Jehovah Raah

I Am Your Shepherd

Jehovah–Raah is my shepherd.
His sheep am I.

He feeds me the bread of life.
He gives me rest in Him.
He leads me to quiet water so I may drink of Him until I thirst no more.
He restores my soul.
He guides me in righteousness.
I follow His safe paths.
His sheep am I.

When I walk through shadow places and dark times,
I fear not for He is with me.
I have no defense but Him.
He destroys my enemies.
He draws me back to the Way.
He speaks and I know His voice.
His sheep am I.

He supplies all my needs.
I have abundant life in Him.
He anoints me with His Holy Spirit.
He pours out His blessing on me.
His sheep am I.

His goodness & mercy follow me all my days.
I will dwell with Him forever.
He is Jehovah–Raah, the Good Shepherd.
His sheep am I.

Merry Christmas!

The Holiday Season is in full swing with special traditions, family gatherings, food and fun. During this time let us remember the true reason we celebrate: Jesus our Christ.

M essiah
E verlasting Love
R edeemer
R andom acts of Kindness
Y ou are His treasured possession

C hrist Child
H oly God
R adiant Joy
I srael's King
S acrificed for Sin
T rust in God
M agi with gifts follow the Star
A ngels’ Announcement
S hepherds hear the News

May our Great God bless you with Peace & Joy.

Jehovah Sabaoth

I Am the Lord of Hosts

When I come to the end of my self,
When I am at the end of my strength,
When I need power for deliverance,
Then I rest in You.

When no other way seems clear,
When I see no other help,
When I am at the end of my resources,
Then I rest in You.

You are the One who Delivers.
You are the Lord of Hosts.

I come to worship and offer the sacrifice of myself as I plead with You.
I know no one else who can help me.
I face impossible odds and no one believes I can do what you called me to do.
I know you are my power and my strength.

I cannot rely on religion.
I cannot depend on icons or symbols.
I cannot trust my own strength if I want victory.
I must come to you in righteousness.

You are the One who Delivers.
You are the Lord of Hosts.

You are my righteousness.
You are my deliverer.
You are the judge of my enemies.
You see my heart and save my soul.

You, Jehovah Sabaoth, are the One who Judges.
You, Jehovah Sabaoth, are the One who Delivers.
You, Jehovah Sabaoth, are the Lord of Hosts.

Fall Retreat

Our church Women’s Ministry recently held our Fall Retreat. We met in the Keeter Center at College of the Ozarks near Branson, MO. Beautiful surroundings and sweet fellowship gave us a time to refresh & renew as we gathered together away from family & responsibilities.

My room, shared with 3 others, was a Suite. We had a living room, bedroom (2 queen sized beds), bath with 2nd sink & huge mirror separate from the shower, and a kitchenette. A small balcony overlooked the campus and most of Branson. We returned to our room after dinner & the evening meeting to find our beds turned down, scrumptious cookies and fresh milk from the school's own dairy.

Outside our door, the balcony hallway overlooked the three story tree covered in thousands of twinkling white lights. Comfortable seating made it possible to watch the lobby activity from above. The Christmas Tree Lighting Ceremony occurred Friday night and a wonderful buffet with the most delightful snacks, hot chocolate or hot apple cider was available to all. Music flowed everywhere, even a live chorus for carols, and created a very soothing and welcoming atmosphere.

Classes were a study entitled "Loving Well" presented by Beth Moore via DVD with application activities afterward. The basic truth I left knowing is : Loving well comes from being well loved. All love comes from our Father God as He is Love.

After a delicious catered lunch, we left for shopping. The outlet mall was packed! Our group stayed about 2 hours then headed home. I enjoyed a lovely weekend of pampering and food – both spiritual and physical.

I'm already marking the days and looking forward to the next Fall Retreat.

Jehovah Shalom

I Am Peace

True Peace cannot be found apart from You. My peace depends on my relationship with You. When I obey You, I have peace for peace comes as a blessing from You. I rest in You. You hold my future and my hope is in You. Peace comes when I focus on You, when I let go of worry & trust in You.

Your Word – the good, right & perfect way – brings peace. My thankful heart rejoices in You. You hear me & give me peace through Jesus. When I think on the true, honorable, right, pure, lovely, good, excellent, praise worthy, when I dwell (which is to live or abide) on these things, peace comes from You.

You promised me the Prince of Peace who is Lord of Lords & King of Kings. Through Him I have peace with You. I have peace, no matter what my circumstances, because of You. It is of your very essence.

You have given me Your Peace, not what this world offers as peace, but peace to my soul when I rest in You.

You keep me in perfect peace when I focus on You. As I am filled with Your Spirit, You give me peace for you are my Jehovah Shalom. You are the Lord is Peace.

Jehovah-Mekoddishkem

I Am the One Who Sanctifies

You are a Holy God. There is only goodness in You. Sin cannot be in your presence. So, you made a way for me, sinful as I am, to come before you. You set me apart from the world when you saved me. You made me different from the inside out. Now I come to you through grace; the grace of the cross.

Before the cross, the priests were continually offering sacrifices to atone for the people. So many laws, rules & regulations no one could live up to all of them. The Law shows me my failure, my sin. Jesus cleanses me & makes me holy. Jesus is the final sacrifice, the final atonement. Because He is at your right hand, I am able to approach you freely. I can worship you. I can ask of you. You freely give.

You gave the Israelites the Sabbath as a reminder that they are your chosen possession & are to be set apart from the world. The Sabbath is the reminder that it is You who make us holy. You created the Sabbath for our good. You instructed the Israelites to keep it. Do no work; reflect on the greatness & goodness of God. It is a holy day to be used as rest for the body & refreshment for the soul.

How do I “keep Sabbath”? How do I make it a holy time & not just a day to do nothing? How do I make it a day spent focused on God? How do I focus on His love for me & for the world? I am not under the Law, but still need redemption. Is this law still valid for today? Didn’t Jesus fulfill the Law & do away with legalism? We worship in Spirit, but the Bible calls this an everlasting covenant. If we are “children of Abraham” are we required to keep our part of the covenant even though not physically a Jew?

How do I live a holy life? How do I live set apart? How do I remain a peculiar people? What do I do that shows who You are? I can do nothing on my own, in my own power or strength. All I can do is have faith in You, ask for forgiveness & plead the blood of Christ. You accept my plea & forgive. Through the blood I am sanctified for you are Jehovah – Mekoddishkem, the One Who Sanctifies.

Hanging of the Green

It's that season again and time to prepare for the celebration of the birth of our Savior. Tonight the women of our church will gather to decorate for Advent and Christmas. This story is from our gathering last year. I know this year will be as joyful

November 25, 2007

Rain drizzles. I park the truck and pull my coat closer to block out the cold. I open the church door and soft voices mixed with laughter float to me, more warming than the heat of the building. Favorite melodies drift around us and proved soothing background. I smile to myself in expectation of the evening ahead.

Tables arranged with soft white cloths and burgundy silk, topped with candles shining through the prism of crystal holders offer welcome. Across the room stands a long table draped in gold. Burgundy poinsettias and pewter candelabras rest amid the deep wine of the artfully scrunched runner; it invites us to taste the tempting morsels we bring.

In one corner, a group of several women sort the sections of a giant Christmas tree. They fluff branches and place them firmly on the "trunk". Miniature white lights are strung and lit; the angel placed securely on top. Perfection!

At the front of the sanctuary, a small group of friends wind strings of lights among the branches of huge wreaths and greenery. The tiny lights cause large bows of burgundy and gold to shine in contrast to the deep green. They hang these around the baptistery. More friends hang wreaths along the side walls, between the windows.

At the altar, a table arrives. Carefully, the ladies place a gold lame' runner on the polished wood. One cleans the Advent Ring reverently then arranges it on one corner. Another places a Bible, open to the Nativity Story, on the opposite corner.

The lights of the sanctuary dim until we see only by the illumination of the candles and the Christmas lights. We sisters in Christ gather. Hands and hearts joined in prayer, we give thanks and ask for blessing. We fill plates and sit to rest. Time is spent chatting over food and catching up with friends.

Soon, we clear our tables and move as a group to the altar. We listen to memories and gift ideas and ways to enhance the anticipation of Advent. We move closer and sing Christmas Hymns. I sense the Lord's presence in voices lifted in song, and also in the laughter when we falter at the words.

It's getting late. Husbands and families expect us at home. We unite in prayer again and go our separate ways. I know, as we go out into the cold dark night, when we met together for the hanging o' the green, we had a taste of heaven here on earth.

Jehovah Nissi

I Am Your Banner

Christian friends, we are in warfare; we are called to be soldiers. Our enemy has not flesh & blood, but is the spirit of unrighteousness manifested by Lucifer and his followers.

You, Jehovah Nissi, are our ensign at the head of our line. You show us the way. You are our rallying point. You shine in the sun so we can see you, come to you, follow you.

Just as a standard goes before the army, you went before me. You fought the battle. You won. You are victory. As Moses raised his staff, Joshua & the Israelites prevailed in battle. Jesus was raised on the cross for us to prevail in our battle. We war against a world that shows no fear or any respect for our God. You lead me to do what is right, what is good, what is holy.

My battle begins within myself. I fight against my selfishness, my rebellion, my pride, my hypocrisy. These sins, and others, must be conquered. I cannot do this on my own, but through your Holy Spirit enabling me, I win the battle. You are the Way to victory. Only you can win the war. You have won it already.

Let me come after you in that last battle when you descend from heaven with eyes blazing fire. Let me ride with you in that battle when you wear your crowns & whit robe dipped in blood. Let me ride with you, and the armies of heaven, dressed in fine white line. Let me ride with you in that battle when from your mouth comes a sharp sword, when you rule & reign, when you tread the wine-press of wrath and on your robe is written King of Kings & Lord of Lords.

You, Jehovah Nissi, go before us to make war. You capture the Evil One and all his followers. You bind him & hold him captive. You destroy him. You show me the way to go. You shine before me high & lifted up. May I share victory with you as I follow you. For you, Oh Lord, are my Jehovah Nissi - my I Am Your Banner.

16th Birthday

Memories of my dad are few: some home movies, swimming, and my 16th birthday.

My birthday is always close to Thanksgiving, sometimes even the day itself. So, in November 1969, my brother and I drove to Kansas City to see our dad for the holiday weekend.

I don't remember the dinner, where it was or who was there. But, I do remember wearing a blue paisley tent dress -- very stylish at the time -- and going to town. Dad remembered it was my birthday without my telling him. I was so surprised. He offered to take me shopping for a present, just the two of us. I didn't know how to act around him. He'd been divorced from Mom four years and we didn't see him often. Besides, I was quiet and shy in those days, especially around adults.

In any event, we left for town. I don't even recall what store we chose (that was in the days before Wal-Mart!), just bright lights and the electronics counter. We looked at various things I suppose, but I was drawn to an AM-FM radio. It wore tan leather and the telescoping antenna strapped to the side adjusted for better reception. The attached electric cord stored in a special compartment on the back when not in use. Batteries were included. It seemed too expensive for me to ask for it, but he could tell it was what I wanted. I went home happy and listened to songs all the way.

I allowed no one to touch my radio and enjoyed my hours with only its music, and the memory of that day, to keep me company. Even now, it is one of my treasures.

My Superman

Happy Birthday to my Superman!!

My Superman is my husband. Just like Clark Kent, you'd never guess his greatness. He's very quiet, unassuming, shy and easily overlooked. But, he's always there to rescue those in need.

My Superman stays in the background and always lets others take credit for his good ideas or deeds. He's a peacemaker and is always the calming influence in a charged atmosphere.

My Superman is strong and sure in an emergency. He's always calm as he takes charge and directs others to do what needs to be done. His strength seems to last forever as he can just go on & on until everyone is taken care of and all the chores are done. His only concern is that the work is done so the rest of us will have an easier tomorrow.

My Superman is kind and compassionate to others. He always tries to take care of everyone, ignoring any pain or discomfort of his own. Only after everyone else has everything they need, will he consider his own needs.

My Superman loves God with all his heart and is always applying Godly principles to the events of daily life. He has a verse to fit any occasion. He prays for others and strives to serve the Lord in all he does.

My Superman is a clown. He's always joking and laughing. One of his greatest pleasures is to make others laugh. He even tells jokes to himself if no one else is around. My Superman can't bear to see anyone cry; he does everything he can to keep us laughing.

My Superman has an angry side. He gets really mad at lies, injustice and evil. Because of this, he's always truthful, fair and good himself and strives to help others be this way, too.

My Superman is a teacher. He shares all he has learned with those who will listen. Because of hard times, hurts and problems he has acquired a life-time of wisdom. He's always trying to prevent others from hardships by relating what he learned from personal experience.

My Superman has had to deal with Lois Lane. She is the independent woman who tends to ignore the quiet Clark Kent and who idolizes Superman. He's also had a Perry White, who bosses and controls his life, and with Jimmy Olsen (more than one!) who is always there, more often in the way than a help. Through it all my Superman keeps his cool and keeps on doing the job God has given him.

My Superman must have a Kryptonite, but I haven't found it yet.

My Superman is my Husband. Do you have a Superman in your life? I hope so.

Jehovah Rapha

I AM your Healer

Sin has broken me. I am in pieces before you. I cannot mend my self. I cannot heal the wounds nor stop the hurting. Eve’s sin, and Adam’s, separates me from your healing. There is no hope for me. But No! You are here; You, the mighty I AM. You draw me to you. You sprinkle the blood sacrifice of Jesus on my soul. Sin is covered. I rejoice. I give thanks. I am healed.

I live in an imperfect world with imperfect people. They cause me pain. They tear at my heart. They wound me. I withdraw into myself. I cry out to you. I run to you for you are my strong tower, my safety. There with you, you heal me. You cover the scars; take them upon yourself. Day by day I am healed.

Days, months, years of my life pass. My mind cracks around the edges. Demons of anger & depression stab me with darts of fear & inadequacy. As I sink into the pit, the abyss of despair, I call for you. You lift me up, out of my self-imposed prison. You give me peace & joy. I am healed.

Age accumulates; my body fails. Disease attacks, knocks me down. I faint for fear that you are punishing me. I search my soul, like Job, and see no cause. Are you testing me? Will you use this to your glory? How will I know? In my pain, I turn to you. I pray. I call the elders to anoint me with oil & pray. You meet me at my need. I am healed.

I see my country torn apart by the wickedness of our people. The citizens of my nation suffer, yet they continue to ignore you. I search my heart. Your spirit reveals any unrighteousness. I repent & pray. Your children call out to you and you are there. You hear from heaven as we cry to you. You answer. You keep your word. We are healed.

You know every part of me – all the chips & cracks. I can hide nothing from you. In your perfect timing, you pour out healing. You give me peace. I am healed.

My heart overflows with gratitude. I worship, praise, adore you. You restore me. I am healed.

It's Been a Long Time Coming

My granddaughter went to live with her Dad. She's 11 now. She was 2 when her parents divorced. Her sister moved in with him last year just as she turned 12.

We prayed for God's will at the custody hearing. We prayed for His best for the girls; we believed it would be for them to live with their Dad. They have lived all this time with their mother, but now -- without a court battle -- they have both decided to live with their Dad.

My older granddaughter, Courtney, a strong willed child, is maturing and during the coming teen-age years she'll need a firm, loving hand.

Sydney has always been a quieter, more compliant child. She has always been indulged because she's the youngest, but when she decides she wants something, she perseveres until she gets it. Her dad will give her the gentle guidance she needs.

Our prayer for these young girls is that they will blossom and bloom into the women God calls them to be. It's been a long time coming, but God has answered our prayer in His time.

Music Fills the Air

The music of nature fills the air.

Wind whispers in the naked branches of winter barren trees.

Birds chirp, searching for food on the sodden ground.

Water ripples and gurgles among rocks in the creek.

God speaks in the music.

He calls to me, offering peace and hope.

He whispers love in my ears and offers strong arms of comfort.

Too often I hesitate.

Too often I don't run to meet Him, but hang back holding on to my sorrow and distress.

Yet, He is always there ready to receive me when I come running.

He dries my tears.

He gently reminds me of His promises.

He waits to welcome me.

Jehovah-Jireh

God is "I Am, your Provider"

Provider for my soul, you see me from before creation & into eternity. Because you see, you know my need. You planned how to meet those needs and set them in place. They are available when I get to the place I need them. You provided Jesus, your Holy & Beloved Son, as the sacrificial atonement for my sin.

You supply, you give, you provide for my spirit by giving of yourself through your Holy Spirit. He lives in me. He enables me to know you; to see you. You give me cause to praise & worship you. You provide opportunities for service, enable me and show me the way to serve you.

You placed me with parents who loved me and helped me grow. You gave me a husband & family. You give me friends for social contact. In these ways, You provide for my emotional needs.

You shower me with physical blessings. You provide my health, my home, my finances. You allow me use of your limitless resources. I have no worry for what tomorrow may bring. I can rely on you to provide for me each day. You provide for my future in this life & in the life to come.

From before time to the end of time you see, know & provide for every facet of my life. You provide for all of me: spiritual, emotional & physical.

You provide love, forgiveness & comfort. You alone in all of heaven & earth can completely provide for every aspect of me.

You are my God. You are my Jehovah-Jireh.

Jehovah

The Self-Existent One

You said to Moses, “I am that I am.”
You have always been.
You are now.
You will always be.
You are the Alpha & Omega.
You are just in all things.
You are righteous, compassionate & gracious.
You are slow to anger and quick to forgive when asked.
You punish evil.
You abound in loving kindness.
You are truth.
You are love.
You are life.
All life is in You.
You are Jehovah – the One who is.
You are three in one: Father, Son & Holy Spirit.
You are the keeper of your promises.
You fulfill your covenant.

All I need is you, for you are Jehovah
Who was & is & will be.

Adonai

Ruler -- Master

Adonai, Ruler of the universe, King of all kings, you rule & reign over all creation.

Lord of lords, your loving kindness is everlasting.

You decide what I must do & how to do it. You provide the tools I need. You, a good master, know my talents and give me work using my abilities. You take care of me, for I am yours. I have no life of my own, but only live to do your bidding. I belong to you; I give my heart to you because you bought me with your sacrifice.

I bow before you, Oh Lord. You are my master; I am your slave. In everything you ask of me, you provide all I need to complete the task. You enable me through your Spirit. Your yoke is easy and your burden is light.

You came as a servant to show me how to serve. You loved me first, so I would know how to love. The desire of my heart is to know you, to hear you, to worship your, to obey you, to serve you. I long to hear you welcome me to heaven saying, "Well done, my good and faithful servant."

You will come again, with a shout and the trumpet, to call us home to be with you. The whole earth will see you come and every knee will bow, every tongue will confess you are Lord -- Adonai. You, Oh Lord, triumph over evil and defeat wickedness. You will bind Satan, the evil one, and reign as King of Kings for a thousand years of peace on the earth. You will cast Satan into the bottomless pit and rule forever & ever in Heaven.

Even so, come quickly, Lord Jesus, my Adoani.

Words of Life

• Rejoice in the Lord always!
• I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
• My God shall meet all your needs according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus.
• For He Himself is our peace.
• He is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine according to His power that is at work within us.

Wonderful promises of God found in His word. There for all to see if only we look (read & understand). Understanding comes from the Holy Spirit within us. He interprets and translates the words into our hearts and souls so we may see and understand. We may truly know God: mighty, powerful, righteous, holy, merciful and kind. Through Christ we begin to know the Father. We have access to Him He loves us as His children. Christ's blood given sacrificially for us gives us holiness, which is necessary to approach our Holy God. Our sins forgiven, He adopts us as His children. We become His family and dwell in His home in heaven.

Praise & Glory to God, Father, Son & Spirit. Holy, Just, Righteous, Loving, Forgiving, Cleansing. We welcome you into our hearts; You welcome us to heaven.

Near Noel, MO

I sit here, overlooking the Elk River, sipping tea and wondering what God has for me next.

The river looks cool and serene: inviting to all my senses. Shades of green in trees -- sycamore, oak, wild locust, walnut -- shrubs of all kinds, grape vines and ivy provide a palette of soothing variety. They blend together then a splash of yellow or red peeps through the green in a bold display.

Blue from the sky and white clouds interspersed with shades of green from the trees, reflect in the still, deep water.

My gaze travels up-stream. I see no sign of life, but I am deceived by the stillness. Fish hide in the shadows waiting for the unwary insect to glide by. Birds flit among the branches searching for tasty tidbits. Squirrels chatter and jump from branch to branch. When on the ground, they run a few steps then sit up to search for predators. Ears and tails twitch with nervous energy. They watch, ready to run at any motion.

God is here, too. His peace rests on this place. He made this scene for me, His child, to enjoy and be refreshed. The restoration of my soul draws me to Him. My heart lifts in praise, adoration and worship for the Creator.

El Shaddai -- Almighty God

The All Sufficient One

Hallelujah! For our Lord God Almighty reigns -- Rev. 19:6

Your power comes not from violence, but from all bountifulness.
You pour yourself out for me; you pour out blessings on me.
You gave your son for me.
You give yourself, your very nature, to me.
You breathe life to me.

I abide (rest) in you and you abide (dwell) in me.
You mould me to your pleasure that I may be used to bless others.
I give up all of me that I may be full of you.
Your power is demonstrated in my weakness and
I say with Paul, "When I am weak, then am I strong".

You restore my soul.
You are my delight.
I stand in awe of you.
You are holy & righteous; your judgments are pure & just.
You do no wrong; there is no evil in you.

"Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty, who was, and is, and is to come!" -- Rev. 4:8

Before anything was, you are.
You hear me when I seek you.
You are my understanding.
You are my wisdom.
You answer my prayers according to the motives of my heart.

You discern & know my heart's cry.
You are the unconditional lover of my soul.
Your name is above every name.
You, El Shaddai, are all I need.
You, El Shaddai, are my All Sufficient One.

Healing Touch

I lie curled in a fetal position in the dim light of the bedroom. My whole body aches; my head pounds. I try to rest.

Slowly, the door opens He step to my bedside and softly asks, "How are you doing?"

I mumble, "Not too well."

He touches my arm and helps me sit up. I rise to stand on legs I fear won't hold me. He pulls me toward him then wraps me in his arms. His hug is warm and comforting. I lean in to inhale the smell of them. There it is -- the familiar lingering smell of diesel, a hint of sweat and wintergreen. He just got home from a hard week on the road.

As we stand there, he begins to rub my back. I sigh and melt into him a little more. He runs scarred fingers through my hair. He places work calloused hands on my face. I look up at him and smile. He kisses my forehead, his lips brushing my skin soft as a feather. He steps back and I lie down again.

The pain is gone from my body. My head eased, I drift into sleep. When I wake, I go in search of him.

As I get ready for bed that night, I reflect on the day. I'm thankful for his healing touch and I am reminded of God.

I think of God searching me out when the wounds and cares of life send me whimpering. He lovingly holds me close until I no longer ache. He wraps caring arms around me, holds me gently and gives me rest. All He requires of me is to lean on Him and receive His healing touch.

Boots

I walk into the kitchen for my first cup of coffee. There, beside the door, sit my son's boots. I frown. "Why didn't he put these away?" I wonder for the 1,000th time.

I study them: lace up Justin cowboy boots. They define my son. Tall, up over the ankle for stability, laces adjust to thickness of socks or soreness of a turned ankle. These boots are scuffed from hours in the round pen with colts; worn smooth by days in the saddle. Traces of mud and horse manure mixed together cling to the soles. The odor of horses and the outdoors floats around them.

These boots are not just kicked off and scattered across the floor. They sit upright, side by side, and out of the way so no one will trip over them. They wait patiently for the next time he wants them, ready for another day in the sun.

My frown changes to a smile. I see the man he has become: a modern cowboy, thoughtful and kind, a purpose in all he does. The boots remind me of his growing up years, of his hopes and dreams of having a cattle and horse ranch. He's on his way now to achieving those dreams. Boots carried him from his childhood dreams to his adult reality.

I walk around the kitchen and start breakfast for the man who will soon fill these boots.

El Roi, The God Who Sees

El Roi watches over His word to see that it is fulfilled: His word that created the universe including mankind; including me.

El Roi saw me in my mother's womb. He saw me come to Jesus as a child. He saw me through the teenage years when I didn't follow Him. He watched me become a woman, a wife, a mother and a grandmother.

El Roi watched over me as we moved away from family & friends and began life in a new place.

El Roi sees my children and grandchildren. He watches over them, cares for them, and loves them as they grow. He knows their hearts.

El Roi is with my husband as he drives across the nation. He is aware of all the dangers and troubles he faces. He also sees my dear one as he learns, praises and worships in the solitude of his big truck.

El Roi watches me as I live my married life. He sees me as I come and go -- wherever I go. He sees the desires of my heart. He sees behind the masks I wear in public. He sees the hurts, the wants and the needs of me, His child. He sees the large things and the small things. He sees me as I am. He sees me as I hope to become. He sees me as He knows I am capable of becoming.

El Roi sees when I do wrong and when I do right. He sees me through the Blood of Jesus that covers me. He sees me when I please Him and when I fail Him. He sees how I show Him to others. He sees how I react to the ones around me.

El Roi -- the God who sees -- sees what I can't. He sees the hearts of others; their hurts, their needs, their motives.

As I come to know you, Father as El Roi, give me your eyes that I might see. Let me see what I am missing. Let me see me as You see me. Let me see others as you see them. Let me see You.

Wedding News & Pics

Just a few shots from the Big Night.
Newlyweds, September 26, 2008

Steve & Jessie
Me, Jessie, Steve & Dad


Steve goofing off.

The excitement in over and things are back to normal around here.

We welcomed a new daughter into the family last Friday night when our son "got hitched". The bride looked beautiful and the groom cleaned up pretty good, too. It was a small, intimate wedding where we all felt the warm glow of their love. The week-end honeymoon spent at the lake was a huge success and they came home tired but happy. Now, every one is settling into our normal routines.

El Elyon, God Most High

The Sovereign God

Controller of the universe, all things exist by your will.

You know my future.

You have a plan for me.

You know my adversary and do not allow him free reign.

You hedge me in and offer protection.

By your will the history of my life -- indeed, the entire world -- unfolds before you.

You give me the choice to follow you.

You will not force your will on me,

But allow me to choose to seek you.

When I do, I give you joy.

You control all the circumstances of my life -- both good & bad -- and use them to fulfill your will and purpose in my life.

Your purpose for my life is to love, honor and praise you.

I look forward to eternity with you when I may perfectly worship you.

I call you by name, God Most High; you fulfill your purpose for me.

You accomplish all things for me.

You are my El Elyon, my Sovereign God.

Trying Something New

I saw a writing prompt recently that suggested writing a Haiku. I had never tried this before and found it quite challenging. You might want to try it, too.

Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary definition:
Haiku -- an unrhymed verse form of Japanese origin having three lines containing usually five, seven, and five syllables respectively ; also : a poem in this form usually having a seasonal reference

Belief

Father, Son, Spirit

Our universe creator

Deserves our worship

Below is the second one I wrote. Our younger son is getting married this Friday so weddings and family are on my mind right now.

Family

Wed, two become one.

We live, laugh, love together

Growing close with age.

A Prayer of Commitment

Father God, my Creator,
What is your purpose for my life?
Why was I born? Why am I here?
Your Word says I am created in your image and for your glory.
Your Word also says I am created by your will and for your pleasure.

Lord, by your power alone, I live for you.
By your Holy Spirit, I reflect your holiness, goodness, mercy and grace.
Your light, shining through me, reveals your loving kindness and sacrifice to the world.

I rest in you.
May my life give you honor and glory.
Let me "die to self" and live each second through you.
You have my heart -- I gave it to you when a child.
Now I surrender all of me to you.
Use me, all of me.
Take all of my knowledge, talents and gifts for your kingdom.
Be my strength and courage as I face each day.
Give me boldness to show others what you have given me, and more than that, show who you are.

I love you, my Creator, because you have loved me with an everlasting love.
I serve you, Father, to do your will and give you pleasure.

Visit with Family

Last week I went to visit my sister. Her daughter, my niece, was home from D.C. I hadn't seen her in about a year, so was excited to be with her. We had some valuable one on one time that I truly enjoyed.

While in Oklahoma, I also heard my nephew and the church band as they rehearsed for Sunday morning. It was fabulous! I learned he writes song lyrics and he wrote one of the songs they played that night.

I learned something new from my sister, too. While we drove to her house after dinner, she casually mentioned that she sang solos at church. This kind of floored me because it seemed out of character with the sister I knew. But, I've heard her sing around the house and she's pretty good. I look forward now to hearing her sing in public.

I very much admire the life my sister has built. I give thanks often for growing up with her. I am especially proud to know her as a woman of character, sister, friend and servant of Jesus.

All of this made me wonder -- what have I learned about myself? I'm not sure I learned anything new, but I realized that I am more self confident these days. I am more content and satisfied with the person I have become; I like me a lot better. I hope I continue to stretch my limits, grow, try new things and learn something every day. I pray I draw close to the Lord my God, learn of Him, worship Him, and obey Him.

So Different, So Alike

Why do we do the things we do? How do our idiosyncrasies make us each different, unique in the way we think and reason?

Some things must be learned behaviors from watching parents or other adults as we grow. But how do we explain twins, separated at birth, who grow up miles, even countries, apart and yet have the same behavior patterns and mannerisms? How much is actually from our DNA?

The diversity of humans amazes met. Yet, how much we are the same.

I see, as many women do as we mature, so very much of my mother in me. My sister-in-law reminds me of my mother-in-law who in turn is similar to her mother. What makes this so? Even our best efforts fail to overcome those habits we see in ourselves that remind us of our parents. Mannerisms: the turn of a head or a gesture, so like a parent even as we strive to be different.

Sons like fathers, daughters like mothers. So different, so alike. The very things about our parents that drive us crazy, even infuriate us, and push us out of the nest to be on our own, we begin to see in ourselves more and more.

As young parents, we look at our babies searching for us in them. Why? When we don't want to be like our parents, why do we expect our children to be like us?

To God and Father as Elohim

You are wonderful, Father.
Your power and might brought the universe into existence.
You created the huge vastness of space.
You caused the microscopic molecules of the air.
You made man, male & female, in your image.
You love diversity -- in the world, in nature, in people & personalities.
You love your creation.
You, oh God, my Elohim, planned each detail of the world before you placed Adam in the garden.
You provide all we need to be born and to live on this earth.

You knew me before I was born.
You thought about who would be the right parents for me.
You, only you, gave me life.
You planted me in my mother's womb.
You nutured me as I grew into a woman.
You alone caused me to look as I do, think as I do, feel as I do.
You had a plan and a purpose for me before you made the world.
You made me to be your child.

You gave your Son for me before I lived.
You called me to new life in you.
You gifted me with your Holy Spirit.
You grew my faith.
You alone are worthy of my praise.
You alone receive my honor.
You alone deserve my devotion

Continue, day by day, moment by moment, to breathy your Spirit on me that I may worship & adore you, praise & honor you, obey & serve you, love you.

Changing Seasons

Cooler days -- almost cold nights

Cloudless sky

Soft breezes -- leaves flutter

Comfy grass carpet

Water trickles down the rocks

Hawks scream over head

God's glory revealed.

Soon, leaves will color then fade

Float and dance on the wind

Frost, snow and icy wind whistling down the hill

Changing seasons explode with God's greatness

Can't wait for Spring

Flowers bloom -- trees leaf out

Rain

Signs of the season

Days heating up

Longer days, fresh cut hay

More sun -- less rain

No school -- lazy times

Laughter, swimming, baseball

The best time of the year

God's goodness shines with the sun

Metamorphosis

Like a butterfly, she magically floated away as she opened the pages of the travel magazine. She imagined herself among the exotic peoples and places. She pictured her life drifting from place to place as she explored the wonders of God's creation.

Free to imagine, free to dream, free to live her own life with no one to answer to but God; His constant presence real and meaningful. She felt held close by His love.

Freedom. Isn't that something we all crave? Freedom from war, poverty and desolation. Freedom from fear of ridicule and embarrassment as well as freedom from physical pain and degradation. Freedom to love and worship God. Freedom to follow His leading and direction. Freedom to say or do whatever is within His will.

Reading her magazine, she transformed into a courageous adventurer. She climbed mountains and crossed oceans. She became whatever she read.

She closed the book at the end of the last page and slowly, cautiously re-entered her self imposed prison in the real world. She rose from her chair and walked into the kitchen to start dinner for the family she loved.

On Loneliness

Loneliness is separation. Separate by background or activity or history. Separate from ones you love. Separate even in a crowd of family and friends.

Loneliness engulfs you, crushes your spirit, binds you to the earth. Loneliness kills. Kills thought and feeling -- except for the longing to be with someone who knows and understands you.

Loneliness needles at you, makes you retreat in defeat. Or, it forces you out into the world to find that someone who completes you, to find some thing to fill the void.

Loneliness can reveal God: His great comfort and solace, His nearness, His plan for you -- big or small -- His purpose for your life. So, good can come from loneliness if you can be strong enough and courageous enough to step out.

Step outside yourself and see who else is there. Overcome the self pity of being alone. Embrace the aloneness as a time of discovery. Discover who God is and what He's calling you to be. It maybe a time of New Beginning.

Week in Review

An attitude of worship.
A week of purpose spent in companionable silences and family enjoyment.
Times of contemplation and planning.
Feelings of dread (chores undone) and accomplishment.

Cemetery Thoughts

Not too long ago I went to the cemetery where my mother and grandparents are buried.

It's been a long time since I came here. There's a new grave, but I don't know who it is. I haven't been to Mama's yet. Flowers adorn a few sites, bright color in the faded green.

Gray, overcast skies fit my mood. I don't know why I came. She's not here; no one is. I always thought people odd who returned often to cemeteries or decorated graves. Is it a cry for comfort, a denial of loss, a show of grief for the world? Comfort of a kind comes, and a feigning of closeness. It seems easier to talk to her here. I tell her of the important events of my life, share my secrets and dreams; the things I never tell any one. I almost hear her speak, laugh or cry with me. Nowhere else can I feel her. I can cry here and no one believes I'm crazy. I cry for my loss and emptiness, the missed togetherness, the loneliness of her passing. It's been 10 years since she left. Ten years of challenges i met or failed. Ten years of opportunities I took or ignored.

I see her in me more and more. Gestures, speech patterns, the shape of my hands -- all remind me of the woman she was. Am I keeping her good traits? Am I harboring her sense of humor, hospitality and generosity in my heart? Have I met adversity with her strength and fortitude? Do I let my disappointments overwhelm me and drag me into the pit of despair? (i know the answers to these questions.) How can I mirror her greater qualities to my family and foster that giving, loving, caring heart in myself? How can I remember her everyday like I do when I'm here?

I thank God for the mother I had. She loved me greatly and did the best she knew to raise me. It seems she was taken too soon, but God doesn't make mistakes. Even in missing her and the sadness of her absence is the joy of knowing I'll see her again. This I know: she's in a better place and soon I'll join her there. Then we can laugh and talk and praise our God together for eternity.

Although not a perfect person, she was the perfect mother for me.

Thump, Thump, Thump

I'm home alone again this morning. Only the dogs and fish keep me company. It's nothing like when the boys were at home.

Saturday morning. We finish breakfast and chores. The phone rings in the kitchen and my son answers it.

At just over 6 ft. tall, he towers over me and I feel as though he takes up all the air in my space. He hasn't yet learned to control his arms and elbows, or his feet, except when he holds a basketball. This Saturday is typical. He talks on the phone, the 25 foot cord stretched to the limit. He paces as he talks, holding the phone in one hand and dribbling the basketball with the other.

He and his friends are making plans for that evening. One after the other, they call him. He calls one back, then someone else. Hours are spent this way. I cringe at the thump, thump, thump of the ball. Then I smile as I hear his laughter.

Suddenly it's quiet, but only for a moment. He heads to his room, turns on the radio and then goes to shower. Emerging later in jeans, t-shirt and sneakers, he once again picks up the phone and his basketball. The insistent thumping in the kitchen and hall tells me he is is finalizing plans with the group. After a final thump, he drops the ball into the chair. He come to find me and tells me where he'll be and when to expect him home.

He pauses by the door to check his hair one more time. The fragrance of his aftershave drifts behind him and lingers even after he waves and calls out a cheery "See ya later!"

Quiet. Silence fills the empty house. I pick up a book and settle in for the evening. This night I'm glad for the peace, but I am aware that soon, probably sooner than I can imagine, the continual thumping will cease at my house. The phone will ring less often and the laughter of teen-age boys will be absent from my home.

I miss them already.

Approaching Storm

Memory is a funny thing. The bits and pieces I recall from my youth are triggered by the strangest things. I spent yesterday driving to doctor appointments and to see my sister. We had only a short evening of dinner and shopping before I started home again. Driving in the rain from her house to dinner, I remembered this long ago storm.

Dark clouds gathered, lightening flashed, thunder rumbled. Bigger and brighter strikes brought louder and longer booms. Wind blew strong and fierce. The smell of rain consumed the air.

That day in 1965, my mother, my brother and I stood on the front porch of our Oklahoma home and watched the storm gather force. We expected Dad to come home at any time from Kansas City, where he worked all week.

We stood there watching and waiting. My brother, drinking a Pepsi, said that Dad would be home soon. I wanted to believe him, but had my doubts.

Morning gave way to afternoon. More clouds, dark and menacing, rolled overhead. Jagged streaks of light danced in and around the clouds. Deafening thunder crashed all around. Trees whipped wildly in the wind. Their branches clashed together and leaves scattered across any open grass.

Slowly, the storm arrived. Rain beat the old tin roof of the house then streamed in sheets down into the flowerbeds. Puddles quickly formed then ran down the hill to the creek below.

Suddenly, the rage passed. In the aftermath, a slow gentle rain fell and we finally gave up on Dad's arrival. Mom was sad, my brother mad, and disappointment engulfed me, crushing my heart and lungs. I grabbed a jacket and walked into the woods, letting the rain hide my tears, wash the frustration away and soothe my heart.

Late in the day, the sun appeared between breaking clouds. Baby blue streaks shone among the gray. A rainbow arched over the hill. The storm spent, evening arrived to cover the earth with a blanket of blinking stars.

Kids on Bicycles

Three boys and one girl race around the parking lot of the apartments where my son lives. Laughing and taunting, legs pumping, they circle the empty asphalt. Their bikes (hot pink, florescent yellow and lime green) flash in the sun. They show no fear. They dare each other to go faster, try harder, and do their best.

Now they disappear around the corner in search of a new challenge. They feel the whole world is theirs to investigate and explore.

Playing follow the leader they circle, getting braver stunt by stunt. Suddenly a voice cries out, "It's raining! Cool!" and they lift their faces to the water falling from the gray sky.

Soon, mothers call them in. Bikes are put away and the sound of plump water drops plopping on pavement replaces the laughter. In the stillness a small voice begins to sing, "Rain, Rain, Go Away" and then quiet reigns again.

Summer Day

Cool, for a summer day.

Wind pushes clouds quickly through the sky.

Butterflies flutter over sweet clover.

Trees, leafy arms dancing, offer shade from the mid-day sun.

Dogs lie at my feet.

Horses graze nearby.

Birds sing softly, calling to one another.

No noise but nature's sounds

No pressures for this moment.

No guilt felt at chores left undone, only pleasure as the beauty of the earth restores and refreshes.

I worship the Creator and my soul finds peace.

Driving Gives Me Joy

A car is freedom. It allows you to go wherever you want. A car is speed. It causes landscapes to flash by, sun & shadow blink and wind to rush in your face. A car is independence and control. You choose where you'll go, how to get there and when & where to stop along the way.

I always feel better when I go for a drive. Even driving to mundane chores or a doctor visit gives me a feeling of exuberance.

For example: 1985. Driving a candy apple red, 1976 F150 from the doctor's office at Tahlequah, OK north on Hwy. 10 to work at Flint Ridge Development Co. near Kansas, OK. I turned up the radio and sang along. I let the wind blow through open windows on a perfect spring day. A few clouds floated overhead, but signs of the season were everywhere. Almost no other traffic followed the winding road and I sped along in my own world. On arrival, I parked, hopped out and fairly danced into the office. Face up to the sun, slowly spinning, my arms spread wide, I embraced the day. I could hardly contain myself. Anyone watching would think me crazy; the goofy smile on my face a clue they might be right.

Another example: 1993. Driving home from Springfield, MO to Mountain Home, AR south through Branson to Harrison, then east to the house. I had the T-tops off the black 1979 Pontiac TA. I was alone, the radio tuned to my favorite station and blasting loud enough to hear over the engine rumble and roaring wind. Strangers waved. Happy to be alive, I smiled and waved back. Warm summer sun bathed the interior in its golden glow. I didn't care if I ever got home.

It's a glorious feeling to hug the curves then race down the straight stretches. The power transmits from the motor through the steering wheel, up my arms and into my very core.

These days, speed is not so speedy and curves are taken slower, but the feel of the wheel as I tighten my grip and push the pedal to accelerate still gives me that same deep in my soul joy.

The Cowboy

He squints at the sun and pulls his cap a little lower to shade his eyes. He picks up the halter and starts toward the horse pasture. Long strides make a short trip across the grass, then boots crunch on gravel. Each step creates a small metallic rattle from his spurs.

At the gate, he whistles and the mares trot toward him. His eyes study each of them for any marks or lameness. They look well. He runs knowing hands over backs and down legs.

Walking up to the buckskin mare, he talks softly and wraps the lead rope around her neck and fastens the halter. Dakota is new to the farm and is not sure she trusts this human yet. She shies away, but stops at the insistent tug of the lead.

Dad told him the old timers say all buckskins are "muley" and so far this one has lived up to the saying. The cowboy stays on his toes, always watching, as he ties her at the rail and begins to saddle up. He steps up in the stirrup, swings his leg over and settles in.

As he begins to circle the round pen in warm up, the mare kicks at nothing. He gathers the reins a little more and watches her ears. They speed up into a slow trot. She doesn't like it and tries to buck. The cowboy holds her head and brings her once again under control. Soon the mare relaxes and he begins to meld into her. They become one as he starts down the driveway into the afternoon sun.

At the house, we wait. After what seems hours, we hear the dogs bark a welcome and look out to see horse and rider come slowly up the hill.

Once again he ties her. This time the saddle comes off. He brushes her and the sweet horse smell mingles with worn leather in the air.

He leads her back to the other mares and lets her go. One last pat on the rump as she passes him and he turns to go satisfied she learned a lesson. He enjoyed the teaching.

We smile and nod and talk softly. He reluctantly leaves the horses and dogs for the confines of the house. Tomorrow is another day and the horses will be waiting.

Vacation 2008

I'm back from Vacation. Nothing exotic, just a few days with my granddaughters at my sister's. We spent the week laughing, talking and swimming. It was a great visit with family.

One evening we visited my aunt who lived across the field from us when we were kids and was always available when Mom had to work. She's the same as always, only a little older. Visiting with her I remembered growing up and how good she was to us. Here's one of my favorite memories.

Remembering Brannan's Bluff

Before I could drive myself, Aunt Eva Lea would take us to the "big creek" at Brannan's Bluff on Baron Fork Creek near Proctor, OK. After chores were done, my cousins (Glenda and Rhonda) and my sisters (Gail and Sandra) and I jumped into the back of Uncle Jewel's red Chevy pick-up truck. We climbed up two or three rungs on the wooden stock rack and rode there as we headed to the water. The hot summer wind rushed through our hair as we sped down the road and we waved to all we met, happy to be on our way.

After we turned off the highway onto the dusty lane, we climbed down and crowded around the narrow gate. Almost before the wheels stopped, we hopped out and raced bare-foot across the rocks to see who would be first in the water. We dropped towels on the way and shouted to those behind to hurry. Once to the shore, we dived straight into the clear, cold water, swam across to the bluff and climbed the gray flint wall to the natural cut ledges. The bluff had varying heights so you could choose where to stop, depending on how brave you felt at the time. On the lower levels, sometimes still knee deep in the water, we practiced diving. Other times we climbed as high as we could and jumped off. Sandra was too little and didn't swim well enough to make it to the bluff, so she stayed close to shore with friends -- new or old -- that she found.

I stood on the narrow ledge and looked down at the scene below. Groups of swimmers laughed and splashed each other. Some floated on inner tubes and rafts. On the gravel bar to one side, teenage girls sun bathed and shared secrets. Rock and roll from transistor radios echoed off the rock wall. The smell of Coppertone drifted in the still summer air. Birds swooped and darted in the cloudless blue sky. A towel over her head to protect her from the sun, Aunt Eva Lea sat in her folding chair at the edge of the water in what little shade she found. The water sparkled and reflected the sun, except in the shadow of the bluff. In the deep water, fish swam lazily or hid under a ledge. It was a glorious place to be when I was a young teen. I was at that just right age before worrying about looks, boys and popularity yet after being an over protected kid.

Rhonda jumped. Then I did. Or we all four played follow the leader or other games we made up as we went along. We climbed and jumped and swam until, breathless and shivering, we found a sunny spot to rest and get warm. Rhonda, with blue tinged lips and fingers, sat on the ledge just long enough to stop shaking. Denying she was cold, she jumped in again and we were all off once more.

After about two hours, it was time to go. We heard Aunt Eva Lea call us but delayed as long as possible. We swam to the shallow side and begged for just one more jump. She must have been about to melt from the heat but was kind and usually gave us a few more minutes. Eventually, we all came dragging out, wrapped our towels around us then climbed in the back of the truck for the ride home. Often, since we were starving -- or thought we were-- we stopped at the Proctor Store for an ice cold Coke and a candy bar. As soon as we got home, we ran down to our little creek and played until supper. We fell into bed exhausted and slept the dreamless sleep of the young.

Those were the days!

Words

I saw words. I saw how our words are powerful. They express our thoughts and emotions and affect those around us. Words reveal who we are and must be chosen wisely because words have a lasting effect.

I saw words spoken in anger and frustration change the atmosphere of a room and build a wall between two people.

I saw words of encouragement bring hope.

I saw words of love bring joy.

I saw words of repentance bring forgiveness.

I saw words of praise and adoration bring peace.

It's the Week-End

It's the Week-End! Yeah!My husband, who drives a truck, is home after being gone 18 days. He usually comes home more often than that, but sometimes stuff happens. Both of our sons were off work so we spent today with them and their girlfriends. We ran errands together, had TCBY, played video games and we tried to stay dry when the sky opened up and poured rain. Mostly we simply enjoyed spending time together before everyone starts back to work.

I was reminded today of our summer before we bought our farm. We spent 6 weeks camping while we waited for the sale to close. It was an unusal and very interesting summer. This is from that time.

CAMP AT THE FARM, Summer 2002

The days are long, hot and dry. The nights are cool and starry. As the sun sets behind the rolling hills, lightening bugs dance in the dusk. A full moon, so huge it seems close enough to touch, rises steadily. It lights up the night like a spotlight.

A mist so thick you can almost cut it forms over the creek and fills the hollow. From our vantage point on the hill, the fog hides all but the tree tops so they appear to float on a silver lake.

Today was a good day. I can't wait to see what tomorrow brings.

What Will I See

Rain falls again today. No angry storms, only gentle drops to refresh the earth. Tomorrow the sun will shine again.

Flowers drink thirstily. Their leaves shine through the washing drops. Birds and insects retreat until the shower abates and then rush to find food for themselvess and their young.

Clouds hang low in the sky. Shades of gray, they block the sun for now. Heavy with life-giving moisture, they drip to the earth. God's design shows in the beauty of the shifting light.

Water rolls down the roof of my house into gutters and onto the soaked ground. From there, it flows down the hill to the creek and joins countless drops on a journey to the sea.

I cannot follow those drops. They are a world to themselves. My world of family and obligations tethers me to this spot. What wonders would I see if I flowed with the water?

What wonders will I see from my vantage place here? Will I seee Jesus? Will I recognize His hand at work? Will I hear His voice directing my path?

What do you see?

The View from My Window

My bedroom window is small. It allows only a postcard picture of the world outside. But, oh, what a world!

From my window I see God's handiwork. The brilliant blue of a spring sky. Snow white clouds gently floating. Tall oak trees with leaves fluttering in the wind. Barn swallows climbing high, suddenly going into a dive, pulling up again just before hitting the ground then swooping up and off to their nest with a tasty tidbit.

From my window I see my Mom Lois' house. Her door is always locked, but her heart is always open. The soft light from her window is a welcome sight in the night.

From my window I see my husband's workshop. I can see him moving around looking for tools or putting things away before coming to our house. I hear him singing to himself as he works.

From my window I see my sons as they crest the hill to come to our house. They usually stop at the shop first to see what Dad is doing. Such tall, good-looking sons. Hard working, caring and compassionate, they're just like their father. They bring joy to my heart, a lump of pride to my throat and a smile to my lips.

From my window I see my granddaughters chasing butterflies. Their brown eyes flash as they run in the sun then collapse in laughter. They're growing up so quickly that I hardly believe my eyes. It seems only yesterday they were babies, all soft and cuddly. Today, they are busy children giving quick hugs and kisses on the run as they explore the world around them.

From my window at night I see the countless stars as they twinkle. It seems as though they are talking to each other.

From my window I see my blessings. I am reminded of God's goodness and love. It doesn't take a big window to see how big God is. His never-ending mercy and grace abound in the everyday view from my window.