My View from My Window

Life

2011-08-03T13:02:00.001-05:00

I saw this posted on Facebook today and felt the need to share:

“This is your life. Do what you love, and do it often. If you don’t like something, change it. If you don’t like your job, quit. If you don’t have enough time, stop watching TV. If you are looking for the love of your life, stop; they will be waiting for you when you start doing things you love. Stop over analyzing, life is simple. All emotions are beautiful. When you eat, appreciate every last bite. Open your mind, arms, and heart to new things and people, we are united in our differences. Ask the next person you see what their passion is, and share your inspiring dream with them. Travel often; getting lost will help you find yourself. Some opportunities only come once; seize them. Life is about the people you meet and the things you create with them, so go out and start creating. Live your dream, and wear your passion. Life is short.”

Are you living your dream? Are you living your passion? Are you doing what you have been called to do?

Sunday Thoughts about Time

2011-03-06T21:35:00.000-06:00

     I thought of staying home from church today. I'm glad I decided to go.
     I thought of staying home from church today. Then I thought, "Since I don't feel like going to church, I'll go as an act of sacrifice to Him." Not my will, but His. I go to church to worship and fellowship. It is not just a ritual; not just going through the motions, but a living offering. A time to meet God and see what He might speak to me as I praise and worship Him; as I focus only on Him.
   I sat lost in the maze of my mind. I learned a few things I didn't know. I heard Him whisper my name and call me to come closer to Him. I asked His forgiveness for neglecting my time with Him. I resolved to spend more time in His word, more time with Him.
    I make time for the things I want to do; as do we all. I want to know Him. I want to praise Him. I want to hold tight to His hand. So, I must take the time to do these things. I must take time away from reading, time from the computer, time from television, perhaps even time from work. These things are a meager sacrifice for all He has done for me.
     To know Him is to also know His people by spending time with them. Time spent enjoying them. Time listening to them and praying with them. Time spent in serving each other and the world.
   Time.

Snowfall

2011-02-09T11:38:00.000-06:00

Snow falls again this morning. I'm not sure how I feel about that.

The beauty is amazing: White clouds mound up along tree limbs and surround the base of the trunks, the extreme quiet of the day, joyous children, creativity expressed in snowmen and other snow sculptures.

These bring wonder to me and praise to my Awesome God, my Creator and Sustainer.

Snow also brings inconvenience to our way of life: We are disturbed by snow routes, donning layers of clothes, more chores, extra care when walking and driving, and being housebound because of icy roads.

The animals in our woods are hunkered down. No sign of the rabbits, squirrels or deer who share our small plot of God's earth. The birds, too, are mostly absent. Only a few venture out in search of food.

I give thanks often during the day. I am thankful for my warm home and coffee and hot chocolate. I am thankful, also, for my family that gathers here and for the ones too far away to join us.

Even in the dull, gray, diminished light I find hope. Spring is only weeks away -- Not months!

When the snow melts and the mud dries (and from this much snow, there will be LOTS of mud) flowers will bloom, grass will grow, animals and birds will have their young.

Winter is survival time, but it is also the resting time. Nature is storing the energy Spring will need to be reborn, to produce the new life, to burst forth in all its glory.

Like so many, I count the days until sun and warmth and color. But for today, I will make the effort to enjoy the Winter.

January Journal

2011-02-01T12:04:00.001-06:00

Winter tries my spirit.

"Cold, dreary, gray days fill my soul with sadness. I long for Summer with sun and warmth. How will I survive? I'm not sure that I can!" I wrote this in my journal a few days ago.

Another day I said, "I'm just crazy. Stuck in a rut of sameness. Dreams are dying. Joy is fading. Is this my life?"

Since then it snowed again. Frigid temperatures kept me housebound and cabin fever raged within me.

How long until the bright skies of summer return? How many hours must I struggle until the days lengthen and joy returns?

My gratitude list fails me. I am bereft. I drag myself through the day.

But wait! The sun pushes through the clouds! A bird flits across the yard. Squirrels dash up the oak trees. My grandson laughs. Life is bearable again.

Each day I am amazed by God's Grace to me. When feel I can no longer stand, when the darkness of the abyss pulls at me, when hope grows faint then He pours His grace on me and I rise up thankful again for a cup so full.

It's His Birthday Today

2011-01-24T12:04:00.001-06:00

I feel nostalgic today. Today is my son's birthday.

I look through the window of the past days and see him as a baby: happy and laughing. I see him as a toddler: blond hair, brown eyes and laughing. I see him as a boy: learning manners, playing T-Ball, growing and laughing. I see him as a teen: deep in school books, playing sports, on the phone with friends and laughing.

Today, I see him as a man. I see him with family. I see working to improve his health. I see him with his nephew. I see him striving to be a good husband and father. I see him laughing.

I feel proud of the man he has become. He is full of love, kindness and compassion. He is all I ever hoped he would become and so much more.

Three Days in D.C.

2010-12-05T10:15:00.004-06:00

This Fall brought me new adventures. . . a three day trip to Washington, D.C. with my sister to visit my niece. I haven't flown since 1989 so this was a very new experience. I've never traveled with my sister. I rode the Metro, took my first taxi since 1994 and rode in a car rented by the hour.

We flew from Tulsa to Dallas and then on to D.C. (a non-eventful trip!) Picked up at the airport by a friend, we arrived at my niece's apartment just before she got home from work.

The next three days were spent laughing, eating, walking and talking. I saw my niece as a grown up and not just as the little girl who used to stay up late watching movies. I acted like a tourist with my niece as my guide to monuments, memorials, the National Cathedral, Arlington Cemetery and more. I wanted to see everything and took pictures everywhere I went, at times taking pictures for others or asking them to take one of all of us.

We ate burgers and fries at Good Stuff Eatery, (I had a Toasted Marshmallow Milkshake), chili dogs and a half-smoke at Ben's Chili Bowl, home cooked fried chicken with mashed potatoes and gravy, and home-made meat loaf (cooking lessons that ended well), a lunch at the Old Post Office food court, and one night we finished the day with dessert at Kramer Books and After Words Café (I had the Dysfunctional Family Brownie. If you knew my family, you'd know how funny that really is.)

Our trip home (D.C. to Dallas) was a little bumpy as we diverted south to skirt around storms. The clouds looked awesome from above! We landed late in Dallas, but so did everyone else. Delayed an hour, we arrived in Tulsa just fine.

I spent the night at my sister's house. The next morning I woke early, ready for the drive home and I arrived at my house before noon.

The days flew by. I wasn't quite ready to leave the big city excitement for my rural lifestyle so it took me a few days to get back into the things that are my routine, but I finally settled in and got down to business.

I look at the pictures (nearly 200 of them!) and remember the great time I had. I give thanks to my family for their understanding, taking up the slack and making do while I was gone. And most of all, I thank God for the privilege of traveling to our nation's capital. Everyone who can, should go see what our forefather's created for us. Everyone should see the war memorials and the thousands of white headstones at Arlington that stand as reminders of the men who gave their lives.

The names on the Wall brought tears to my eyes at the sacrifice of so many in Viet Nam. A lump formed in my throat as I watched the precision of the Changing of the Guard at the Tomb of the Unknown. So many lives given; so much sacrifice.

Yes, it was good to go and see. It was good to spend time with my wonderful sister. It was good to know my niece as an adult. All in all, a great three days in D.C.

Thanksgiving, 2010

2010-11-28T21:19:00.000-06:00

This Thanksgiving, we spent the holiday at home; alone.

Both of our sons and their families went to their in-laws for the day. We missed them, of course, but realize that we must share them. Others love them, too.

Friday was almost a normal day. Both sons had to work, so we (my husband and I) were on our own again. That is until supper time. Our younger son and his wife share our house with us so they were home at the usual time. Then our older son and his wife arrived and the "party" began. We laughed and talked and caught up on all the news. We played cards until late. We went to bed happy to have them under our roof for a time.

Saturday started early. Coffee on and showers taken, the cooking began. The men went to pick up our grand-daughters from their mother's house while we started dinner. The turkey in the oven and details delegated, I felt I could take a few minutes to rest. So, I fed the baby a bottle and cuddled with him.

I watched the road for the first glimpse of the car. "Where are my men folk? Dinner is ready and they are not here yet. I need to see my girls!" My girls are teens now and no longer little girls. I enjoy talking with them and learning all about what is going on in their lives.

Finally, they came up the drive. I put the rolls in the oven and greeted them with hugs and kisses.

Dinner was ready. I called the family to the table and we gave thanks for the many blessings in our lives. I fought to keep tears in check.

There around the table, I remembered why I am alive: I am here for this family. I love them. I serve them. I share my faith with them. God has a plan for my life; even when I'm not clear on what that plan is, I trust Him and follow Him.

It has not been that long since I had to remind myself daily that I am necessary and needed. I kept a Gratitude List in my journal so I would never forget. The Father has shown me that these people, these eight souls, depend on me for my unique outlook and contribution to their lives. Who would take my place with them if I were not here?


My Family~~The Guthrie Gang

The Holy Spirit whispered to me that no one else can minister to them in the same way that I do. No one else can show Jesus to them like I do. They will become who God desires them to be and I am a part of that.

These days, I look forward to seeing what He is doing in each life. I look to see how my sons are growing and maturing in their faith. I watch my grand-daughters for signs of God's touch on their lives. I look at my daughters-in-law and am delighted with their love for my sons and how God is using them. I look at our grand-son (6 months old!) and hope and pray for his life. My husband shines God's love on me, and on our family.

I am greatly blessed. I am deeply grateful. God has brought me through the dark valley into the light of His love.

The day passed. We ate and laughed, played dominoes, watched some football, (the girls) drove the tractor, told stories and loved on each other. Then it was time for them to go. I watched them load their things and start down the drive.

I miss them already.

The Cross

2010-10-30T06:15:00.003-05:00

Rugged wood
Full of splinters made by nails driven into His flesh
Blood soaked from His wounds
The odors of dried blood and human misery
Darkness overcomes the day
The veil is torn
Forsaken; alone

Separated from the Father by the weight of my sin
Glad obedience to the will of the Father
Deserted by friends and followers; only a few there with His mother
Gasping for air
Giving pardon and hope
Offering Himself in my place
“It is finished!”

Taken from the cross
Wrapped in cloth
Laid in a borrowed grave
Sorrow and fear among the disciples
The women arise early and go
An empty tomb!
Where is He?

Run and tell
Looking in wonder
Waiting. . . Waiting
Suddenly He is with them again
More teaching, more miracles
Glorified body
He goes to the Father

News spreads
Followers gather
Miracles happen
Persecution and death to His followers
The Church is born
A new covenant created
Time passes

The gospel covers the world
Non-believers scoff
The eastern sky splits and He returns
He gathers those who believe and follow
He destroys evil
His bride dwells with Him in peace
Everlasting worship in His presence

I look at the cross, see Jesus there
And repent
Forgiven, I see the hope of glory
Tears of gratitude stream
I see the cross, empty, and know I am His
Whatever He asks, I will do
Now and forever

Success

2010-10-24T19:45:00.001-05:00

At my 13 year old grand-daughter's church, the youth leader recently asked the group, "Who is the most successful person you know?'

Her answer, "My grandma."

The next question was, "Why?"

She said, "Because she knows about everything."

When my son called to tell me this story, I had quite a reaction. I felt pleased that she thought so well of me and disbelief that she chose me. I wondered if she knew very many people from which to choose. I denied I was successful.

Then, I thought about it for a little while and began to define success. I usually think, as most usually do, of success in terms of money or things. But success is really much more than that.

I think I have decided that success really means, at least for me, to believe in Jesus Christ as my Savior, listen and obey Him, and share Him with others. In doing these three things, joy and blessing follow. If I am filled with the joy of the Lord and others see that in me and want to know Him because of it, that is success.

I know that all knowledge and wisdom come from God so if I learn from my mistakes, gain wisdom and then share what I've learned with those around me and they learn also, that is success.

I will count my life successful when I hear my Lord say, "Well done, good and faithful servant."

Until then, I bask in the glow: a grandmother proud of her grand-daughter's praise. She is a delight to my heart and a joy to our family.

Seriously Tempted

2010-10-17T19:28:00.004-05:00

I recently read an excerpt from the poem Seriously Tempted by T.L.Cooper. (http://writewithtlc.tlcooper.com)

Christina Katz, The Prosperous Writer, (http://christinakatz.com) defined caring as being “concerned or solicitous towards, to make provisions for or to look out for, and to have an affection or concern for.”

Would I describe myself as caring? Or am I habitually care-taking?

She defined habitual care-taking as “an addiction to niceness, people-pleasing and an overwhelming desire to control the impressions of others in order to be perceived as good.”

I too often find myself trying too hard to please others and have them think me a good person.

In the last few years, though, I have come to know myself better. I see the person God created and. . . I like me!

I don’t care so much what others think of me. I no longer want to be a people pleaser. I want, instead, to be a God pleaser.

When I first read this poem, I thought how much I am like that: easily becoming what someone else expects me to be.

Reading it again, I begin to pray:
    Holy God,
    Let me be
        “your heart’s desire
        What you want of me”*

    And I want to be
        “merely a shell of me
        An empty vessel filled by you.”*

*from the poem Seriously Tempted T.L.Cooper (http://writewithtlc.tlcooper.com)

Memories

2010-10-10T19:27:00.000-05:00

Memories of my life and my family are important to me.

They are all I have,
All that is just mine.
No one can take them from me.

Memories of my mom,
And of my dad,
Of the life we lived,
Bring me a certain comfort.

Memories of my childhood
And my growing up years:
My older brother drawing a playhouse for me in the dirt,
Later driving me to movies or home from football games.

Memories of my dear sister
And me playing in the creek
And on the bus or riding horses with cousins;
The days of sharing a room, clothes and secrets.

Memories of young love
And early married years filled with babies.
Then watching boys grow
Into young men with families of their own.

Memories bring me joy.
Even the hard times are good to remember
If I can look at them, learn their lessons
And become better.

A better listener
A better doer
A better partner
A better parent

A better follower of Christ.

I always want to be better
But seldom am.
I fail miserably at learning the lessons.
I can only be who and how I am.

It is only as I truly empty myself
And let the Holy Spirit live through me
That I ever become a
Better version of myself.

Memories of who I was
Replaced by reminders
Of who I am. . .
A Child of the King.

The Book of My Life

2010-09-26T06:42:00.002-05:00

"At times, all of us may wonder exactly how God wants to use us. If we just offer ourselves to Him, God will take what feels like random letters and spell beautiful words through each of us. Just by being yourself, you reflect God's beautiful design." ~~ Margaret Feinberg in Being Yourself.

My prayer asking God to use me to "spell" something beautiful with my life:

Holy God,
When you write the book of my life, may the words come from the letters of my heart.
May your Spirit fill me moment by moment so I share your goodness, grace and love.
May the gifts you've given me be used to serve and encourage those around me.
May I live a life of obedience.
May I be real and authentic; my true self.
May I worship you in all I do and praise you for who you are.
May it be that I am a follower of Christ.

Time for a New Beginning

2010-09-18T19:36:00.000-05:00

Dearest Friends,

It's been a long, hot summer but Fall is just around the corner. School is back in session and it feels like a New Beginning.

I've spent the summer visiting family in Oklahoma and Arkansas, loving on my new grandson, and trying to keep up with my life. Now, I'm ready to begin writing again.

I missed these times with you. I doubted I had anything of worth to share. I felt myself sinking back into depression and alone-ness. God showed me I need to write here. He has given me a gift and I must use it.

It doesn't matter what I think or feel about this gift. It only matters that I obey Him and share my thoughts and prayers. I must share my God through my words.

I don't know where He will lead me in this. I only know that I will follow.

Get ready. The fog slowly lifts and I see the View From My Window again.

He Makes Me Laugh

2010-06-20T17:43:00.001-05:00

Who makes you laugh? For me, this is most often my husband. We've been married almost 40 years and nearly every time I get upset or we start to argue, he comes up with something to make me laugh. (It's tough to argue when your are laughing!) Also, when I feel bad about anything or am just in a blue mood, he says or does something to make me smile so I'll feel better. He is a clown at heart and always has a movie line, song lyric or Bible quote to fit any occasion.

Some of his jokes may seem old or corny to our kids and their families, but to me they just showcase who he is and how he has always been. Sometimes I don't catch the joke; it just goes right over my head. That makes him sad. He says it's no good to tell something funny if I don't get it or he has to explain. He feels that takes the fun away. So I try to listen carefully so I can laugh with him. That's easy to do because I love him and he's wonderfully good to me.

He can't stand to see me sad or down. If I cry, he's done for. It's a good thing I don't cry on purpose to manipulate him. He'd give me the the world and the moon if he could because he is kind and generous to a fault. But, if he gets angry, his brown eyes flash with fire and the air around him snaps & pops. Lightning flashes seem almost visible. He seldom gets angry with me, but injustices in the world ignite his fire within.

I can't believe I'm the lucky girl who caught him. He's the greatest! Not only is he cute and funny, but he is kind and generous and full of love for me and our sons. I'm grateful he married me all those years ago. I'm glad he still makes me laugh.

A New Daddy in Our Family

2010-06-13T18:24:00.004-05:00

On May 27th we welcomed the newest member to our Guthrie Gang and in so doing we acquired a new Daddy. Our younger son is the proud papa of Levi Jackson, 7 lbs. 1 oz. 20 inches long.

Our son has always been good with children and, as Uncle Steve, he is loved by his nieces and the children of his friends.
The new Momma is also doing well -- except for the typical new parent lack of sleep. She's up every two hours to feed and care for the Little Man. Daddy helps as much as he can and all the family is ready to lend a hand.

As I stood at the nursery window, I thanked God for the baby's safe arrival, his health and perfection. I asked for continued blessing on this new life; guidance for the new parents; wisdom for the grandparents.
Grandpa is proud of the new baby, too.

Uncle Jason, Aunt Heather, and Cousins Courtney & Sydney fell in love at first sight.

I am thankful, so very thankful, for those who already love our new arrival. I feel confident this small one will grow up knowing he is wanted, loved and valued as a member of our family. He is and always will be a blessing to us.

A Memory -- Canal Swimming

2010-06-06T11:04:00.003-05:00

We lived in California from my 1st to the 5th grades. While we lived there, Dad mostly worked on a dairy farm and we had a lot of afternoons free. The summer days usually found us somewhere in or around the water.

We often swam in the irrigation canals. Ditches lined with concrete, the water ran clear and clean. Spaced throughout the irrigation route were gates to direct the water's flow. On the afternoon that I clearly remember, my mom, dad, brother and younger sister were playing in the water. Dad did all those water games with us: races, wrestling, dunking and splashing. After awhile, my brother -- he's 3 years older than me -- and I swam down to the water gate. This gate allowed the water to rush through to the next level and onward to the fields. Some other kids were playing there and we joined in their game of riding through the open gate in the rushing water.

We laughed and played and had a great time. Until -- one time I started through the gate and lost my breath and my bearings. I thought up was down and down was up. I floundered around coughing and spluttering and struggling to find my way to the surface or the side. Suddenly, my dad reached down and picked me up. Safe in his strong arms, I coughed a little more but soon settled down and let him carry me out. The water was too swift and rough for a little girl, but my dad could traverse the current with ease. Even when I wasn't aware of his presence, he watched over me and was immediately ready to come to my rescue.

As a child, I accepted this rescue as right and proper and my due as a daughter. Why then do I resist my Father when He reaches to rescue me from swift, turbulent waters today? Why do I feel I must do it on my own even when I am on the verge of drowning in the troubles of my life?

When I look back at the years of my childhood (all the moving, the changes, the making of new friends), I see the heavenly Father's hand preparing me for the unknowns of life. He gave me a family of love and laughter. Our home was always full of people, a house of hospitality. He introduced me to friends that were willing to reach out to the "new kid" in class, and showed me that in the midst of change, He is the one and only constant.

The Chapel at Bella Vista

2010-05-30T06:49:00.000-05:00

Driving south from Missouri on US Hwy. 71, I took Exit 98 at Bella Vista, AR. I traveled a mere two blocks east into a different world. Gone was the hustle and hurry of cars and trucks intent on getting to their destination. Instead, I found the quiet and solitude of the Ozarks woods.

I pulled into the parking lot and gathered keys and camera then started toward the sign pointing to the Chapel. As I left my vehicle, the smells of exhaust and asphalt fought for dominance against the spring woods and earth. A few steps onto the path and the woods won. The odor of damp earth naturally mulched by fallen oak leaves filled the air.

The path diverged. One way led to the Office and on through the woods to the small lake. The other way led to the Chapel. That day, I followed the way to the chapel. Blooming redbud and dogwood trees splashed their vivid fuchsia and white among the green tinged grays of the oak trees. A few pines sent their heady aroma wafting toward me. The first unfurling leaves of spring struggled to open. Then coming over a small rise I spied the Chapel.

Designed by architect E. Fay Jones, a student of Frank Lloyd Wright and schooled in the principles of Organic Architecture (designing to fit the environment), the Mildred B. Cooper Memorial Chapel was built to honor the wife of John A. Cooper, Sr. Mrs. Cooper's deep spirituality and love of nature prompted her family to commission the Chapel to honor and celebrate her life and her dedication to God and his creation. The chapel, designed and created by the mind of a man, fits perfectly into the natural scene which surrounds it.

The Chapel is open to visitors daily and available for weddings and other special occasions, but there is no need to wait for an event. Whenever you are weary of the busy world, walk a few yards and connect with the quiet, natural beauty of God's world. The walls of windows give an air of openness to the surrounding Ozarks and heights of the steel arches give lofty access to the Creator.
I walked through the massive arched door. Soft music greeted me and I felt as though I were still outside. Church pews created an aisle up the the flagstone floor to the stage. Piano and organ flanked the glass arch on the far wall. I settled in and allowed my mind to wander. I contemplated the beauty of Spring, the greatness of the universe and the smallness of the earth. I meditated on God's love of Man and me in particular.

After a time, I moved to the stage to look through the arched glass. As far as I could see, the Ozarks forest engulfed me. I could neither see nor hear the cars and trucks on the highway. I saw birds and squirrels and busy with life in the wild. I watched trees sway in the wind. I searched for wildflowers among the barrenness of leftover winter. I felt at peace.

Too soon, time called me back to my journey. I, too, had places to go, people to see and things to accomplish. However, I carried the serenity of the Chapel with me. Often, as I travel south into Arkansas, I remember my time there and the serenity returns.

Whether you are looking for a unique place to hold a wedding or other occasion or merely need a place for meditation, contemplation and prayer, the Mildred B. Cooper Memorial Chapel at Bella Vista, AR, a tribute to a man's God given genius and inspired by a family's love, is a quiet oasis in a noisy world.

The Wedding at the Lake

2010-05-22T12:56:00.001-05:00

Jason & Heather got married.

They are a casual, laid back couple and The Wedding reflected their personalities.

The plan called for a simple ceremony outside at Bull Shoals State Park. It rained all week; it rained all morning. By the middle of the afternoon, rain ceased falling; clouds still floated overhead and the day was cool and damp, but we gathered at the pavilion and started the grills.

Family and guests waited and soon the bride arrived.
Vows said, rings exchanged and pictures taken meant it was time to eat and mingle.
Later the cake was cut and served.

More pictures. Much shared laughter.

A new family was formed. We love Heather and welcome her into our Guthrie Gang.

A Wedding!!

2010-05-15T17:00:00.001-05:00

Jason and Heather are getting married today!! I am in reality in Lakeview, AR celebrating the day with them. I am not in my office writing this.

I'm sure I will have much to say about this day. I plan to post some pictures and write a glowing report of all that happened. But, for now, I just say -- I'm glad that we're having a wedding today!!

This Do In Remembrance of Me

2010-05-09T17:24:00.002-05:00

Gathered in an upper room, my Messiah and His closest friends came together at the time of Passover in Israel. Betrayal close at hand -- who would it be? Who would guide the soldiers to take him?

The Ceder Meal over, questions and answers given, He said, "Eat. This is my body broken for you. Drink. This is my blood poured out for you. This do in remembrance of me."

From that room filled with people to the quiet of the garden. He went to meet the
Father. He sought comfort and strength. He prayed, "If it is possible, let this pass from me. Nevertheless, not my will but Yours."

A heavy heart for sinful people, He persevered, he travailed as He surrendered. Blood drops hinted of what lay ahead -- His sacrifice for me.

Judas, a kiss, soldiers took Him away. Trials, false witnesses, beatings, mockery, a crown of thorns, nailed to a cross, ridicule, separated from the Father, darkness, earthquake, the Veil that hides the Mercy Seat & His Presence torn from top to bottom. He cried out, "It is finished!" and gave His life a sacrifice for my sin.

Joseph & Nicodemus took His broken body, wrapped it tenderly and laid it in the tomb. More soldiers came to seal and guard the grave.

Early morning: Mary and the other women came. "Where is He? Where have you taken Him?" Disbelief. The men came to see for themselves and went away wondering.

The same upper room, behind locked doors, Jesus appeared. He's alive! He moved among them 40 days. Then He came into His Glory. He ascended to heaven. Even now, He lives with His Father in Heaven. Waiting for the fullness of time, He intercedes on my behalf. Soon, maybe very soon, He will return to reign as King of Kings.

This day, I meet with His followers, other believers. We read His word, sing and pray. The table is laid. We serve on another in love. I take the bread and eat. I take the cup and drink.

This I do in remembrance of Him.

Why I Write

2010-05-02T10:52:00.000-05:00

I write to remember how God has brought me through trials in the past; recall blessings and find encouragement. also, t leave a legacy so my children and grandchildren will know what God has done for our family.

Writing in my journal helps me hear God. As I put my thoughts on paper, I can sort out what is from the Lord, and what is just me. It also gives me a place to look back to see patterns for change and to see where God is leading me next.

Our pastor has been encouraging us to be prepared to Tell My Story. Writing it down helps you give substance to your testimony, which is all your Story really is. The Bible itself is a written history of what God has done for His people. It gives us encouragement and hope for a future. where would we be without this written word?

So, remember a journal helps you recall past blessing, gives focus to your prayer, clarifies your praise, is encouragement for the tough times, and prepares you to Tell Your Story.

A Recent Trip

2010-04-28T09:57:00.003-05:00

We left that Friday morning about 2:30 a.m. and arrived at the W.W.Hastings Hospital in Tahlequah just before six. First stop: the Lab. Then to sign in at the OR. As we sat to wait for my turn, a nurse came to take me to my hospital room, admit me, and prep me for surgery. All of that took a little time, but before I knew it, the surgery nurse appeared with a rolling chair to whisk me to the OR Staging area.

I watched as out-patients were admitted and given instructions. I saw more nurses and the anesthesiologist and more nurses and a doctor or two come through. Each time my insides lurched at the thought it was my turn. Then I relaxed back into the chair as they once again passed me by. Finally, one stopped and asked if I felt I could walk to the actual operating room or did I need a ride? I felt confident and slid to my feet and clutched at my dignity. An open hospital gown flapping in the breeze requires a certain self-control to retain any semblance of modesty, let alone dignity.

I finally maneuvered onto the table and immediately began to tremble. The room was FREEZING! It had enough lights and people for a small city and each one knew their job. They poked and prodded and hooked me up to monitors and hoses. They asked me -- it seemed for the 10th time! -- my name and why I was there.

The mask descended and I heard a voice say, "Just breathe deeply." The next words I recognized kept repeating, "Are you awake?" I think I answered and eventually my eyes quit rolling all over their sockets and I began to focus. The nurses wasted no time on pleasantries, but helped me to another wheeled chair and rolled me back to my room. We passed my dear husband in the hall and he fell in behind us.

Our procession arrived back at my room and I was deposited in my new home. Tubes were adjusted, buttons pushed and covers pulled up. I smiled and tried to say thank you. Then I promptly fell asleep. Sleep, alas, is hard to maintain in a hospital. Every two hours, or perhaps more often, someone came in to poke me or in some way collect their required information.

Each nurse or aide introduced themselves and announced why they had come, collected their info, thanked me and left. Each one said I should try to rest. I smiled, too tired to laugh.

The next day, the doctor came by at last and said I could go home. I was ready!! Only wait -- the pharmacy needed to send my "meds" and I definitely wanted them to go home with me. Papers signed, clothes on and pain handling medications in hand, we finally rolled out the door and into the waiting car.

The drive home was uneventful; a blessing for sure. At home, I finally slept only to wake on that same two hour schedule.

Day by day, even hour by hour, I feel stronger, less exhausted, and less sore. I give thanks for all those who gave in service to me. They meant to be kind and only poked as needed. They offer themselves to the care of the sick and God uses each one to heal the ill and make healthy the infirm. I could never do what they do. Thank God they do what they do.

2010-03-22T11:08:00.006-05:00

Recently, I looked through some old journal jottings. One of my rediscovered thoughts:

Each day is to be used as a jeweler's polishing cloth to sand away the imperfections and let the true light of God's glory shine. A gem stone is only a rock until polished by the Master.

This made me start thinking. A rock doesn't struggle against the polishing cloth. A rock lets the Master turn it this way and that as he pleases until the rock is no longer a rock but has become a rare and beautiful gem.

My life would be much easier to bear if I would just rest in the Master's hand while He polishes away the imperfections. He has a vision of the gem I will become and it is up to me to trust Him while He completes the task of polishing me.

Renewed, Refreshed, Reborn

2010-03-07T14:33:00.004-06:00

This cold, dreary winter saw me driving -- a lot. Most of my trips were to Oklahoma or Arkansas to see family or doctors.

Yesterday, though, my husband and I drove only to the local hardware for truck repair supplies and ran a few other errands before starting home. As we came up the hill, much to my delight, I saw several green splotches among the yellowish, dry grasses. I gave a hearty WooHoo! at the sight. One more sign that Spring is coming to the Ozarks. I can hardly wait.

Each person I spoke to at church this morning echoed my sentiments of being tired of Winter and ready for warmer days. A relief to know that I am not the only one bogged down by the doldrums of the season. Winter always seems to drag on way too long while summer feels over in a heartbeat.

I rejoice in the new life and am reminded of the New Life I have in Christ.

Renewed, Refreshed, Reborn.

Hallelujah!!

Happy New Year!!

2010-01-03T21:13:00.002-06:00

Friends -- I've been out of touch for awhile. The holidays have kept me busy, as I am sure you have been too.

Christmas morning brought Jason and his family from Arkansas to join Steve & his wife here with us. Amid laughter, presents and eating, we took a few pictures. Check them out here.

I don't know why I felt surprise when 2010 arrived right on schedule. I remember when I was a child, 2010 seemed an impossiblity. Now the future is here. It came whether I was ready or not. Now, I must re-adjust my thinking to face the days ahead. I look forward to what this year may bring. Surprises, no doubt , and many days that will be much the same as before. In any case, God will always be God; gracious & kind, loving & merciful, faithful & forgiving.

Here's wishing all of us a very Happy New Year!!

Fall Retreat

2009-11-07T19:24:00.000-06:00

I count the days to the Women's Fall Retreat because I remember the ones gone by. This is one of the first things I shared outside my family circle. The ones who saw it encouraged me to write more. They still encourage me. They still push me to stretch my limits and I thank God for them.

Rustic lodge full of comfort.
Queen size beds.
Mounted animals: deer turkey and bear.
Good food presented in candlelit atmosphere.
Wonderful fellowship enjoyed.
Cottage with four beds; cozy. Everything you need to rest and meet God.
Fall colors.
Cool, clear days.
Deer in the mists of early morning (an answer to prayer).
Strangers come together and become friends.
Quiet contemplation.
Lives shared.
Self examination:
What is Love?
How do I feel loved?
How do I show love?
What is my purpose?
To love God, to fellowship with him and to share his great love with others.
Green valley.
Rolling hills ablaze with his glory.
Tears flow; tissues passed around.
God speaks to our hearts and reminds us:

The Greatest of these is Love!

Use Me

2009-10-31T14:42:00.002-05:00

A prayer:

Show me the power of the Holy Spirit;
alive, vital and real in my life, in my world,
in my experience. Today; every day.

Imbue me with your power.
Enable me to experience, to Know, your power,
to walk in your spirit, in your will.

Take my natural abilities, talents & gifts
and use them for your glory.
Use me.

Accomplish your will
in my life.
Use me for others.

I surrender myself to you again,
now in this moment.
Take my life.

Use me.
Use me for your glory.

Live through me.
Love through me.

Amen

All I Need

2009-10-24T14:31:00.002-05:00

A prayer of worship and surrender:

You are all I need.
I worship you alone.
I give you my heart and my soul.
You alone are God.

You hold my world in your hands.
You hold me every moment.
I believe you are more than enough.
Nothing is impossible for you.

I trust in you.
I believe these words with my mind and my will;
Bring them to my heart
So I completely trust in you.

I could forever tell of your love.
Allow me to see what you have for me.
Fill me to overflowing with your Spirit
So I glorify you with my life.

You look into my heart as
I come to worship.
You are my everything.
All I have is yours.

You are my everything.
I adore you.

Courtney's Birthday

2009-10-19T13:48:00.004-05:00

My granddaughter is 14 this month. Where has the time gone since she first arrived? So many changes in my life and, of course, in hers.

I recall vividly the day of her birth. We hurried to the hospital. Grandpa and Uncle Steve waited together with other family and friends. I worked the cam-corder in the labor/delivery room. I held my breath as she emerged and took her first one and then began to cry. So beautiful!

As her dad and I started down the hall to the waiting room, I gave him a hug and tears sprang to both our eyes. Stunned at the emotion overwhelming me at this new life, I wiped my eyes and smiled. When we announced her safe arrival to the full room -- it seemed everyone in town was there! -- joy flooded the entire entourage.

Yesterday, we delivered her and her sister from her mom to her dad. The whole family talked at once and the room filled with laughter. Our sweet girl, no longer a baby but a blossoming young woman, held court center stage as she told of happenings at school and with friends.

She's still a blessing. She's still beautiful, physically as well as so many more ways. I still fight to hold back tears and I pray I always model a godly woman to her.

Talking Leaves

2009-10-17T15:13:00.002-05:00

I stand in the wind and watch the trees. I look at limbs stretching 40 feet in the air toward blue sky. The upper branches bend and sway as the leaves lift a song of praise to the Creator.

Rain comes.

The soggy leaves droop and drip. Their shudder sends a cascade of droplets to the ground. They sing a muted song.

Sunshine again.

The leaves whisper in the breeze. They give thanks for sun and rain.

I stand and watch the trees. I hear the soft rustle of their song and I join my voice to theirs. The talking leaves and I offer praise, honor and glory to our Lord.

Today From My Window

2009-10-04T04:50:00.000-05:00

Today my view from my window included parking lots in town; lots of peple coming and going.

I watched moms and dads walk with children in tow. I saw laughing an talking and families enjoying the cool fall day. I watched cars parking or whizzing by on the way to somewhere else.

From town, we ( my dear husband and I) drove toward home. But, we took an unplanned detour and drove about 30 minutes north; he wanted to show me something he saw while coming home in his big truck the other day. I stared out the window at the changing scenery. Trees fading from green to yellow, orange and red; flat or rolling hills becoming steeper and the road curvier.

From my window I saw mama cows with their calves. I saw horses grazing on green grass. I saw birds flying. I saw fresh water flowing in the creeks we crossed.

We started toward home gain.

Today, from my window, I glimpsed God the Creator's handiwork in the changing seasons. I traveled the gray asphalt road and looked out in awe at how wonderfully He planned our world for us to live.

I really enjoyed my view from my window today.

Outside My Door

2009-09-27T19:09:00.002-05:00

In 2006, I went on the road with my husband. This is what I saw outside my door one September day:

Diesel motors thrum. Idling trucks remind me of a rumbling train. The September sun radiates off the pavement. Hungry drivers fuel first and then eat lunch on the run. Some walk their dogs, their full time companions, on the strip of green alongside the busy highway. Some wait, not so patiently, for dispatch to send the details for the next load. In the middle of the grassy strip I see a granite boulder and a few green shrubs surrounded by weathered mulch. I watch the clock tick the minutes away. Across the street, tree leaves flutter only slightly in the still Wyoming air.

Brothers

2009-09-20T18:36:00.003-05:00

Children in a family are, more often than not, different from each other. They may share physical attributes and many common qualities but still differ in looks, habits, style and personality.

My two sons for example: Jason, the older, has dark hair and eyes, is an analyzer and is always asking why. He enjoys sports and talking on the phone. He was a demanding, strong-willed child.
Steve, the younger, has blond hair and blue eyes. He loves animals, is artistic, is a cowboy and has always been quieter and more compliant.

They both have always had lots of friends and enjoyed the social aspect of school and work. Neither wants church to be just a social club, but a place to worship, learn and serve.

Jason married right out of high school. Steve waited 10 years to marry. Both take family responsibilities seriously and strive to be the leader in their relationships.

I love them both. Each is very much like their dad, very much like his brother and yet each one is entirely himself; a man of his own.

Sydney's Birthday

2009-09-12T19:47:00.003-05:00

Today we celebrate the birthday of my youngest grand-daughter. We ate pizza and Funfetti cake. We watched "Baby Mama" and laughed out loud as we watched. Mostly, we enjoyed the time together.

It's funny how we percieve time. It feels as though her parents just brought her home from the hospital. We oohed & aahed over her perfection. We watched her sleep and we smiled. We prayed over her and for ourselves. We thanked God for her and asked to be wise teachers to her.

As she matures, we still pray to be wise for her. We watch her grow and worry and applaud. Grand-children are a delight and a joy. And a huge responsibility.

I pray I am the grand-mother she deserves. I must be or God would not have brought us together.

On Reading

2009-09-07T17:55:00.004-05:00

I have loved reading as long as I can remember. Books have always been a part of my life. A good book brings escape from problems in my life. I can never be bored as long as I have access to books.

Opening a new book introduces me to new people and places. My imagination wraps around the words. I learn of possibilities. I see that families are intact and functional, daddies love their daughters, God cares for man, friends can last a lifetime, homes can be built, roots put down, jobs can have meaning and marriages are full of love and caring. Or a different set of words can show all the horrors of war and poverty and how truly awful humans can become.

Books present knowledge: science, history, instruction. How can one not love to read? When I'm in a hurry magazines are a quick read, filling moments of waiting or providing useful information. A devotional book can open my eyes to a different aspect of God's truth and give me hope.

I love the feel of books. I love the weight of them in my hand, the smooth covers and the crisp pages. I love the sight of print on paper. The soft white pages and black letters contrast to bring words to fire my imagination.

I love reading letters from family and friends. Seeing my name on an envelope then quickly glancing to the return address brings a smile to lips and heart. I love to open an envelope and pull a card or letter from inside. I love to see what someone has chosen to share. Cards show they thought of me and a written message from their heart to mine gives me joy. I love to read of distant events and news from family.

Words and images linger far longer than spoken words. Written down, I can go back and revisit the pages again and again. I can relive the moments more than once. Memories fade; the written word endures.

I love reading for all the ways it gives me pleasure and brings me joy.

Zombie Chicken Award

2009-08-27T18:04:00.005-05:00

What an honor! Thank You. I received the Zombie Chicken award from Rebecca Emrich at Living a Life of Writing. Rebecca always has interesting posts on many aspects of writing. I always leave her site with something new.

The Details:

"The blogger who receives this award believes in the Tao of the Zombie Chicken – excellence, grace and persistence in all situations, even in the midst of a zombie apocalypse. These amazing bloggers regularly produce content so remarkable that their readers would brave a raving pack of zombie chickens just to be able to read their inspiring words."

Some of my favorite blogs are:

Victoria Gaines' -- Light for the Writer's Soul

Prill Boyle's -- Defying Gravity (a blog of and for Late Bloomers)

Ginia Oehlschlager's -- Home on the Farm (from Ginia's columns in our local newspaper)

Mark David Gerson's -- The Voice of Your Muse

Chris Guillebeau -- The Art of Non-Conformity

Each of these writers offer a unique perspective on living life to the fullest. Each is a joy and a delight to read.

Driving Time

2009-08-16T22:46:00.007-05:00

Last Sunday night I met my son in Mansfield. I picked up my almost 14-year-old grand-daughter from her mother's and delivered her to her dad. No one asked me to do this; I offered.

I haven't spent as much time as I might have liked with my grand-daughters this summer. My part-time, work from home job is taking up W-a-a-ay too much of my play time. So, I took this beautiful summer evening to enjoy her company.

We drove about an hour and talked as she flipped through radio stations. As she listened about 3 seconds to each station, she filled me in on her summer. Or, she would exclaim, "That's my favorite song!" and turn the sound up as loud as I could stand. She sang along and chair danced, her face shining with smiles. I laughed with her and marveled at her happy abandonment.

After we talked with her dad, step-mom-to-be, and sister and I got hugs & kisses from everyone, I started back home. The radio still sang in my ears but stayed on one station and the speakers no longer rattled the windows. Even with the music, though, my truck seemed empty and lonesome. Soon enough, I won't need to drive for her.

Driving together means Family Time for us. The closeness of the car invites intimate conversations. We discuss anything and everything as we drive. Our family has always done this. It doesn't matter if it is a long drive or a shorter one, riding in the car is the time for discussion; the time for revealing secrets. We talk about why we are moving, what friends are doing, what homework needs to be done, the Bible lesson at church, hopes & dreams, goals & plans. It is the time for questions and answers.

These days, those conversations are few and far between. Both my sons are grown and have been driving themselves for a long time. Now they drive their own families and have their own conversations. This is as it should be. It makes the times we drive together all the sweeter and more precious to my heart.

I wonder: Will the conversation be as sweet when I am old and some one is driving me to where ever it is we are going?

Anniversary Thoughts

2009-08-15T20:33:00.004-05:00

August 7, 2009 marked 38 years since I walked down the church aisle and joined my life to another. I gave myself to him; we two became one.

We argued (a lot!) in those first few years as we adjusted to each other and learned how to fit together. But, we also laughed (a lot more!). We spent as much time as possible with each other and simply enjoyed being together.

We had children. Those years brought a house full of children: our own, friends, family. A home full of noisy laughter. Our sons grew into men; sure evidence of time passing.

The house grew quiet again. We spent time together and enjoyed our empty nest.

Grandchildren arrived. No longer babies now, but young teens who delight us with all they do. They allow us to be an important part of their lives and give us the opportunity to share what wisdom and knowledge we have accumulated over the years. Grandchildren are a wonderful gift. They give much more to us as grandparents than seems possible.

I don't know why I am surprised each year that we have been married so long; we vowed to be together until death parted us. I guess I'm more surprised at how much time has actually passed. In many ways it doesn't feel like 38 years but I can barely recall life before marriage.

We've been married all my life. He is still my best friend. I trust him completely.

The years have brought many challenges: life style adjustments, children, extended family, jobs and more. Through it all, our faith in Christ has been the glue that bound us. I've matured as a woman, grown as a Christian, watched in wonder as God worked in and through my husband, saw my children and then my grandchildren give their hears to the Lord. Blessing upon blessing.

God has been with us every step of the way. Going before us to prepare the way. Holding our hands as we search to stay in the way.

I may wonder what life will bring in the coming years, but I know God will always be there.

Guest Blogger: Rebecca Anne Emrich from Living a Life of Writing

2009-08-03T17:10:00.004-05:00

Today I have a guest: Rebecca Anne Emlich from Living a Life of Writing. Rebecca posts daily about various aspects of writing and publishing. She shares her insights through series of articles covering different subjects and always has some interesting thoughts. She is hosting me at her site today, so click here to check out her site.

Please welcome Rebecca.

Think Small, There's Always Someone Else who Can Help

I would like to thank Karen for allowing me to guest blog on her site. She is an inspirational writer who is always giving me a new perspective. This is something, though, I'd like to share with you.

As writers we need to think small. When we don't have time we can always come up with 15 minutes.Yes, 15 minutes. Of course you must be thinking, one: she's nuts, and two: I can't write each day!!

Okay, deep breath. God gave us all 365 days a year, 12 months, 52 weeks, and most importantly 24 hours. I could go on, but the vital thing here is everyone has this time. Writers, anyone.

So before you decide to comment how dumb it sounds to write for only 15 minutes a day, think of it this way, we all have to begin somewhere, right? I'm not Hemingway or Terry Brooks, so I can't write the way they did or do. I have other pieces to my life, my family and my church. Everyone one of us has commitments and time is at a premium. I can, however write about 400 words in 15 minutes. Of course if I didn't look to check on other things it would be more!

So, think small, 15 minutes a day where you just pick up the pen and write, or go to the computer and type. Don't worry about spelling or anything else. Just write. you can always do more, but by starting small you can create something amazing.

If you like pray before, or listen to music and then, write. Think small. You'll get a novel out of you.

Thank you so much Karen to allowing me to share some of my thoughts about writing. This is such a wonderful blog. Karen is at my blog today, so please take a look at her wonderful post at living a writers life.

Thank you, for sharing your thoughts on the writing life with us today. I look forward to reading more of your work.

I'll be back next week to share what God is showing me through My View from My Window.

Clouds Across the Sky

2009-07-26T02:13:00.000-05:00

Clouds light and wispy,
thick cotton balls;
stacked thunder heads with lightening flashing.

Clouds drifting, changing shapes,
floating in azure skies
carry dreams of another life.

Clouds rolling, dark and thick,
bring promised rain.
Bursting, they release fat drops on a scorched earth.

Clouds hiding the sun.
Shadows disappear
and a breeze brings cool relief.

Clouds painting the sky orange, pink and purple
at sunset. Playing peek-a-boo with moon and stars,
they stretch over the night.

Clouds roll back.
King Jesus and His army descend.
Battle rages. War is won by His Word.

My Lord, My God

2009-07-19T06:12:00.000-05:00

How wonderful you are!

You are full of grace and mercy.

You see the depths of my soul and know my innermost thoughts.

You see how unworthy I am of your love, yet you love me.

I hide from the world, from myself, but from you I cannot hide.

You reach down and hold me, drawing me close to your heart.

You see beyond any mask I might wear; beyond the words that say, "I'm fine" or "All is well"; past the pasted on fake smile to the child hiding inside.

You love me.

You forgive me.

You heal me.

You set me free.

From before time began until after time is no more, you love me with a never ending love; you forgive with a never ending forgiveness.

When I am bogged down in this life, I come to you, Holy God, and you lift me up to stand before you.

You set my feet back on the path you have for me.

Then I breathe in your breath of grace and begin to praise and worship you.

You encourage me.

You fill me with your Spirit and wait for me to take the next step on the path with you.

I cry out, "I don't know which way to go!" and you remind me that I don't need to know because I follow you, the One who is the Way.

I bow before you.

I worship you.

I praise and adore you.

I honor you with my lips and with my life.

I serve you.

Enable me to hear you.

Empower me in your Spirit to do your will and show you to others.

Be my courage and my strength.

Lead me, as you always have, day by day and moment by moment on your path and in your way.

I thank you for your grace.

I thank you for your salvation.

I thank you for your unfailing love.

Amen

Remembering Brannan's Bluff

2009-07-12T10:03:00.000-05:00

A Favorite Swimming Hole of My Youth

Before I could drive myself, Aunt Eva Lea would take us to the "big creek" at at Brannan's Bluff on Baron Fork Creek near Proctor, OK. After chores were done, my cousins (Glenda & Rhonda) and my sisters (Gail & Sandra) and I would jump into the back of Uncle Jewel's 1969 red Chevy pick-up truck. We'd climb up two or three rungs on the wooden stock rack and head to the water. The hot summer wind would rush through our hair as we sped down the road. We'd wave to all we met, happy to be on our way.

After we turned off the highway onto the dusty lane, we'd climb down and crowd around the narrow gate. Almost before the wheels stopped, we'd hop out and race bare-foot across the rocks to see who would be first in the water. We'd drop towels on the way and shout to those behind to hurry. Once in the water, we'd dive straight into the crystal clear cold water, swim across to the bluff and climb the gray flint wall to the natural cut ledges. The bluff had varying heights so you could choose where to stop depending on how brave you felt at the time. Sandra was too little and didn't swim well enough to make it to the bluff so she stayed close to shore with friends -- new or old -- that she found. Gail and Glenda would usually stop on the lower levels; sometimes still knee deep in the water, to practice diving. Rhonda and I were tomboys and would climb as high as we could to jump off.

I would stand on the narrow ledge and look down at the scene below. Groups of swimmers would laugh and splash each other. Some floated on inner tubes and rafts. On the gravel bar to one side, teenage girls would lie on towels talking and sun bathing. Rock and roll from transistor radios echoed off the rock wall. The smell of Coppertone drifted in the still air. Blue sky stretched above. Not a cloud in sight -- birds swooping and darting in joy. Dear Aunt Eva Lea would be in her folding lawn chair, a towel over her head to protect her from the sun, at the edge of the water in what little shade could be found. The water sparkled and reflected the sun except int he shadow of the bluff. There, where the water was deep, fish swam lazily or did under a ledge. A glorious place to be when you are a young teen: before worrying about looks, boys and popularity yet and after being an over protected kid. That just right age.

Rhonda would jump. Then I would. Or, we'd all four play follow the leader or other games we made up as we went along. We'd climb and jump and swim until breathless and shivering we'd find a sunny spot to rest and warm. Rhonda, shivering with blue tinged lips and fingers, would sit on the ledge just long enough to stop shaking. Denying she was cold, she'd jump in again and we'd all be off once more.

After about two hours, it would be time to go. We'd hear Aunt Eva Lea call us but would delay as long as possible. We'd swim to the shallow side and beg for just one more jump. She must have been about to melt from the heat but was kind and usually gave us a few more minutes. Eventually, we'd all come dragging out, wrap in our towels then climb in the back of the truck for the ride home. Often, since we thought we were starving, we would stop at the Proctor Store for an ice cold Coke and a candy bar.

As soon as we got home, we'd run down to our little creek to wash off the "big creek". We'd play until supper then fall into bed exhausted to sleep the dreamless sleep of the young.

Oh, those were wonderful days!

We Have Puppies at Our House

2009-07-09T20:50:00.004-05:00

Last Thursday morning, my son's Blue Heeler had 7 new babies: 5 females and 2 males. Heelers are born white but usually get their color by the time they're weaned.

No one planned these puppies -- except their mama. We thought we watched her closely and kept an eagle eye out for male visitors but nature took over. Now we have Puppies! They are one week old today.

They are the cutest little babies and Dixie, the mama, is very caring and protective of all of them. She stays on alert for any possible intruders and will hardly leave them long enough to eat and get a drink. If one of us humans comes close, she tries to cover them with her body and a paw.

When I look at newborns, I see the Creator God in the miracle of birth and life. Amazing chances of conception, developing in the womb and birth come together in new life. Nurturing parents give attention and protection until the young ones are able to fend for themselves. I am amazed by the intricate planning of God to bring about each life.

Even more amazing is the new life we have in Christ. The Father planned for our forgiveness and salvation before He made the world. He knew me before I was born and provided for me to come to Him in faith.

Puppies, all new babies, are beautiful and wonderful. New life in Christ Jesus is Awesome.

Why I Need Books

2009-07-05T09:14:00.000-05:00

Books have always been my close companions. They let me hide from the real world. They explain life and show me what the world is like -- or how it could be.

Books show me God. First through His Word, then from other Christians. With books, I can learn almost anything: to speak well, write, science, cook, childcare, relationships, home decor and on and on and on.

Books allow me to lose myself in time. I can go far into the past, see how it must have been to live in a cave or in the wild west, be on the "inside" of courts with kings and queens, learn to love selflessly, fly into the future, or go "Over the Rainbow" to Oz and other worlds of make believe.

Books show and tell and bless and inspire. They encourage me to be better. In biographies, I see how ordinary people become extraordinary and do great things. They explain the whys of the world, keep history accurate, expound on God's grace and how to please Him.

Technically, I could exist without books. But, books make it more of a life than an existence. Books often say it better than I can. I need books to help me enjoy life.

A Chance I Didn't Take

2009-06-28T15:45:00.001-05:00

I had the chance, the opportunity, to go to college. Not once, but twice. Right out of high school I enrolled at the college closest to my home town. I could live at home and commute as did many others in our area. Then I decided to get married and since we planned to move to Colorado to begin our life together, I withdrew my enrollment application. We didn't stay in Colorado long, so I didn't go while we were there. I thought about starting classes many times after that, but the timing never seemed quite right. I had children; I was needed at home; many things seemed to call me away from school.

When our younger son finished high school, we moved from Arkansas back to Oklahoma and I again felt it might be time to enroll. My husband agreed I should explore the possibility. I started the application process and learned how to apply for grants, loans & other money. Then, we received a job offer to work together on a 12 house broiler farm. This was a good opportunity: a nice salary for both of us with a house & bills furnished. We agreed we should take the job. I cancelled on school again.

We worked hard on the farm, and the next one, and the next one. Now my dear husband is driving a truck again and trying to build a trucking company. I am home doing the paperwork needed to run the business. I deeply regret that I never followed through; never actually went to any classes. My life -- our life -- would have been completely different if I had taken a chance on myself but in those days it was difficult for a woman to be married and have a career. Now I wish I had tried.

I regret most that I didn't seek God's counsel and wisdom in my decisions. I didn't pray about getting married. I didn't enquire of the Lord about what would be His best for me. I hope that over the years I have learned to seek God first, but I'm not sure that I have. I still tend to go with my intuition and personal desires in any decision that I need to make. I pray the Holy Spirit is leading me as I make choices. I hope I am willing to take the chances He provides.

Pen & Paper

2009-06-21T15:47:00.001-05:00

Nearly everything I "do" requires that I write: mail to friends & family, pay bills, keep records for business, my journal, to do lists. All these require my use of pen & paper.

I am particular about my pen; one that flows smoothly, has a good line on paper, goes through to carbon copies and feels comfortable in my hand. Not too small so my fingers don't cramp. Not too big or I can't handle it well. I usually prefer black ink, but the pen itself can be boldly bight or soothing in color. Sometimes, for emphasis, I choose a different color ink.

When I did accounting, blue and red were necessary, but black is the easiest for me to read. I don't care to use pencils. They need to be sharpened, smear and don't show up as well when I read it the second time. But -- they do erase! That's a plus for me as I tend to make mistakes when my head rushes ahead of my hand.

I love varieties of papers. White with lines, colored with borders, bright bold colors, columns for work accounts, note pads, post cards -- almost anything that will hold ink.

Pens & papers are my self expression. My way of showing my creative side. I'm not very good at drawing, so I use paper with color and/or pictures. I see beauty in the choice of paper. Post cards and occasion cards express my thoughts and feelings for or about others. They show I care, I'm thinking of them. I can choose the ones that will best please the receiver.

Without pen & paper I couldn't take care of our business, but as important to me is the communication with family that they enable. I would be totally bereft if I couldn't write to my granddaughters. Receiving a personal note in the mail, something to hold onto and savor, something that is a tangible sign that I thought of them seems more satisfying to me than a phone call or an email. I don't care if I don't receive cards and letters, although it is a great treat, but I must be able to express my self with pen & paper.

This thing that I feel I have been called to do (writing) would be impossible for me without a pen & paper. I write my thoughts down then edit as I transfer to the computer. This is how I share what God is showing me. This is how I show others the wonderful world that God has created for us. It amazes me when I think of the care and planning He took in making our world: the beauty, the divirsity, the minute details of the interdependence of all of life. Each day I see His love for me, for us, in the world around us. I must write what I see so I can tell others of Him.

Half a Glass

2009-06-14T21:03:00.004-05:00

To see the glass as half empty is to see the world through depressed and sad eyes.

The mindset of depression and pessimism nags at me trying to drag me down into the abyss, spiraling deeper and deeper into blackness. Sadness overwhelms me and presses me farther and farther down into the pit of despair. It is only through an intentional effort to cultivate a grateful attitude that I begin to crawl back into the light of His goodness and grace. There I can again look at the glass as half full. There I begin to grasp at hope and optimism.

I know that in many ways I am deeply blessed. I have much to be happy about and little that is really bad in my life, but at times I find it hard to remember all the goodness. I try to write thanksgivings in my journal each time I record an entry to remind myself of all that I do have.

Naturally an optimistic person, it has been only in the last four or five years that I have had this problem of a deep, overwhelming sadness. It began on our farm at Noel and has been a struggle since then. I think it had its roots in a high and out of control blood sugar coupled with fluctuating hormones and a high stress level. As I better controlled these, the depression came back into balance, too. The year 2008 was a breakthrough year concerning this and now, in 2009, I am much better and have only an occasional "bad" day. I can usually tell if it is sugar related, if I am tired or if there is some other logical reason that I'm feeling down. Seldom does it last more than a few minutes or a few hours.

Life is full of ups and downs. When I was "down", I feared for my sanity and often my husband feared for my life. Through the power of the Holy Spirit, the struggle to remain on an "up" comes less often and is easier to win. Through the help and concern of friends and family, the touch of gifted Prayer Warriors, and God's grace I am very much better than I was. Today, as I strive for balance in all things, I am again more likely to see the glass as half full.

My Prayer

2009-06-08T11:40:00.002-05:00

The Lord gave this to me during the music portion of a worship service. I felt a little odd sitting to write when everyone else was standing, but I felt compelled to put down the words racing through my mind.

A Prayer

You draw me, Father, gently, lovingly to your side. I have no one but You. You only are my friend, my strength, my refuge, my shield. Fill me with your Spirit, moment by moment, that I may rest and rely on You. Quiet my thoughts that I may hear You as You speak to me. You, Lord, shower blessing on me. You encourage me. You convict and instruct me. You love with a never ending love. You lead me, step by step, to a relationship with You. Holy Spirit, teach me of You. Lord Jesus, mighty King, Savior of my soul, cleanse me of unrighteousness and sin. As the psalmist said -- Create in me a pure heart. Let me hear You. My Shepherd, call me, lead me to green pastures and beside still waters. Oh, Father, my God, may I hear You, obey You, worship You, praise You, honor You. Lord, may I sit at your feet and learn of You. Do not let me be so busy, even in service to You, that I reject time with You. Let me concentrate on You, Lord, and on Your Word. You are more important; You are vital to life. All else -- church, family, friends -- are nothing without you and your Holy Spirit. I give my all to You: all that I am, all that I have, all that I hope. Only in You is there promise of wholeness. Let me build a relationship with Jesus, all else will fall into place. Thank You for once again reminding me of your love, mercy and grace.

A Moment of Freedom

2009-05-30T22:21:00.004-05:00

What is a moment of freedom? Is it freedom from responsibility; worry; stress; a job you hate?

Freedom means many things. At times, it is the blissful silence when the baby finally stops crying and you can sleep. Or it is when all the children are out the door to school and you have your day ahead of you. Or it is when the house quiets at night and you settle in to unwind. Freedom can also mean not worrying about what you're going to eat or wear. Or that you won't be killed by a passing marauder. Freedom means different things to each of us at different times in our lives.

For me, at this season of my life, a moment of freedom is the time I have to sit on the swing with my favorite book -- which is the one I am reading at the time. I sit and swing and read and listen to the sounds of nature around me. No unwanted phone calls; no fax to send or receive. No one asks me to do anything I don't want to do. No one criticizes me for just sitting and relaxing. I am completely on my own to do or think anything I want. I could go in the house, take a walk, lie down to rest or go somewhere.

Money brings freedom of a kind if we are not slaves to work, not obsessed with having more. It can also give us the means to travel and experience new things from anywhere in the world. And, of course, money frees us from worry by providing our basic neccessities of life: food & shelter.

A moment, though, is such a short time frame. A time to relax and enjoy my surroundings. Sometimes freedom is the ability to share that time, money and space with friends or family. The point being that it is my choice to do exactly what I want at any given time. Very seldom in my adult life have I had such complete freedom. I feel constrained by money, the duties of a job and the needs of my family. Guilt drives me from my time on the swing to work in the house or office. Seldom do I do what I want to do instead of what needs to be done.

This is simple freedom, but true freedom is my freedom in Christ. My freedom from sin, from spiritual death, from separation from God. Freedom to love, to serve, to worship, to fellowship, to life. This freedom lasts more than a moment. It lasts a lifetime and beyond.

My New Office

2009-05-27T09:07:00.006-05:00

Ten days ago, my husband helped me move furniture. We emptied a small bedroom and created an office for me. Now, I have all the paper work for our growing trucking business out of my living room and a place to store all of it. This is also my writing space; a space to be alone when I need to create.

If I stand in the door to my office, I see the care my husband took to make this small space just right for me. His efforts to please me, to make it comfortable for me and just as I wanted show in his setting the computer and printer/fax in easy reach (with no tangled cords!), the chair just so, the filing cabinets spaced along one wall and the shelves he brought in for my books.

My space has a window and from my desk I can see the trees. If I move to my reading chair, I can see the back yard and more trees. Yesterday, I sat in my chair and stared out the window just to see what I might see.

I watched a rabbit peer across the yard and then run circles around a tree, under a trailer, out into the grass and then back into the brush. He seemed to be playing a secret game and that brought a smile to my lips.

Then i noticed a bright red blur as a male cardinal landed on the nearest oak tree. He perched for just a couple of heartbeats then was off again. He was a spot of joy on an otherwise dreary day.

The sun began to shine. The trees quit dripping from the rain that fell the last four days. As the clouds cleared, so did my mood. I no longer felt gray and overcast. Blue sky erased my frown.

Because our woods are full of oak and hickory trees, we have squirrels everywhere. I saw one dash across a grassy space then jump up the closest tree, stopping to taste acorns and hickory nuts along the way. He sat to nibble one but, ever on the alert, he watched warily for the dogs or other predators. I could tell because he was always looking this way and that, tail twitching, ready for a quick escape if startled.

Everywhere I look I see God's goodness. He has given me a husband who encourages me, cares what I think and does his best to give me what I desire because he loves me. God gave me a view from my window that reveals His creation in all its many variations. I am truly blessed.

Better to Light a Candle

2009-05-17T14:45:00.002-05:00

Why sit around complaining about circumstances. If things look dark, find some light. There is always something you can do to light even the smallest of flames in a dark world.

I begin by praising God for who He is. He is the Creator, the Provider, the Healer, my Peace, my Salvation, the Righteous one, the Beginning and the End, Worthy of all praise. The Mighty God, the All Sufficient One, the Author and Finisher of our faith, he is my Hope, my Shepherd, my Great High Priest, the Everlasting One. He is love and mercy. He is righteous and good. He is the Enabler, the Empowering One, the Defender of the weak. He is my Everything.

The darkness fades when I concentrate on who God is: the Light of the World, the Word, the Bread of Life, and the Never Thirst Again Water. He is Joy Unspeakable and full of glory. He was and is and is to come. He is the King of Kings. Any problems I have are small compared to the greatness of God. Whatever is causing darkness in and around me fades and shrinks before my God of the Universe. When I praise Him, all else fades into inconsequentialness and all I want is to be with Him, study Him, enjoy Him, worship Him and serve Him in whatever He asks of me.

It is better to light a candle than to sit and curse the darkness. Once you light the flame, the Light of the World grows in you and spreads out to those around you. You can be Light to your family, friends, co-workers and the world. All you need to do is light the candle of praise.

A Room of My Own

2009-05-07T11:20:00.003-05:00

Being the oldest girl can be difficult. Setting the pace, expectations, and examples for younger sisters is not easy. Being the first to mature and need privacy is hard, especially when you share a room.

I was about 10 or 11 when we moved into a big house: a former duplex remodeled into one house. We had a den for the first time and my brother had a room with a locking door (he thought that was great!). He could lock his little sisters out and keep his boy stuff however he wanted. We had a big yard, too, and lots of kids in the neighborhood. But best of all, for me, was the front bedroom. All for me. No sharing.

It was not a very large room, but, oh how I loved it. Red wallpaper with huge white roses; a hand-me-down dresser that had only my clothes in it; a closet with racks that weren't crowded with "baby" clothes; shelves for my books; a twin-sized bed with just enough room for one. For the first time I could remember, I didn't have to share. Only my things wherever I looked. They -- my sisters -- had to stay out unless I invited them in.

At night, I would turn off the light and dance across the floor to slip under the covers and enjoy my solitude. During the day was ample time to be with friends and little ones, but at night I had my own space. For a special treat, Mom and Dad surprised me with a new (used) stereo. I could stack records to drop and play or have one album repeat over and over until I fell asleep. My choice. My records. My space. It was wonderful!

We soon moved away and once again I shared a room. As we became teenagers, though, a shared room was The Best. We could talk about friends and boys and what was happening at school. We shared everything: secrets, clothes, shoes, books, friends and our room. It was that way until our brother married. Then, for awhile, I once more had a room of my own.

She Waits

2009-04-26T17:42:00.002-05:00

She lives a life of waiting.

She waits for her husband to come home. She waits for children and grandchildren to come to her. She waits for retirement. She waits to do the things she dreams of doing. She waits for Jesus to return. She waits for heaven.

While she waits, she lives in a modest home on ten acres of mostly woods. It's a comfortable home although not large. She opens the living room blinds and watches the birds and squirrels in the trees surrounding her home. From her window, she can see the horses in the pasture and neighbors as they pass.

While she waits, she prays. She prays for safety for her family. She prays for guidance and strength. She talks to the Lord all day as she reads and writes. She sits at the computer and sees Him in the e-mails, blogs and web sites she devours.

While she waits, she works on the family business. She keeps the records of all they do; she keeps track of all that needs to be done.

While she waits, she goes to church to join the worship there. She serves the Lord as she is lead, as she is able. She visits with friends and waits for the day the waiting is over.

Pics of my girls

2009-04-15T07:00:00.002-05:00

I spent some time with my son and his family in Arkansas this week-end. I always enjoy seeing them, and this was no exception.

We talked and laughed and caught up on all the news. We ate great food and generally had a good time -- at least I did and hope they did, too.

My granddaughters created some wonderful self-portraits with the digital camera. I think they are beautiful from the inside out and I can hardly believe they have become such young women.

A Prayer for Today

2009-04-13T12:58:00.004-05:00

You draw me, Father, gently, lovingly to Your side.
I have no one but You.
You are my friend, my strength, my refuge, my shield.
Fill me with your Spirit, moment by moment, that I may rest and rely on You.
Quiet my thoughts that I may hear You as You speak to me.
You, Lord, shower blessings on me.
You encourage me.
You convict and instruct me.
You love with a never-ending love.
You lead me, step by step, to a relationship with You.
Holy Spirit, teach me of You.
Lord Jesus, might King, Savior of my soul, cleanse me of unrighteousness and sin; create in me a pure heart.
My Shepherd, call me, lead me to green pastures and beside still waters.
Oh, Father, my God, may I obey You, worship You, praise You, honor You.
Lord, may I sit at your feet and learn of You.
Do not let me be so busy that I neglect time with You.
Let me concentrate on You for You are vital to my life and I am nothing without You.
I give my all to You: all that I am, all that I have, all that I hope.
In you only, is there promise of wholeness.
Help me build my relationship with You and all else will fall into place.
Thank You for once again reminding me of your love, mercy and grace.

Happy Easter!

2009-04-11T12:10:00.002-05:00

Easter, 1966

The sun is shining bravely in the clear blue sky. The wind gusts sharply across the hilltop and down into the valley.

Five little girls, ages 4 to 12, in pastel dresses and sweaters search for colored Easter Eggs. Shouts and laughter echo down the hill as they hunt among the cheerful yelow daffodils and the green grass along the fences. Fragrant locust blooms, white as snow, send their sweet petals floating on the wind.

Easter, 2009

These same 5 girls are grown now. Each has children of her own. Each has grandchildren who gather to hunt for the Easter Eggs. The home on the hill is no longer there and the girls are scattered, but the joy of Easter is greater than ever as we have realized the truth of the celebration. We rejoice in the risen Savior and long for the time of His return.

A Few Random Thoughts

2009-03-21T20:37:00.003-05:00

I sorted through several collections of my notes today. While most of what I found was not worth sharing, I thought these tidbits interesting. I hope you do too.

What would you do if you knew you wouldn't fail?
Be the somebody God made you to be.
I am the only person who possesses the unique message within me. If I don't release it, it will be dormant forever.

Good Days & Bad Days
Anticipation of His presence
Pleased to be with Him in the quiet
Fed by His word
Filled by His Spirit
Grateful to learn
Pressures gone
Dissatisfaction released
Disappointment relieved

Grace abounds amid loneliness, confusion, disappointment, depression, inconsequentialness giving delight.
Everyday sameness. Lonely in crowds; act happy; wear my mask.
An attitude of worship. A week of purpose spent in companionable silences and family enjoyment. Times of contemplation; always planning. Feelings of dread (of work undone) and accomplishment (when chores are over).

Signs of Spring

2009-03-19T15:26:00.005-05:00

From my window this morning, I see rain washed earth. The sun breaks through the steel gray of clouds to reveal the beginnings of the day.

Horses neglect hay to munch on sweet new grass. Grass that brings the pasture from the lifeless brown of winter to the fresh green of spring.

Flower beds show brave tulips pushing up through the cool earth. In another corner, the thick leaves of the iris show they, too, are coming to life.

The dogs, all three of them, bask in warm sunshine. Suddenly they are on their feet and alert. A squirrel ventured into the yard. Legs pumping, they run at full speed to chase him away and out of their space.

Birds flt from tree to tree. They gather twigs and bits of hay & grass to start nests. Their calls to each other fill the air with song.

March winds blow softly in the morning air. Across the road, the flags unfurl. As the wind picks up, blowing harder, the flags snap & pop then whip back & forth. All at once, they stand straight out, almost as though at attention. Only the edges flutter. The stars, in stark contrast to the deep blue, seem to shine with an extra brightness in the sun. Red & white stripes from a hypnotizing pattern when they ripple in the breeze.

My window tells me spring is coming. In fact, I think it's already here. Every where I look, I see the brilliant colors and other signs of early spring.

The Blank Page

2009-02-23T10:11:00.001-06:00

A blank page is before me. It looks somewhat intimidating and challenging but exciting at the same time.
A clean white sheet of paper waiting for my thoughts lies there. It waits for my thoughts to fill it. Shall I write letters to friends? Start a story? Author an essay? Compose a poem? Breathe a prayer?
As the ink flows, so do my ideas. Words come into my mind and out through my fingers. The pen moves. Black lines form the symbols of words. The things I see out my window become images in my eyes that transform onto the page.
Hope begins to blossom. I may get a whole page today. My muse smiles encouragement to me as I pause. She whispers in my ear, “Keep up the good work. Be brave.” So I continue, still not knowing where this will end.
Oh dear! Where did that thought go? I had an idea, but it slipped away before I could get it down. Will I find it again? Will another take its place? Can I keep the doubts at bay and just continue moving the pen? What’s next? A list? A question? How do I proceed? What’s the next sentence?
Well, as you can see, I’m done now. I covered the blank page with my scribbles until there is no more room and nothing more to say.
Good enough for now.

Ten Words

2009-02-18T16:55:00.002-06:00

“For I am full of words, and the spirit within me compels me; I am like bottled-up wine, like new wineskins ready to burst. I must speak and find relief; I must open my lips and reply.” ~ Job 32:18-20

I need 10 words to describe my week. How can I distill 168 hours into 10 words? How can I break the ups and downs of 10,080 minutes into 10 words? Where do I begin? Do I keep a minute by minute account of my day? I would get nothing done but analysis and writing. Then, I would still need to choose only one word for the day, or more accurately 1.4286 words per day. What is .4286 of a word? Is it a partial thought?

It is so hard to choose. Each moment is unique. Each moment brings a different feeling to it: bored, sleepy, learning, busy, tired, loved, excited, sad, happy, lonely, overwhelmed. All these can happen during one day. How can I choose only one word?

I want to use descriptive words that express the overall complete feeling of the day, but what do I emphasize? What's the most outstanding point of any one day?

I want to be honest, to share my days with the friends and family of my life. Should I limit my choices to all positive upbeat words? Can I be truthful enough to share those not so great days? Will they understand?

My trust in God leads me to believe they will accept me as the sinner saved by grace that I am. I hope I can remove my mask and be real.

Ten words to reveal the real me. Lord, help me.

A Moment of Worship

2009-02-14T23:50:00.002-06:00

Phrases of songs float through my mind. I hear bits and pieces of God’s gospel in the music. Words bring powerful images of the awesome holiness of God and the amazing mercy and grace He bestowed on me.

I think I forget, at times, the greatness of God. I tend to take for granted my access to Him and come into His presence and neglect to seek forgiveness and cleansing. I don’t always take the time to worship Him and give Him praise. Too often my time with the Lord is spent whining and complaining or presenting a list of “I wants” disguised as “I needs”.

When I seek guidance, do I pray, “What would You have me do?” or do I pray, “This is what I’m doing, bless my efforts.”

As the music plays in my head, I hum along. It reminds me of the truth of His word and that brings a smile to my lips and a prayer forms:

Dear Lord, help me remember to seek your guidance and blessing first. In all things let me be full of praise of You. Let me always express my gratitude to You. Let me always rejoice in You. Let me always worship You.

Who I Am

2009-02-11T10:21:00.001-06:00

Who am I? That sounds like a simple question, but the answer is not simple. I am a complex being so when I’m asked this question, I feel I am a confused child in a grown up body. One would think that by my age and with my experience, I would have some idea of who I am. But, putting that essence of me into words that aptly describe the real me seems a daunting task.

I know that I am more that what I do: accounting, house work, volunteering or writing. These are merely outward symbols of me. I enjoy most of these symbols. I feel useful and necessary when I do them, even though almost anyone could do what I do.

I know, too, that the different hats that I wear are not the complete, real me either.

I am a wife, mother, and grandmother. I am an ever-learning student and I find the world and the people in it fascinating. I am the caretaker of our home. I am our family historian. These things combine to define my place in my family.

However, all of these are not the real me. I am a three-part woman comprised of body, mind and spirit.

The body grows older day by day. It no longer looks as it looked when I was young. It weakens and fails and will someday cease to function. When it does, others will call it death although I think of it as sleep.

My mind, too, ages. It seems to age more slowly than my body and feels much younger than my years. My mind is still capable of rational thought and I have attained a certain degree of wisdom by learning from my mistakes. (At least my children seem to think I have.) Someday the mind, too, will cease to function in this world and I will no longer have the ability to communicate with those around me.

My spirit, therefore, must contain the essence of me for my spirit lives forever. My spirit invited Jesus to come and dwell with me. He came and the Holy Spirit abides in me and I abide in Him. Because of this, I will live when my body and mind cease. Soul and Spirit have peace and joy in the hope of eternity with God.

So, who I am is simple after all. I am an eternal spirit captured for a short time in this mortal body. I am a child of God, created in His image to fellowship with Him. I am a disciple learning of my Master. I am heir to my Father’s kingdom. I am a woman of faith.

I am Karen and I am unique in all the universe.

I am Not Worthy

2009-01-27T20:31:00.003-06:00

I am not worthy of your love, mercy & grace. I am not worthy to come before the throne. I can do no good thing on my own. I am unable to obey the law. I have no love. I am unclean, born of sin. Only through the saving blood of Jesus that washes me clean and makes me whole can you bear to look upon me. Only then can I bear for you to see me.

But, I look beyond myself, beyond what I am, and see who & what God is. When I see God, what I am no longer matters because of who He is. He is all I need.

Jehovah Shammah

2009-01-15T11:09:00.003-06:00

The Lord is There

You, my Jehovah Shammah, are the I Am is There – but where is there? As I look to your word, You are revealed. The answer comes.

You are there in creation as you make everything from nothing.
You are there in the garden with Adam & Eve.
You are there in the Ark with Noah.
You are there with Abraham in the Covenant you make with him.
You are there with Sarah as she delivers Isaac, the child of promise.
You are there with Moses as he leads the people from Egypt.
You are there in the tabernacle in the desert. Your glory is visible to all.
You are there with the judges who govern & guide.
You are there with David, a man after your heart.
You are there with the prophets as they warn of judgment. You treasure your people and the pain of their idolatry tears at your heart. You promise forgivenss if the people repent of their wickedness & idolatry and return to worship you.
You are there in your temple in Jerusalem – and then you withdraw your presence from the earth. You keep silent for over 400 years.

But, you return!

You are there in Jesus as he walks among us, as he sacrifices himself for us, as he rises from the dead & ascends to heaven.
You are there in the disciples and apostles as they spread the good news of life in Christ.
You are there in me. Because I have faith and repent, you redeem me and I am yours. Your Holy Spirit lives within me.
You are there at the last battle when Satan & all evil are defeated.
You are there in the new heaven & new earth when we fellowship & worship face to face for all eternity.

Yes, you are Jehovah Shammah and you are Here.

Jehovah Tsidkenu

2009-01-07T15:47:00.001-06:00

The Lord Our Righteousness

The heart of man is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked. But you, oh Lord, have kept your covenant with us. Sacrifices offered cannot change the heart or make us acceptable to you, only you can do that.

You saw our failure and sent judgment. You are Jehovah Tsidkenu and in you there is hope. In your name are righteousness and the promise of grace.

In your grace we receive a new heart. We can be right with you. We can be more than good. We can be made straight. We can be what you say is right and good. We can live according to your standard.

You write your law in our heart, our innermost being. You forgive our wickedness and forget our sin. You remove our heart of stone and turn us to you. You give us a new heart and your Spirit to live within us. You enable us to walk with you, to follow your statutes and obey your laws.

You, Our Righteousness, gather us to you. You attend to us. You give us wise and able spiritual leaders. You take away all fear. You give us Jesus, who is the Righteous Branch, our Messiah. He is wisdom and justice. He will reign on the throne of David as King forever.

Though Jesus was made sin for us, by believing in Him we are made righteous in your sight. We are given a heart not made of stone. We have a new master. We are cleansed by believing in Him. By receiving Jesus, we are made right with you.

The heart of man is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked but you are our Jehovah Tsidkenu, the Lord Our Righteousness.

Jehovah Raah

2008-12-31T15:28:00.001-06:00

I Am Your Shepherd

Jehovah–Raah is my shepherd.
His sheep am I.

He feeds me the bread of life.
He gives me rest in Him.
He leads me to quiet water so I may drink of Him until I thirst no more.
He restores my soul.
He guides me in righteousness.
I follow His safe paths.
His sheep am I.

When I walk through shadow places and dark times,
I fear not for He is with me.
I have no defense but Him.
He destroys my enemies.
He draws me back to the Way.
He speaks and I know His voice.
His sheep am I.

He supplies all my needs.
I have abundant life in Him.
He anoints me with His Holy Spirit.
He pours out His blessing on me.
His sheep am I.

His goodness & mercy follow me all my days.
I will dwell with Him forever.
He is Jehovah–Raah, the Good Shepherd.
His sheep am I.

Merry Christmas!

2008-12-25T07:41:00.004-06:00

The Holiday Season is in full swing with special traditions, family gatherings, food and fun. During this time let us remember the true reason we celebrate: Jesus our Christ.

M essiah
E verlasting Love
R edeemer
R andom acts of Kindness
Y ou are His treasured possession

C hrist Child
H oly God
R adiant Joy
I srael's King
S acrificed for Sin
T rust in God
M agi with gifts follow the Star
A ngels’ Announcement
S hepherds hear the News

May our Great God bless you with Peace & Joy.

Jehovah Sabaoth

2008-12-17T12:06:00.000-06:00

I Am the Lord of Hosts

When I come to the end of my self,
When I am at the end of my strength,
When I need power for deliverance,
Then I rest in You.

When no other way seems clear,
When I see no other help,
When I am at the end of my resources,
Then I rest in You.

You are the One who Delivers.
You are the Lord of Hosts.

I come to worship and offer the sacrifice of myself as I plead with You.
I know no one else who can help me.
I face impossible odds and no one believes I can do what you called me to do.
I know you are my power and my strength.

I cannot rely on religion.
I cannot depend on icons or symbols.
I cannot trust my own strength if I want victory.
I must come to you in righteousness.

You are the One who Delivers.
You are the Lord of Hosts.

You are my righteousness.
You are my deliverer.
You are the judge of my enemies.
You see my heart and save my soul.

You, Jehovah Sabaoth, are the One who Judges.
You, Jehovah Sabaoth, are the One who Delivers.
You, Jehovah Sabaoth, are the Lord of Hosts.

Fall Retreat

2008-12-13T09:40:00.003-06:00

Our church Women’s Ministry recently held our Fall Retreat. We met in the Keeter Center at College of the Ozarks near Branson, MO. Beautiful surroundings and sweet fellowship gave us a time to refresh & renew as we gathered together away from family & responsibilities.

My room, shared with 3 others, was a Suite. We had a living room, bedroom (2 queen sized beds), bath with 2nd sink & huge mirror separate from the shower, and a kitchenette. A small balcony overlooked the campus and most of Branson. We returned to our room after dinner & the evening meeting to find our beds turned down, scrumptious cookies and fresh milk from the school's own dairy.

Outside our door, the balcony hallway overlooked the three story tree covered in thousands of twinkling white lights. Comfortable seating made it possible to watch the lobby activity from above. The Christmas Tree Lighting Ceremony occurred Friday night and a wonderful buffet with the most delightful snacks, hot chocolate or hot apple cider was available to all. Music flowed everywhere, even a live chorus for carols, and created a very soothing and welcoming atmosphere.

Classes were a study entitled "Loving Well" presented by Beth Moore via DVD with application activities afterward. The basic truth I left knowing is : Loving well comes from being well loved. All love comes from our Father God as He is Love.

After a delicious catered lunch, we left for shopping. The outlet mall was packed! Our group stayed about 2 hours then headed home. I enjoyed a lovely weekend of pampering and food – both spiritual and physical.

I'm already marking the days and looking forward to the next Fall Retreat.

Jehovah Shalom

2008-12-12T23:36:00.001-06:00

I Am Peace

True Peace cannot be found apart from You. My peace depends on my relationship with You. When I obey You, I have peace for peace comes as a blessing from You. I rest in You. You hold my future and my hope is in You. Peace comes when I focus on You, when I let go of worry & trust in You.

Your Word – the good, right & perfect way – brings peace. My thankful heart rejoices in You. You hear me & give me peace through Jesus. When I think on the true, honorable, right, pure, lovely, good, excellent, praise worthy, when I dwell (which is to live or abide) on these things, peace comes from You.

You promised me the Prince of Peace who is Lord of Lords & King of Kings. Through Him I have peace with You. I have peace, no matter what my circumstances, because of You. It is of your very essence.

You have given me Your Peace, not what this world offers as peace, but peace to my soul when I rest in You.

You keep me in perfect peace when I focus on You. As I am filled with Your Spirit, You give me peace for you are my Jehovah Shalom. You are the Lord is Peace.

Jehovah-Mekoddishkem

2008-12-04T22:29:00.004-06:00

I Am the One Who Sanctifies

You are a Holy God. There is only goodness in You. Sin cannot be in your presence. So, you made a way for me, sinful as I am, to come before you. You set me apart from the world when you saved me. You made me different from the inside out. Now I come to you through grace; the grace of the cross.

Before the cross, the priests were continually offering sacrifices to atone for the people. So many laws, rules & regulations no one could live up to all of them. The Law shows me my failure, my sin. Jesus cleanses me & makes me holy. Jesus is the final sacrifice, the final atonement. Because He is at your right hand, I am able to approach you freely. I can worship you. I can ask of you. You freely give.

You gave the Israelites the Sabbath as a reminder that they are your chosen possession & are to be set apart from the world. The Sabbath is the reminder that it is You who make us holy. You created the Sabbath for our good. You instructed the Israelites to keep it. Do no work; reflect on the greatness & goodness of God. It is a holy day to be used as rest for the body & refreshment for the soul.

How do I “keep Sabbath”? How do I make it a holy time & not just a day to do nothing? How do I make it a day spent focused on God? How do I focus on His love for me & for the world? I am not under the Law, but still need redemption. Is this law still valid for today? Didn’t Jesus fulfill the Law & do away with legalism? We worship in Spirit, but the Bible calls this an everlasting covenant. If we are “children of Abraham” are we required to keep our part of the covenant even though not physically a Jew?

How do I live a holy life? How do I live set apart? How do I remain a peculiar people? What do I do that shows who You are? I can do nothing on my own, in my own power or strength. All I can do is have faith in You, ask for forgiveness & plead the blood of Christ. You accept my plea & forgive. Through the blood I am sanctified for you are Jehovah – Mekoddishkem, the One Who Sanctifies.

Hanging of the Green

2008-12-03T05:30:00.001-06:00

It's that season again and time to prepare for the celebration of the birth of our Savior. Tonight the women of our church will gather to decorate for Advent and Christmas. This story is from our gathering last year. I know this year will be as joyful

November 25, 2007

Rain drizzles. I park the truck and pull my coat closer to block out the cold. I open the church door and soft voices mixed with laughter float to me, more warming than the heat of the building. Favorite melodies drift around us and proved soothing background. I smile to myself in expectation of the evening ahead.

Tables arranged with soft white cloths and burgundy silk, topped with candles shining through the prism of crystal holders offer welcome. Across the room stands a long table draped in gold. Burgundy poinsettias and pewter candelabras rest amid the deep wine of the artfully scrunched runner; it invites us to taste the tempting morsels we bring.

In one corner, a group of several women sort the sections of a giant Christmas tree. They fluff branches and place them firmly on the "trunk". Miniature white lights are strung and lit; the angel placed securely on top. Perfection!

At the front of the sanctuary, a small group of friends wind strings of lights among the branches of huge wreaths and greenery. The tiny lights cause large bows of burgundy and gold to shine in contrast to the deep green. They hang these around the baptistery. More friends hang wreaths along the side walls, between the windows.

At the altar, a table arrives. Carefully, the ladies place a gold lame' runner on the polished wood. One cleans the Advent Ring reverently then arranges it on one corner. Another places a Bible, open to the Nativity Story, on the opposite corner.

The lights of the sanctuary dim until we see only by the illumination of the candles and the Christmas lights. We sisters in Christ gather. Hands and hearts joined in prayer, we give thanks and ask for blessing. We fill plates and sit to rest. Time is spent chatting over food and catching up with friends.

Soon, we clear our tables and move as a group to the altar. We listen to memories and gift ideas and ways to enhance the anticipation of Advent. We move closer and sing Christmas Hymns. I sense the Lord's presence in voices lifted in song, and also in the laughter when we falter at the words.

It's getting late. Husbands and families expect us at home. We unite in prayer again and go our separate ways. I know, as we go out into the cold dark night, when we met together for the hanging o' the green, we had a taste of heaven here on earth.

Jehovah Nissi

2008-11-29T12:38:00.005-06:00

I Am Your Banner

Christian friends, we are in warfare; we are called to be soldiers. Our enemy has not flesh & blood, but is the spirit of unrighteousness manifested by Lucifer and his followers.

You, Jehovah Nissi, are our ensign at the head of our line. You show us the way. You are our rallying point. You shine in the sun so we can see you, come to you, follow you.

Just as a standard goes before the army, you went before me. You fought the battle. You won. You are victory. As Moses raised his staff, Joshua & the Israelites prevailed in battle. Jesus was raised on the cross for us to prevail in our battle. We war against a world that shows no fear or any respect for our God. You lead me to do what is right, what is good, what is holy.

My battle begins within myself. I fight against my selfishness, my rebellion, my pride, my hypocrisy. These sins, and others, must be conquered. I cannot do this on my own, but through your Holy Spirit enabling me, I win the battle. You are the Way to victory. Only you can win the war. You have won it already.

Let me come after you in that last battle when you descend from heaven with eyes blazing fire. Let me ride with you in that battle when you wear your crowns & whit robe dipped in blood. Let me ride with you, and the armies of heaven, dressed in fine white line. Let me ride with you in that battle when from your mouth comes a sharp sword, when you rule & reign, when you tread the wine-press of wrath and on your robe is written King of Kings & Lord of Lords.

You, Jehovah Nissi, go before us to make war. You capture the Evil One and all his followers. You bind him & hold him captive. You destroy him. You show me the way to go. You shine before me high & lifted up. May I share victory with you as I follow you. For you, Oh Lord, are my Jehovah Nissi - my I Am Your Banner.

16th Birthday

2008-11-22T06:00:00.002-06:00

Memories of my dad are few: some home movies, swimming, and my 16th birthday.

My birthday is always close to Thanksgiving, sometimes even the day itself. So, in November 1969, my brother and I drove to Kansas City to see our dad for the holiday weekend.

I don't remember the dinner, where it was or who was there. But, I do remember wearing a blue paisley tent dress -- very stylish at the time -- and going to town. Dad remembered it was my birthday without my telling him. I was so surprised. He offered to take me shopping for a present, just the two of us. I didn't know how to act around him. He'd been divorced from Mom four years and we didn't see him often. Besides, I was quiet and shy in those days, especially around adults.

In any event, we left for town. I don't even recall what store we chose (that was in the days before Wal-Mart!), just bright lights and the electronics counter. We looked at various things I suppose, but I was drawn to an AM-FM radio. It wore tan leather and the telescoping antenna strapped to the side adjusted for better reception. The attached electric cord stored in a special compartment on the back when not in use. Batteries were included. It seemed too expensive for me to ask for it, but he could tell it was what I wanted. I went home happy and listened to songs all the way.

I allowed no one to touch my radio and enjoyed my hours with only its music, and the memory of that day, to keep me company. Even now, it is one of my treasures.

My Superman

2008-11-15T05:48:00.000-06:00

Happy Birthday to my Superman!!

My Superman is my husband. Just like Clark Kent, you'd never guess his greatness. He's very quiet, unassuming, shy and easily overlooked. But, he's always there to rescue those in need.

My Superman stays in the background and always lets others take credit for his good ideas or deeds. He's a peacemaker and is always the calming influence in a charged atmosphere.

My Superman is strong and sure in an emergency. He's always calm as he takes charge and directs others to do what needs to be done. His strength seems to last forever as he can just go on & on until everyone is taken care of and all the chores are done. His only concern is that the work is done so the rest of us will have an easier tomorrow.

My Superman is kind and compassionate to others. He always tries to take care of everyone, ignoring any pain or discomfort of his own. Only after everyone else has everything they need, will he consider his own needs.

My Superman loves God with all his heart and is always applying Godly principles to the events of daily life. He has a verse to fit any occasion. He prays for others and strives to serve the Lord in all he does.

My Superman is a clown. He's always joking and laughing. One of his greatest pleasures is to make others laugh. He even tells jokes to himself if no one else is around. My Superman can't bear to see anyone cry; he does everything he can to keep us laughing.

My Superman has an angry side. He gets really mad at lies, injustice and evil. Because of this, he's always truthful, fair and good himself and strives to help others be this way, too.

My Superman is a teacher. He shares all he has learned with those who will listen. Because of hard times, hurts and problems he has acquired a life-time of wisdom. He's always trying to prevent others from hardships by relating what he learned from personal experience.

My Superman has had to deal with Lois Lane. She is the independent woman who tends to ignore the quiet Clark Kent and who idolizes Superman. He's also had a Perry White, who bosses and controls his life, and with Jimmy Olsen (more than one!) who is always there, more often in the way than a help. Through it all my Superman keeps his cool and keeps on doing the job God has given him.

My Superman must have a Kryptonite, but I haven't found it yet.

My Superman is my Husband. Do you have a Superman in your life? I hope so.

Jehovah Rapha

2008-11-14T14:01:00.001-06:00

I AM your Healer

Sin has broken me. I am in pieces before you. I cannot mend my self. I cannot heal the wounds nor stop the hurting. Eve’s sin, and Adam’s, separates me from your healing. There is no hope for me. But No! You are here; You, the mighty I AM. You draw me to you. You sprinkle the blood sacrifice of Jesus on my soul. Sin is covered. I rejoice. I give thanks. I am healed.

I live in an imperfect world with imperfect people. They cause me pain. They tear at my heart. They wound me. I withdraw into myself. I cry out to you. I run to you for you are my strong tower, my safety. There with you, you heal me. You cover the scars; take them upon yourself. Day by day I am healed.

Days, months, years of my life pass. My mind cracks around the edges. Demons of anger & depression stab me with darts of fear & inadequacy. As I sink into the pit, the abyss of despair, I call for you. You lift me up, out of my self-imposed prison. You give me peace & joy. I am healed.

Age accumulates; my body fails. Disease attacks, knocks me down. I faint for fear that you are punishing me. I search my soul, like Job, and see no cause. Are you testing me? Will you use this to your glory? How will I know? In my pain, I turn to you. I pray. I call the elders to anoint me with oil & pray. You meet me at my need. I am healed.

I see my country torn apart by the wickedness of our people. The citizens of my nation suffer, yet they continue to ignore you. I search my heart. Your spirit reveals any unrighteousness. I repent & pray. Your children call out to you and you are there. You hear from heaven as we cry to you. You answer. You keep your word. We are healed.

You know every part of me – all the chips & cracks. I can hide nothing from you. In your perfect timing, you pour out healing. You give me peace. I am healed.

My heart overflows with gratitude. I worship, praise, adore you. You restore me. I am healed.

It's Been a Long Time Coming

2008-11-10T18:30:00.005-06:00

My granddaughter went to live with her Dad. She's 11 now. She was 2 when her parents divorced. Her sister moved in with him last year just as she turned 12.

We prayed for God's will at the custody hearing. We prayed for His best for the girls; we believed it would be for them to live with their Dad. They have lived all this time with their mother, but now -- without a court battle -- they have both decided to live with their Dad.

My older granddaughter, Courtney, a strong willed child, is maturing and during the coming teen-age years she'll need a firm, loving hand.

Sydney has always been a quieter, more compliant child. She has always been indulged because she's the youngest, but when she decides she wants something, she perseveres until she gets it. Her dad will give her the gentle guidance she needs.

Our prayer for these young girls is that they will blossom and bloom into the women God calls them to be. It's been a long time coming, but God has answered our prayer in His time.

Music Fills the Air

2008-11-05T10:00:00.002-06:00

The music of nature fills the air.

Wind whispers in the naked brances of winter barren trees.

Birds chirp, searching for food on the sodden ground.

Water ripples and gurgles among rocks in the creek.

God speaks in the music.

He calls to me, offering peace and hope.

He whispers love in my ears and offers strong arms of comfort.

Too often I hesitate.

Too often I don't run to meet Him, but hang back holding on to my sorrow and distress.

Yet, He is always there ready to receive me when I come running.

He dries my tears.

He gently reminds me of His promises.

He waits to welcome me.

Jehovah-Jireh

2008-11-04T12:56:00.002-06:00

God is "I Am, your Provider"

Provider for my soul, you see me from before creation & into eternity. Because you see, you know my need. You planned how to meet those needs and set them in place. They are available when I get to the place I need them. You provided Jesus, your Holy & Beloved Son, as the sacrificial atonement for my sin.

You supply, you give, you provide for my spirit by giving of yourself through your Holy Spirit. He lives in me. He enables me to know you; to see you. You give me cause to praise & worship you. You provide opportunities for service, enable me and show me the way to serve you.

You placed me with parents who loved me and helped me grow. You gave me a husband & family. You give me friends for social contact. In these ways, You provide for my emotional needs.

You shower me with physical blessings. You provide my health, my home, my finances. You allow me use of your limitless resources. I have no worry for what tomorrow may bring. I can rely on you to provide for me each day. You provide for my future in this life & in the life to come.

From before time to the end of time you see, know & provide for every facet of my life. You provide for all of me: spiritual, emotional & physical.

You provide love, forgiveness & comfort. You alone in all of heaven & earth can completely provide for every aspect of me.

You are my God. You are my Jehovah-Jireh.

Jehovah

2008-11-01T14:22:00.001-05:00

The Self-Existent One

You said to Moses, “I am that I am.”
You have always been.
You are now.
You will always be.
You are the Alpha & Omega.
You are just in all things.
You are righteous, compassionate & gracious.
You are slow to anger and quick to forgive when asked.
You punish evil.
You abound in loving kindness.
You are truth.
You are love.
You are life.
All life is in You.
You are Jehovah – the One who is.
You are three in one: Father, Son & Holy Spirit.
You are the keeper of your promises.
You fulfill your covenant.

All I need is you, for you are Jehovah
Who was & is & will be.

Adonai

2008-10-25T16:10:00.002-05:00

Ruler -- Master

Adonai, Ruler of the universe, King of all kings, you rule & reign over all creation.

Lord of lords, your loving kindness is everlasting.

You decide what I must do & how to do it. You provide the tools I need. You, a good master, know my talents and give me work using my abilities. You take care of me, for I am yours. I have no life of my own, but only live to do your bidding. I belong to you; I give my heart to you because you bought me with your sacrifice.

I bow before you, Oh Lord. You are my master; I am your slave. In everything you ask of me, you provide all I need to complete the task. You enable me through your Spirit. Your yoke is easy and your burden is light.

You came as a servant to show me how to serve. You loved me first, so I would know how to love. The desire of my heart is to know you, to hear you, to worship your, to obey you, to serve you. I long to hear you welcome me to heaven saying, "Well done, my good and faithful servant."

You will come again, with a shout and the trumpet, to call us home to be with you. The whole earth will see you come and every knee will bow, every tongue will confess you are Lord -- Adonai. You, Oh Lord, triumph over evil and defeat wickedness. You will bind Satan, the evil one, and reign as King of Kings for a thousand years of peace on the earth. You will cast Satan into the bottomless pit and rule forever & ever in Heaven.

Even so, come quickly, Lord Jesus, my Adoani.

Words of Life

2008-10-20T07:00:00.007-05:00

Rejoice in the Lord always!
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
My God shall meet all your needs according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus.
For He Himself is our peace.
He is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine according to His power that is at work within us.

Wonderful promises of God found in His word. There for all to see if only we look (read & understand). Understanding comes from the Holy Spirit within us. He interprets and translates the words into our hearts and souls so we may see and understand. We may truly know God: mighty, powerful, righteous, holy, merciful and kind. Through Christ we begin to know the Father. We have access to Him He loves us as His children. Christ's blood given sacrificially for us gives us holiness, which is necessary to approach our Holy God. Our sins forgiven, He adopts us as His children. We become His family and dwell in His home in heaven.

Praise & Glory to God, Father, Son & Spirit. Holy, Just, Righteous, Loving, Forgiving, Cleansing. We welcome you into our hearts; You welcome us to heaven.

Wedding Pictures

2008-10-17T23:28:00.008-05:00

A few more pics of The Wedding.

Our family has had a wonderful time preparing for this big day. We have enjoyed celebrating the love & joy Steve & Jessie share. We love Jessie and welcome her into our family.

The Happy Couple

Jessie traded dress-up shoes for her comfy boots; can't say I blame her.

Tasting Wedding Cake

Our family: (left to right) Courtney, Steve, Sydney, Jessie,

Dad, Mom, Jason.

The whole wedding party.

Jason, Jessie & Steve, Annie.

One of my favorites: lighting the Unity Candle.

Near Noel, MO

2008-10-13T11:27:00.004-05:00

I sit here, overlooking the Elk River, sipping tea and wondering what God has for me next.

The river looks cool and serene: inviting to all my senses. Shades of green in trees -- sycamore, oak, wild locust, walnut -- shrubs of all kinds, grape vines and ivy provide a palette of soothing variety. They blend together then a splash of yellow or red peeps through the green in a bold display.

Blue from the sky and white clouds interspersed with shades of green from the trees, reflect in the still, deep water.

My gaze travels up-stream. I see no sign of life, but I am deceived by the stillness. Fish hide in the shadows waiting for the unwary insect to glide by. Birds flit among the branches searching for tasty tidbits. Squirrels chatter and jump from branch to branch. When on the ground, they run a few steps then sit up to search for predators. Ears and tails twitch with nervous energy. They watch, ready to run at any motion.

God is here, too. His peace rests on this place. He made this scene for me, His child, to enjoy and be refreshed. The restoration of my soul draws me to Him. My heart lifts in praise, adoration and worship for the Creator.

El Shaddai -- Almighty God

2008-10-11T09:06:00.004-05:00

The All Sufficient One

Hallelujah! For our Lord God Almighty reigns -- Rev. 19:6

Your power comes not from violence, but from all bountifulness.
You pour yourself out for me; you pour out blessings on me.
You gave your son for me.
You give yourself, your very nature, to me.
You breathe life to me.

I abide (rest) in you and you abide (dwell) in me.
You mould me to your pleasure that I may be used to bless others.
I give up all of me that I may be full of you.
Your power is demonstrated in my weakness and
I say with Paul, "When I am weak, then am I strong".

You restore my soul.
You are my delight.
I stand in awe of you.
You are holy & righteous; your judgments are pure & just.
You do no wrong; there is no evil in you.

"Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty, who was, and is, and is to come!" -- Rev. 4:8

Before anything was, you are.
You hear me when I seek you.
You are my understanding.
You are my wisdom.
You answer my prayers according to the motives of my heart.

You discern & know my heart's cry.
You are the unconditional lover of my soul.
Your name is above every name.
You, El Shaddai, are all I need.
You, El Shaddai, are my All Sufficient One.

Healing Touch

2008-10-08T08:00:00.004-05:00

I lie curled in a fetal position in the dim light of the bedroom. My whole body aches; my head pounds. I try to rest.

Slowly, the door opens He step to my bedside and softly asks, "How are you doing?"

I mumble, "Not too well."

He touches my arm and helps me sit up. I rise to stand on legs I fear won't hold me. He pulls me toward him then wraps me in his arms. His hug is warm and comforting. I lean in to inhale the smell of them. There it is -- the familiar lingering smell of diesel, a hint of sweat and wintergreen. He just got home from a hard week on the road.

As we stand there, he begins to rub my back. I sigh and melt into him a little more. He runs scarred fingers through my hair. He places work calloused hands on my face. I look up at him and smile. He kisses my forehead, his lips brushing my skin soft as a feather. He steps back and I lie down again.

The pain is gone from my body. My head eased, I drift into sleep. When I wake, I go in search of him.

As I get ready for bed that night, I reflect on the day. I'm thankful for his healing touch and I am reminded of God.

I think of God searching me out when the wounds and cares of life send me whimpering. He lovingly holds me close until I no longer ache. He wraps caring arms around me, holds me gently and gives me rest. All He requires of me is to lean on Him and receive His healing touch.

Boots

2008-10-05T22:49:00.002-05:00

I walk into the kitchen for my first cup of coffee. There, beside the door, sit my son's boots. I frown. "Why didn't he put these away?" I wonder for the 1,000th time.

I study them: lace up Justin cowboy boots. They define my son. Tall, up over the ankle for stability, laces adjust to thickness of socks or soreness of a turned ankle. These boots are scuffed from hours in the round pen with colts; worn smooth by days in the saddle. Traces of mud and horse manure mixed together cling to the soles. The odor of horses and the outdoors floats around them.

These boots are not just kicked off and scattered across the floor. They sit upright, side by side, and out of the way so no one will trip over them. They wait patiently for the next time he wants them, ready for another day in the sun.

My frown changes to a smile. I see the man he has become: a modern cowboy, thoughtful and kind, a purpose in all he does. The boots remind me of his growing up years, of his hopes and dreams of having a cattle and horse ranch. He's on his way now to achieving those dreams. Boots carried him from his childhood dreams to his adult reality.

I walk around the kitchen and start breakfast for the man who will soon fill these boots.

El Roi, The God Who Sees

2008-10-01T13:50:00.011-05:00

El Roi watches over His word to see that it is fulfilled: His word that created the universe including mankind; including me.

El Roi saw me in my mother's womb. He saw me come to Jesus as a child. He saw me through the teenage years when I didn't follow Him. He watched me become a woman, a wife, a mother and a grandmother.

El Roi watched over me as we moved away from family & friends and began life in a new place.

El Roi sees my children and grandchildren. He watches over them, cares for them, and loves them as they grow. He knows their hearts.

El Roi is with my husband as he drives across the nation. He is aware of all the dangers and troubles he faces. He also sees my dear one as he learns, praises and worships in the solitude of his big truck.

El Roi watches me as I live my married life. He sees me as I come and go -- wherever I go. He sees the desires of my heart. He sees behind the masks I wear in public. He sees the hurts, the wants and the needs of me, His child. He sees the large things and the small things. He sees me as I am. He sees me as I hope to become. He sees me as He knows I am capable of becoming.

El Roi sees when I do wrong and when I do right. He sees me through the Blood of Jesus that covers me. He sees me when I please Him and when I fail Him. He sees how I show Him to others. He sees how I react to the ones around me.

El Roi -- the God who sees -- sees what I can't. He sees the hearts of others; their hurts, their needs, their motives.

As I come to know you, Father as El Roi, give me your eyes that I might see. Let me see what I am missing. Let me see me as You see me. Let me see others as you see them. Let me see You.

Wedding News & Pics

2008-09-30T18:07:00.006-05:00

Just a few shots from the Big Night.
Newlyweds, September 26, 2008

Steve & Jessie
Me, Jessie, Steve & Dad

Steve goofing off.

The excitement in over and things are back to normal around here.

We welcomed a new daughter into the family last Friday night when our son "got hitched". The bride looked beautiful and the groom cleaned up pretty good, too. It was a small, intimate wedding where we all felt the warm glow of their love. The week-end honeymoon spent at the lake was a huge success and they came home tired but happy. Now, every one is settling into our normal routines.

El Elyon, God Most High

2008-09-24T09:46:00.009-05:00

The Sovereign God

Controller of the universe, all things exist by your will.

You know my future.

You have a plan for me.

You know my adversary and do not allow him free reign.

You hedge me in and offer protection.

By your will the history of my life -- indeed, the entire world -- unfolds before you.

You give me the choice to follow you.

You will not force your will on me,

But allow me to choose to seek you.

When I do, I give you joy.

You control all the circumstances of my life -- both good & bad -- and use them to fulfill your will and purpose in my life.

Your purpose for my life is to love, honor and praise you.

I look forward to eternity with you when I may perfectly worship you.

I call you by name, God Most High; you fulfill your purpose for me.

You accomplish all things for me.

You are my El Elyon, my Sovereign God.

Trying Something New

2008-09-22T14:06:00.016-05:00

I saw a writing prompt recently that suggested writing a Haiku. I had never tried this before and found it quite challenging. You might want to try it, too.

Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary definition:
Haiku -- an unrhymed verse form of Japanese origin having three lines containing usually five, seven, and five syllables respectively ; also : a poem in this form usually having a seasonal reference

Belief

Father, Son, Spirit

Our universe creator

Deserves our worship

Below is the second one I wrote. Our younger son is getting married this Friday so weddings and family are on my mind right now.

Family

Wed, two become one.

We live, laugh, love together

Growing close with age.

A Prayer of Commitment

2008-09-21T08:16:00.004-05:00

Father God, my Creator,
What is your purpose for my life?
Why was I born? Why am I here?
Your Word says I am created in your image and for your glory.
Your Word also says I am created by your will and for your pleasure.

Lord, by your power alone, I live for you.
By your Holy Spirit, I reflect your holiness, goodness, mercy and grace.
Your light, shining through me, reveals your loving kindness and sacrifice to the world.

I rest in you.
May my life give you honor and glory.
Let me "die to self" and live each second through you.
You have my heart -- I gave it to you when a child.
Now I surrender all of me to you.
Use me, all of me.
Take all of my knowledge, talents and gifts for your kingdom.
Be my strength and courage as I face each day.
Give me boldness to show others what you have given me, and more than that, show who you are.

I love you, my Creator, because you have loved me with an everlasting love.
I serve you, Father, to do your will and give you pleasure.

Visit with Family

2008-09-19T20:01:00.003-05:00

Last week I went to visit my sister. Her daughter, my niece, was home from D.C. I hadn't seen her in about a year, so was excited to be with her. We had some valuable one on one time that I truly enjoyed.

While in Oklahoma, I also heard my nephew and the church band as they rehearsed for Sunday morning. It was fabulous! I learned he writes song lyrics and he wrote one of the songs they played that night.

I learned something new from my sister, too. While we drove to her house after dinner, she casually mentioned that she sang solos at church. This kind of floored me because it seemed out of character with the sister I knew. But, I've heard her sing around the house and she's pretty good. I look forward now to hearing her sing in public.

I very much admire the life my sister has built. I give thanks often for growing up with her. I am especially proud to know her as a woman of character, sister, friend and servant of Jesus.

All of this made me wonder -- what have I learned about myself? I'm not sure I learned anything new, but I realized that I am more self confident these days. I am more content and satisfied with the person I have become; I like me a lot better. I hope I continue to stretch my limits, grow, try new things and learn something every day. I pray I draw close to the Lord my God, learn of Him, worship Him, and obey Him.

So Different, So Alike

2008-09-18T09:15:00.002-05:00

Why do we do the things we do? How do our idiosyncrasies make us each different, unique in the way we think and reason?

Some things must be learned behaviors from watching parents or other adults as we grow. But how do we explain twins, separated at birth, who grow up miles, even countries, apart and yet have the same behavior patterns and mannerisms? How much is actually from our DNA?

The diversity of humans amazes met. Yet, how much we are the same.

I see, as many women do as we mature, so very much of my mother in me. My sister-in-law reminds me of my mother-in-law who in turn is similar to her mother. What makes this so? Even our best efforts fail to overcome those habits we see in ourselves that remind us of our parents. Mannerisms: the turn of a head or a gesture, so like a parent even as we strive to be different.

Sons like fathers, daughters like mothers. So different, so alike. The very things about our parents that drive us crazy, even infuriate us, and push us out of the nest to be on our own, we begin to see in ourselves more and more.

As young parents, we look at our babies searching for us in them. Why? When we don't want to be like our parents, why do we expect our children to be like us?

To God and Father as Elohim

2008-09-15T11:03:00.003-05:00

You are wonderful, Father.
Your power and might brought the universe into existence.
You created the huge vastness of space.
You caused the microscopic molecules of the air.
You made man, male & female, in your image.
You love diversity -- in the world, in nature, in people & personalities.
You love your creation.
You, oh God, my Elohim, planned each detail of the world before you placed Adam in the garden.
You provide all we need to be born and to live on this earth.

You knew me before I was born.
You thought about who would be the right parents for me.
You, only you, gave me life.
You planted me in my mother's womb.
You nutured me as I grew into a woman.
You alone caused me to look as I do, think as I do, feel as I do.
You had a plan and a purpose for me before you made the world.
You made me to be your child.

You gave your Son for me before I lived.
You called me to new life in you.
You gifted me with your Holy Spirit.
You grew my faith.
You alone are worthy of my praise.
You alone receive my honor.
You alone deserve my devotion

Continue, day by day, moment by moment, to breathy your Spirit on me that I may worship & adore you, praise & honor you, obey & serve you, love you.

Changing Seasons

2008-09-09T16:18:00.002-05:00

Cooler days -- almost cold nights

Cloudless sky

Soft breezes -- leaves flutter

Comfy grass carpet

Water trickles down the rocks

Hawks scream over head

God's glory revealed.

Soon, leaves will color then fade

Float and dance on the wind

Frost, snow and icy wind whistling down the hill

Changing seasons explode with God's greatness

Can't wait for Spring

Flowers bloom -- trees leaf out

Rain

Signs of the season

Days heating up

Longer days, fresh cut hay

More sun -- less rain

No school -- lazy times

Laughter, swimming, baseball

The best time of the year

God's goodness shines with the sun

Metamorphosis

2008-09-04T12:28:00.004-05:00

Like a butterfly, she magically floated away as she opened the pages of the travel magazine. She imagined herself among the exotic peoples and places. She pictured her life drifting from place to place as she explored the wonders of God's creation.

Free to imagine, free to dream, free to live her own life with no one to answer to but God; His constant presence real and meaningful. She felt held close by His love.

Freedom. Isn't that something we all crave? Freedom from war, poverty and desolation. Freedom from fear of ridicule and embarrassment as well as freedom from physical pain and degradation. Freedom to love and worship God. Freedom to follow His leading and direction. Freedom to say or do whatever is within His will.

Reading her magazine, she transformed into a courageous adventurer. She climbed mountains and crossed oceans. She became whatever she read.

She closed the book at the end of the last page and slowly, cautiously re-entered her self imposed prison in the real world. She rose from her chair and walked into the kitchen to start dinner for the family she loved.

On Loneliness

2008-09-01T09:15:00.002-05:00

Loneliness is separation. Separate by background or activity or history. Separate from ones you love. Separate even in a crowd of family and friends.

Loneliness engulfs you, crushes your spirit, binds you to the earth. Loneliness kills. Kills thought and feeling -- except for the longing to be with someone who knows and understands you.

Loneliness needles at you, makes you retreat in defeat. Or, it forces you out into the world to find that someone who completes you, to find some thing to fill the void.

Loneliness can reveal God: His great comfort and solace, His nearness, His plan for you -- big or small -- His purpose for your life. So, good can come from loneliness if you can be strong enough and courageous enough to step out.

Step outside yourself and see who else is there. Overcome the self pity of being alone. Embrace the aloneness as a time of discovery. Discover who God is and what He's calling you to be. It maybe a time of New Beginning.

Week in Review

2008-08-30T09:36:00.003-05:00

An attitude of worship.
A week of purpose spent in companionable silences and family enjoyment.
Times of contemplation and planning.
Feelings of dread (chores undone) and accomplishment.

Cemetery Thoughts

2008-08-25T16:41:00.005-05:00

Not too long ago I went to the cemetery when my mother and grandparents are buried.

It's been a long time since I came here. There's a new grave, but I don't know who it is. I haven't been to Mama's yet. Flowers adorn a few sites, bright color in the faded green.

Gray, overcast skies fit my mood. I don't know why I came. She's not here; no one is. I always thought people odd who returned often to cemeteries or decorated graves. Is it a cry for comfort, a denial of loss, a show of grief for the world? Comfort of a kind comes, and a feigning of closeness. It seems easier to talk to her here. I tell her of the important events of my life, share my secrets and dreams; the things I never tell any one. I almost hear her speak, laugh or cry with me. Nowhere else can I feel her. I can cry here and no one believes I'm crazy. I cry for my loss and emptiness, the missed togetherness, the loneliness of her passing. It's been 10 years since she left. Ten years of challenges i met or failed. Ten years of opportunities I took or ignored.

I see her in me more and more. Gestures, speech patterns, the shape of my hands -- all remind me of the woman she was. Am I keeping her good traits? Am I harboring her sense of humor, hospitality and generosity in my heart? Have I met adversity with her strength and fortitude? Do I let my disappointments overwhelm me and drag me into the pit of despair? (i know the answers to these questions.) How can I mirror her greater qualities to my family and foster that giving, loving, caring heart in myself? How can I remember her everyday like I do when I'm here?

I thank God for the mother I had. She loved me greatly and did the best she knew to raise me. It seems she was taken too soon, but God doesn't make mistakes. Even in missing her and the sadness of her absence is the joy of knowing I'll see her again. This I know: she's in a better place and soon I'll join her there. Then we can laugh and talk and praise our God together for eternity.

Although not a perfect person, she was the perfect mother for me.