Half a Glass

To see the glass as half empty is to see the world through depressed and sad eyes.

The mindset of depression and pessimism nags at me trying to drag me down into the abyss, spiraling deeper and deeper into blackness. Sadness overwhelms me and presses me farther and farther down into the pit of despair. It is only through an intentional effort to cultivate a grateful attitude that I begin to crawl back into the light of His goodness and grace. There I can again look at the glass as half full. There I begin to grasp at hope and optimism.

I know that in many ways I am deeply blessed. I have much to be happy about and little that is really bad in my life, but at times I find it hard to remember all the goodness. I try to write thanksgivings in my journal each time I record an entry to remind myself of all that I do have.

Naturally an optimistic person, it has been only in the last four or five years that I have had this problem of a deep, overwhelming sadness. It began on our farm at Noel and has been a struggle since then. I think it had its roots in a high and out of control blood sugar coupled with fluctuating hormones and a high stress level. As I better controlled these, the depression came back into balance, too. The year 2008 was a breakthrough year concerning this and now, in 2009, I am much better and have only an occasional "bad" day. I can usually tell if it is sugar related, if I am tired or if there is some other logical reason that I'm feeling down. Seldom does it last more than a few minutes or a few hours.

Life is full of ups and downs. When I was "down", I feared for my sanity and often my husband feared for my life. Through the power of the Holy Spirit, the struggle to remain on an "up" comes less often and is easier to win. Through the help and concern of friends and family, the touch of gifted Prayer Warriors, and God's grace I am very much better than I was. Today, as I strive for balance in all things, I am again more likely to see the glass as half full.