A Chance I Didn't Take

I had the chance, the opportunity, to go to college. Not once, but twice. Right out of high school I enrolled at the college closest to my home town. I could live at home and commute as did many others in our area. Then I decided to get married and since we planned to move to Colorado to begin our life together, I withdrew my enrollment application. We didn't stay in Colorado long, so I didn't go while we were there. I thought about starting classes many times after that, but the timing never seemed quite right. I had children; I was needed at home; many things seemed to call me away from school.


When our younger son finished high school, we moved from Arkansas back to Oklahoma and I again felt it might be time to enroll. My husband agreed I should explore the possibility. I started the application process and learned how to apply for grants, loans & other money. Then, we received a job offer to work together on a 12 house broiler farm. This was a good opportunity: a nice salary for both of us with a house & bills furnished. We agreed we should take the job. I cancelled on school again.


We worked hard on the farm, and the next one, and the next one. Now my dear husband is driving a truck again and trying to build a trucking company. I am home doing the paperwork needed to run the business. I deeply regret that I never followed through; never actually went to any classes. My life -- our life -- would have been completely different if I had taken a chance on myself but in those days it was difficult for a woman to be married and have a career. Now I wish I had tried.


I regret most that I didn't seek God's counsel and wisdom in my decisions. I didn't pray about getting married. I didn't enquire of the Lord about what would be His best for me. I hope that over the years I have learned to seek God first, but I'm not sure that I have. I still tend to go with my intuition and personal desires in any decision that I need to make. I pray the Holy Spirit is leading me as I make choices. I hope I am willing to take the chances He provides.