life and I am nothing without You.
I give my all to You: all that I am, all that I have, all that I hope.
In you only, is there promise of wholeness.
Help me build my relationship with You and all else will fall into place.
Thank You for once again reminding me of your love, mercy and grace.

Happy Easter!

Easter, 1966

The sun is shining bravely in the clear blue sky. The wind gusts sharply across the hilltop and down into the valley.

Five little girls, ages 4 to 12, in pastel dresses and sweaters search for colored Easter Eggs. Shouts and laughter echo down the hill as they hunt among the cheerful yelow daffodils and the green grass along the fences. Fragrant locust blooms, white as snow, send their sweet petals floating on the wind.

Easter, 2009

These same 5 girls are grown now. Each has children of her own. Each has grandchildren who gather to hunt for the Easter Eggs. The home on the hill is no longer there and the girls are scattered, but the joy of Easter is greater than ever as we have realized the truth of the celebration. We rejoice in the risen Savior and long for the time of His return.

A Few Random Thoughts

I sorted through several collections of my notes today. While most of what I found was not worth sharing, I thought these tidbits interesting. I hope you do too.

• What would you do if you knew you wouldn't fail?
• Be the somebody God made you to be.
• I am the only person who possesses the unique message within me. If I don't release it, it will be dormant forever.

Good Days & Bad Days
Anticipation of His presence
Pleased to be with Him in the quiet
Fed by His word
Filled by His Spirit
Grateful to learn
Pressures gone
Dissatisfaction released
Disappointment relieved

• Grace abounds amid loneliness, confusion, disappointment, depression, inconsequentialness giving delight.
• Everyday sameness. Lonely in crowds; act happy; wear my mask.
• An attitude of worship. A week of purpose spent in companionable silences and family enjoyment. Times of contemplation; always planning. Feelings of dread (of work undone) and accomplishment (when chores are over).
  

Signs of Spring

From my window this morning, I see rain washed earth. The sun breaks through the steel gray of clouds to reveal the beginnings of the day.

Horses neglect hay to munch on sweet new grass. Grass that brings the pasture from the lifeless brown of winter to the fresh green of spring.

Flower beds show brave tulips pushing up through the cool earth. In another corner, the thick leaves of the iris show they, too, are coming to life.

The dogs, all three of them, bask in warm sunshine. Suddenly they are on their feet and alert. A squirrel ventured into the yard. Legs pumping, they run at full speed to chase him away and out of their space.

Birds flt from tree to tree. They gather twigs and bits of hay & grass to start nests. Their calls to each other fill the air with song.

March winds blow softly in the morning air. Across the road, the flags unfurl. As the wind picks up, blowing harder, the flags snap & pop then whip back & forth. All at once, they stand straight out, almost as though at attention. Only the edges flutter. The stars, in stark contrast to the deep blue, seem to shine with an extra brightness in the sun. Red & white stripes from a hypnotizing pattern when they ripple in the breeze.

My window tells me spring is coming. In fact, I think it's already here. Every where I look, I see the brilliant colors and other signs of early spring.

The Blank Page

A blank page is before me. It looks somewhat intimidating and challenging but exciting at the same time.
A clean white sheet of paper waiting for my thoughts lies there. It waits for my thoughts to fill it. Shall I write letters to friends? Start a story? Author an essay? Compose a poem? Breathe a prayer?
As the ink flows, so do my ideas. Words come into my mind and out through my fingers. The pen moves. Black lines form the symbols of words. The things I see out my window become images in my eyes that transform onto the page.
Hope begins to blossom. I may get a whole page today. My muse smiles encouragement to me as I pause. She whispers in my ear, “Keep up the good work. Be brave.” So I continue, still not knowing where this will end.
Oh dear! Where did that thought go? I had an idea, but it slipped away before I could get it down. Will I find it again? Will another take its place? Can I keep the doubts at bay and just continue moving the pen? What’s next? A list? A question? How do I proceed? What’s the next sentence?
Well, as you can see, I’m done now. I covered the blank page with my scribbles until there is no more room and nothing more to say.
Good enough for now.

Ten Words

“For I am full of words, and the spirit within me compels me; I am like bottled-up wine, like new wineskins ready to burst. I must speak and find relief; I must open my lips and reply.” ~ Job 32:18-20

I need 10 words to describe my week. How can I distill 168 hours into 10 words? How can I break the ups and downs of 10,080 minutes into 10 words? Where do I begin? Do I keep a minute by minute account of my day? I would get nothing done but analysis and writing. Then, I would still need to choose only one word for the day, or more accurately 1.4286 words per day. What is .4286 of a word? Is it a partial thought?

It is so hard to choose. Each moment is unique. Each moment brings a different feeling to it: bored, sleepy, learning, busy, tired, loved, excited, sad, happy, lonely, overwhelmed. All these can happen during one day. How can I choose only one word?

I want to use descriptive words that express the overall complete feeling of the day, but what do I emphasize? What's the most outstanding point of any one day?

I want to be honest, to share my days with the friends and family of my life. Should I limit my choices to all positive upbeat words? Can I be truthful enough to share those not so great days? Will they understand?

My trust in God leads me to believe they will accept me as the sinner saved by grace that I am. I hope I can remove my mask and be real.

Ten words to reveal the real me. Lord, help me.

A Moment of Worship

Phrases of songs float through my mind. I hear bits and pieces of God’s gospel in the music. Words bring powerful images of the awesome holiness of God and the amazing mercy and grace He bestowed on me.

I think I forget, at times, the greatness of God. I tend to take for granted my access to Him and come into His presence and neglect to seek forgiveness and cleansing. I don’t always take the time to worship Him and give Him praise. Too often my time with the Lord is spent whining and complaining or presenting a list of “I wants” disguised as “I needs”.

When I seek guidance, do I pray, “What would You have me do?” or do I pray, “This is what I’m doing, bless my efforts.”

As the music plays in my head, I hum along. It reminds me of the truth of His word and that brings a smile to my lips and a prayer forms:

Dear Lord, help me remember to seek your guidance and blessing first. In all things let me be full of praise of You. Let me always express my gratitude to You. Let me always rejoice in You. Let me always worship You.

Who I Am

Who am I? That sounds like a simple question, but the answer is not simple. I am a complex being so when I’m asked this question, I feel I am a confused child in a grown up body. One would think that by my age and with my experience, I would have some idea of who I am. But, putting that essence of me into words that aptly describe the real me seems a daunting task.

I know that I am more that what I do: accounting, house work, volunteering or writing. These are merely outward symbols of me. I enjoy most of these symbols. I feel useful and necessary when I do them, even though almost anyone could do what I do.

I know, too, that the different hats that I wear are not the complete, real me either.

I am a wife, mother, and grandmother. I am an ever-learning student and I find the world and the people in it fascinating. I am the caretaker of our home. I am our family historian. These things combine to define my place in my family.

However, all of these are not the real me. I am a three-part woman comprised of body, mind and spirit.

The body grows older day by day. It no longer looks as it looked when I was young. It weakens and fails and will someday cease to function. When it does, others will call it death although I think of it as sleep.

My mind, too, ages. It seems to age more slowly than my body and feels much younger than my years. My mind is still capable of rational thought and I have attained a certain degree of wisdom by learning from my mistakes. (At least my children seem to think I have.) Someday the mind, too, will cease to function in this world and I will no longer have the ability to communicate with those around me.

My spirit, therefore, must contain the essence of me for my spirit lives forever. My spirit invited Jesus to come and dwell with me. He came and the Holy Spirit abides in me and I abide in Him. Because of this, I will live when my body and mind cease. Soul and Spirit have peace and joy in the hope of eternity with God.

So, who I am is simple after all. I am an eternal spirit captured for a short time in this mortal body. I am a child of God, created in His image to fellowship with Him. I am a disciple learning of my Master. I am heir to my Father’s kingdom. I am a woman of faith.

I am Karen and I am unique in all the universe.

I am Not Worthy

I am not worthy of your love, mercy & grace. I am not worthy to come before the throne. I can do no good thing on my own. I am unable to obey the law. I have no love. I am unclean, born of sin. Only through the saving blood of Jesus that washes me clean and makes me whole can you bear to look upon me. Only then can I bear for you to see me.

But, I look beyond myself, beyond what I am, and see who & what God is. When I see God, what I am no longer matters because of who He is. He is all I need.

Jehovah Shammah

The Lord is There

You, my Jehovah Shammah, are the I Am is There – but where is there? As I look to your word, You are revealed. The answer comes.

You are there in creation as you make everything from nothing.
You are there in the garden with Adam & Eve.
You are there in the Ark with Noah.
You are there with Abraham in the Covenant you make with him.
You are there with Sarah as she delivers Isaac, the child of promise.
You are there with Moses as he leads the people from Egypt.
You are there in the tabernacle in the desert. Your glory is visible to all.
You are there with the judges who govern & guide.
You are there with David, a man after your heart.
You are there with the prophets as they warn of judgment. You treasure your people and the pain of their idolatry tears at your heart. You promise forgivenss if the people repent of their wickedness & idolatry and return to worship you.
You are there in your temple in Jerusalem – and then you withdraw your presence from the earth. You keep silent for over 400 years.

But, you return!

You are there in Jesus as he walks among us, as he sacrifices himself for us, as he rises from the dead & ascends to heaven.
You are there in the disciples and apostles as they spread the good news of life in Christ.
You are there in me. Because I have faith and repent, you redeem me and I am yours. Your Holy Spirit lives within me.
You are there at the last battle when Satan & all evil are defeated.
You are there in the new heaven & new earth when we fellowship & worship face to face for all eternity.

Yes, you are Jehovah Shammah and you are Here.

Jehovah Tsidkenu

The Lord Our Righteousness

The heart of man is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked. But you, oh Lord, have kept your covenant with us. Sacrifices offered cannot change the heart or make us acceptable to you, only you can do that.

You saw our failure and sent judgment. You are Jehovah Tsidkenu and in you there is hope. In your name are righteousness and the promise of grace.

In your grace we receive a new heart. We can be right with you. We can be more than good. We can be made straight. We can be what you say is right and good. We can live according to your standard.

You write your law in our heart, our innermost being. You forgive our wickedness and forget our sin. You remove our heart of stone and turn us to you. You give us a new heart and your Spirit to live within us. You enable us to walk with you, to follow your statutes and obey your laws.

You, Our Righteousness, gather us to you. You attend to us. You give us wise and able spiritual leaders. You take away all fear. You give us Jesus, who is the Righteous Branch, our Messiah. He is wisdom and justice. He will reign on the throne of David as King forever.

Though Jesus was made sin for us, by believing in Him we are made righteous in your sight. We are given a heart not made of stone. We have a new master. We are cleansed by believing in Him. By receiving Jesus, we are made right with you.

The heart of man is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked but you are our Jehovah Tsidkenu, the Lord Our Righteousness.